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Least Valuable Player: Le'Veon Bell

Coach of the Year: Bill Belichick. What you can't give Belichick the coach of the year, he's always the best coach in the NFL, that's not fair to the other guys. Ok, let's switch things up a bit. The Coach of the Year*: Adam Gase Wow, how fucking dare I, right? Well let's face it, the Dolphins are not a talented team, and they were lauded for dumping talented players like Ndamukong Suh, Jay Ajayi and JArvis Landry for practically nothing. Is this team good? I don't think so, but this team should be Raiders or 49ers level bad this season, yet they are finding gritty ways to win games, getting the most out of ICU patient Ryan Tannehill and the meme of the century Brock Osweiler, and winning games that they probably shouldn't be. These players are buying into what Gase is giving them, and while they're a ways out of beating talented squads, they are handling themselves well. It's actually just Belichick though. Offensive Rookie of the Year: Saquon Barkley, RB, The lone bright spot on that offense, now that Eli has reverted into a captain checkdown. He's dynamic, exciting, and good to bust a big play almost every week. If he had more than one capable blocker he might be putting up Gurley type numbers if not better. Defensive Rookie of the Year: Nathan Peterman... wait shit. uh, Let's give the Browns some love, Denzel Ward, CB, There are so many good rookies that you could make a team out of them this year. Fred Warner, Darius Leonard, Derwin James, Donte Jackson, Minkah Fitzpatrick, and Leighton Vander Esch, among others all have legitimate arguments for this spot, but I have to go with Ward. He's all over the place on defense, a very solid tackler, and the primary reason they won any games at all this season. The Browns might suck, but he doesn't. Comeback Player of the Year: J.J. Watt, DE, 9 sacks halfway through the season... yeah dude is back. He finally looks healthy, he's shedding offensive linemen like nothing and... Defensive Player of the Year: J.J. Watt, DE, Yeah make this a double. Watt is once again the best player on the defensive side of the ball, sorry. Offensive Player of the Year, aka the we can't give you the MVP, here have a participation trophy: Todd Gurley, RB, 1230 yards from scrimmage, 16 TDs halfway through the season, Gurley is a production machine, and the Rams are content to feed the machine. I'm looking forward to seeing him chase the non-passing TD record. The Saints did a great job stifling him though. Best Player: Drew Brees, QB, The league owes him after Peyton Manning stole his MVP award. He's also the best QB in football, which is what this award should actually be called. The Most Valuable Player to his team, but not necessarily the best player in the league, because we don't have a Most Oustanding Player award to split the difference award: Cam Newton, QB, Because fuck he deserves some credit for the work he's doing this year that gets consistently shat on and undone by his garbage coaches.