BwareDWare94 723 Posted December 24, 2017 Not generalizing, observing and, having experienced it myself, knowing. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sarge+ 3,436 Posted December 24, 2017 Is it a lost cause trying to convince Bware to not generalize young people? Starting to seem so... I get what you're saying. Bware's black-and-white, all-or-nothing statements are generally inaccurate. But this time at least, he's pretty close. People who marry before age 25 are many times more likely to divorce than those who marry in the late 20's and early 30's. That's just a statistical fact. Obviously there are exceptions, but not that many. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
seanbrock 1,684 Posted December 24, 2017 Why do people have to get married though? I think the reason marriage fails is because people feel like they have to get married and have kids by a certain age and end up doing it with somebody that they don't love. Society is changing. I think a really big part of that is that women work now a lot more than they did in even the generation before ours. It totally changed the game. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sarge+ 3,436 Posted December 24, 2017 Yea sean you're right, and also it's not just work. Most women in their early-mid 20's today are focused on going to college... and not just for a 4-year degree. Women hold more advanced degrees on average than men. So women are entering the workforce later, but they are doing it with a higher level of education. Really makes the dating pool a lot different from when our parents were our age. It's too early to tell anything solid from this, but while marriage rates are declining rapidly, maybe the people who DO get married will be more likely to stick it out. Who knows. It does seem that overall, getting married in your early 20's is probably not the best idea. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BwareDWare94 723 Posted December 24, 2017 (edited) The problem is the propped up goal of getting married. The goal we should prop up is finding a suitable partner that balances exciting us with respecting us. Men and women of youth seem to flock to destructive habits in more than just relationships, so that doesn't help in finding a good partner. I see this in other people and have also experienced it myself. Part of my personal problem is being so empathetic toward those who experienced trauma at the hands of others that I almost always fall hard for women who are open about their past experiences. The catch 22 there is that they're usually open about it to excuse their current behavior, both their own self destruction and the cruel way in which they treat others. Edited December 24, 2017 by BwareDWare94 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
seanbrock 1,684 Posted December 24, 2017 Man whoever this girl is she did a number on you, brother. Let go of your bitterness. It's eating you from the inside out. I'm saying that because I do consider you a friend. Not at all trying to be an asshole here. Let it go bud or you'll be miserable the rest of your life. You're still a young man and have a lot of time to find the right girl for you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BwareDWare94 723 Posted December 24, 2017 Man whoever this girl is she did a number on you, brother. Let go of your bitterness. It's eating you from the inside out. I'm saying that because I do consider you a friend. Not at all trying to be an asshole here. Let it go bud or you'll be miserable the rest of your life. You're still a young man and have a lot of time to find the right girl for you. Easier said than done, especially considering it was two of them. I'm doing rather well but part of this discussion is going to be personal experience. That I share these things doesn't mean I'm still struggling. They're just relevant to my stances on modern dating . That being said there's 100% truth in that the real monsters of our world are all human beings, and one needn't commit a horrific crime to be a monster to others. At the same time, I do not blame any of the women in my life for my struggles. I blame the meth that destroyed one of the sweetest girls I knew and turned her into a fiend. I blame the life experiences from her childhood that destroyed her self worth and turned her to hard drugs. For the other girl, I blame the trauma of her childhood, adolescence, and teenage years for causing her to develop a crippling condition. They are not responsible for what caused their descent into the abyss, but they are responsible for when their actions hurt others, just like the rest of us. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OSUViking 505 Posted December 24, 2017 Not generalizing, observing and, having experienced it myself, knowing. You are extrapolating your anecdotal experiences to the entire population below the age of 25. That is textbook generalizing. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Milla4Prez63 678 Posted December 30, 2017 I want to bring up something else that I think is relevant to dating, but it also has to do with culture in general these days. If you guys don't see or haven't seen this in your own lives and those around you, that's fine... but I have. What I am talking about is young people are more indecisive now than ever. We have been getting blasted with information from all sides for the better part of 10 years now, when you think about it. More and more people are looking around and saying... I don't want to commit to this or that because if I do, it closes off all the other options. This applies to dating, work, traveling, food... everything. It's not that people are always intentionally looking for a better option... it's that even if we are passive, a better option often will present itself to us naturally through the new norm we've started to live in. Although on the other hand, this is precisely what Tinder offers us. We find someone we like, but we don't delete our accounts in case someone even better comes along. I have learned this the hard way... I've met girls and gotten on well with them from online dating sources... but very quickly they freeze all contact with me and don't respond to my messages. The likeliest outcome is that they have found someone they perceive to be better. For hooking up, Tinder and things in that mold are devastatingly easy and efficient. But if you want to find an old school relationship, you gotta use old school means to find it. IMO. (Yes, before anyone says anything, I am well aware that people online have married others they met. I think we can agree that these people are the exception and do not follow the normal pattern described above.) So I told myself that I will no longer participate in online dating. It forced me to become a better and more interesting person so that when girls meet me in real life, rather than online, I can keep their attention. I traveled to another country, learned to speak another language, learned to dance, got a career I enjoy... all of these things added together make me a lot more attractive than I was before. And even if I told someone online about all of those things, they can't really see or know how these things make me a good partner for them. Anyway, long story short... I think as a whole society has become very indecisive, and that makes things hard in many ways, dating being no exception. We can't change that, but we can overcome it. Let's go back to meeting girls in person. At the very least, it shows you have the balls to pursue her in person while she swipes away the 30th guy this week. I agree with you, and I think online dating has made the dating culture worse these days. It just allows people to be more shallow and noncommittal. If you start having 2nd thoughts about the guy who asked you out in class, you have to be an adult and say it in person. Online, all you have to do is ignore/block the person you're talking to. Plus I think most online dating apps, especially tinder, make things more about looks than personality and it's just further adding to our already shallow culture. I do want to say, I think online dating sucks for both sexes for different reasons. Women always get bombarded with messages from guys daily and a lot of them are just inappropriate or gross. Where what sucks for men is, statistically there is usually more men using online dating and that allows women to be more picky making it tougher for those who don't stand out in their profile pics. I've tried my luck at online dating over the years, but I've realized it's very unlikely my future wife will be found on one. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry 1,302 Posted December 30, 2017 Bware you gotta learn to let stuff go, man. I know I've had that exact same mindset after getting burnt by several girlfriends. Just do your best to meet chicks in person and try to catch on with someone. The more bitter and hung up you are on other chicks the more you're going to come off as a "woe is me" type when looking for potential partners. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ATL_Predator+ 1,196 Posted December 31, 2017 Why do people have to get married though? I think the reason marriage fails is because people feel like they have to get married and have kids by a certain age and end up doing it with somebody that they don't love. Society is changing. I think a really big part of that is that women work now a lot more than they did in even the generation before ours. It totally changed the game. I know A LOT of girls that simply want the title. They reach a certain age in their 20's and they see all their friends and stuff getting engaged and as a result, they jump on the train too. Pushing men's patience to no end. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BwareDWare94 723 Posted December 31, 2017 Bware you gotta learn to let stuff go, man. I know I've had that exact same mindset after getting burnt by several girlfriends. Just do your best to meet chicks in person and try to catch on with someone. The more bitter and hung up you are on other chicks the more you're going to come off as a "woe is me" type when looking for potential partners. I don't care about how they hurt me--that's done and can't be changed. Grudges are awfully heavy to carry around. What I can't let go of is caring about their well-being. Neither woke up one day and said, I'm going to hurt [insert my name here]. Childhood trauma destroys people. They might still be responsible for the pain they cause others, but they are not responsible for what happened to them. So I want the one to seek treatment for addiction. If I could fund it myself I'd put her through the longest available program for hard drug addicts. I want the other to seek the necessary therapy for whatever ails her. Neither is likely to happen. I am aware of that. That being said, I can happily live my life, which I am doing right now, while still caring about the well-being of both of them from afar. Yes, I am currently jaded. I moved back to my hometown several years ago, and I love it, but being social also showed me just how bad drugs are around here--meth in particular. And now, the meth and heroin available around here has been laced with everything from Fentanyl to bath salts. We've had deaths. They are ongoing. I regularly watch the physical state of people I know ebb and flow as they go through periods of meth use. They lose their figures, become skin and bones. Their faces become pockmarked because they pick at their skin thinking something is crawling on their skin. Their skin is deathly pale. They become cruel and mean while their down. I'm actually working on a novella centered on 5 characters who experience trauma while young. There are 3 narratives apiece, one from adolescence or teenage years, one from their twenties, and one from their forties. Each character will react to, cope with, and either overcome or succumb to the misery of their own particular trauma. It's going to be called Different People and if I ever have a published work, this will be it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Favre4Ever+ 4,476 Posted December 31, 2017 Why do people have to get married though? I think the reason marriage fails is because people feel like they have to get married and have kids by a certain age and end up doing it with somebody that they don't love. Society is changing. I think a really big part of that is that women work now a lot more than they did in even the generation before ours. It totally changed the game. Like college in so many ways. I think its changing a bit, but for so long young adults thought they HAD to go to college to have a happy and fulfilling life. The pressure from family, friends, and society is overwhelming for many 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
