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#81 Omerta

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Posted 14 July 2018 - 10:49 PM

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Personally, I ask them why they feel that way ? If it is something external like clothes or something I would wait. I would suggest they give it a bit more time and see of it persists. If it does revisit it to see if it is external still. If it is something that they feel is external and they just feel that way, then you have a longer discussion.

If it is internal hit the particulars. Ask them how long have they felt that way and how they feel about their own feelings. Make sure they know it is a serious conversation so they should be clear about how they feel, but make sure they know I love them. Tell them it is ok to feel that way, but to be clear so we can start to change a few things if they choose. If they are saying how they feel as though they are born in the wrong gender, and they are clear on gender and that they want to change, I let them. I would ask if there are things we can change in the household to make them more comfortable.

If it is within reason do my best to accommodate that and let them live life as a man/woman, but make sure it is a genuine experience. If they choose male then make them do things required of men like register for the secret service, go to make restrooms etc so they can see the good and bad of both.

I would proceed like that but if they wanted puberty blockers or any surgery I personally would not foot the bill until roughly 26. If they have left my house and lived life as a man and at 26 said" hey Dad, I have lived this life and my mind is developed and this is still what I want but I can't afford it, can you help with the cost of transitioning?" Then the answer is, Sure! I love you kid.

I have no problem with transgender as long as they are morally upright people, and honest with themselves, and aren't entitled than we won't have issues. As long as they don't allow it to become all that they are. If the sum total of who they are is Transgender then I fucked the dog. I would hope that would be but a fraction of them. I would hope they could say they were people of integrity, hard working, and loved fiercely. I guess I am saying if they could look themselves in the mirror and be proud of who they are I am good with it.

As to the semantics I did not see it that way, I saw it as a clear statement and I don't want it to come on as a dick, if I did I apologize OSU, that is not what I intended.

Edited by Omerta, 14 July 2018 - 10:56 PM.

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#82 OSUViking

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Posted 14 July 2018 - 10:54 PM

As to the semantics I did not see it that way, I saw it as a clear statement and I don't want it to come on as a dick, if I did I apologize OSU, that is not what I intended.

 

I don't think that came off like a dick at all. Bware's source about the statistics of transitioning was enough for me to step back and recognize there's still a lot I need to learn about with regards to these procedures and how people experience them. Like I said, I can recognize that I went a bit far and took his post to mean something that it probably didn't, but I strongly think that the way a parent handles this situation will have major impacts on how the person adapts, regardless of if they transition or not. No one will have the same approach but like F4E said, the basic formula is pretty simple... just love and support the kids, sounds like your plan covers that pretty well. At the end of the day what I think about parenting means jack shit to the people who actually have to go about imparting skills and demonstrating understanding to their kids; they have to find what works for them, it's just been my (anecdotal) experience that many people don't handle these things in very effective ways. 

 

EDIT: I will also own that I do have a lot of issues with my parents. In fact not too long ago I kind of hit a "gold mine" of emotional turmoil that I'd been pinning down for so long. I don't view my parents as bad people but the flurry of emotions and whatnot that I didn't let myself feel for a long time have made it hard to stay calm, rational, objective, etc. It's on me to keep that in check and I'll try to work on that in the future. No excuse to misrepresent people's arguments or to take things too far, so I apologize. 


Edited by OSUViking, 14 July 2018 - 10:58 PM.

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#83 DalaiLama4Ever

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Posted 14 July 2018 - 10:59 PM

And to be clear, the semantics comment wasn't just aimed at you Ngata. Just reading the last page or so, I thought most of us were saying the same things, we all just kind of got caught up in the wording of the posts too much.

 

As for the question I posed, I like your response. I don't think I would really differ much. Seems like OSU is on board too which makes me believe I was on the right path with the semantics comment. 

 


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#84 OSUViking

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Posted 14 July 2018 - 11:03 PM

Yes, I think I need to take a step back and calm down for a bit too. Too trigger happy with the thoughts that have been bouncing around lately. It's an inevitable stage in going from incompetent to competent but it's not the most pleasant experience in the world. 


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#85 BwareDWare94

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 12:58 AM

Well first of all you talk to your child lovingly. You don't treat them differently. Secondly you present them with the statistics and explain that it's not all that uncommon and likely a phase. You then ask them if they'd like to talk to a medical professional about it. You go from there while continuing to love, nurture, and support your child.
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