Do you ever feel like...

[ATL_Predator+ 1,196]

What's up guys. I haven't been around as much lately. Life has just been busy.

This is probably going to be a long post for the record... bear with me.

I don't know what to say about this year in general. You look at the way the world is going and the division, stupidity, ignorance and hatred... it's everywhere. Everywhere I go, everywhere I look, it seems that things are providing for a dark future.

Personally, I can say this has been the toughest year of my life. I've always been a distant person.. but I feel like someone or something is trying to keep me down for no apparent reason.

Here's some things that have happened this year...

 

 - I finally got out of the military in Dec of last year. I got tired of their BS and broken promises. I went to state representatives and Senators and spoke with them of how my contract was not being honored in terms of benefits, pay, and reimbursement. I go the whole 'We will look into it, thank you for you concern' BS. Long story short. I said I wasn't showing up to any military functions until it was taken care of, I stopped drilling for 2 years. They gave me an other than honorable discharge which I expected and am w/e with. In my contract their is at least nearly 100k of money that they owe me, and now they are saying I owe them money. Like.. wtf. I did my time honorably the first 3 years, but enough is enough. Not getting paid for drilling, not being fed while at drill... I was losing money left and right.

 

- My best friend of 15 years committed suicide. She was a sister to me. This girl was abandoned by her Russian parents and essentially left for dead on a Port Authority Dock. My family took her in. We went to school together, helped her with learning English.. you name it we did it. This past summer.. we went through all the BS it is anymore to get a passport. We got it so that she could meet her siblings who found her through the internet. She went there. She had just graduated from PSU with a nursing degree and started her job, but was fired because a supervisor said the only way she would gain more respect is if she slept with him essentially. She said fuck no, reported him and in the end they both were fired. She had a kid and her own place... so she applied everywhere. Ended up working with a gas company as a administrative person. Long hours away from her friends and especially her son. I hadn't heard or really seen much from her in a few days so I stopped by her house. Knocked on the door and there was nothing but her car was home. I figured she might be sleeping until I looked down and on the doormat was a suicide note. I work in law enforcement so I called some people before going in and we then walked in and she was on the floor. I've never felt so sick in my life. I've never felt so empty... there simply isn't words.

 

-In the past two months. I have been in two car accidents that have not been my fault. The first one a guy blew a stop sign and hit and spun me at 55 mph. I went to the hospital and they said I had a concussion and whiplash. I didn't have a car for a while but I also have a truck so I wasn't too concerned about having a vehicle. Until.. I walk out one morning and it won't start. Not a battery. Just the whole electrical system is fucked. So I borrowed my gf's jeep for a while which ran well. Literally 2 weeks ago my car got repaired, last night... my gf and I were going out to dinner.

 

Sitting at a red light and waiting to turn left. Light turns green. I turn left, there's a car in front of me, behind me and there's a wall of snow on my right. This minivan backs out of an alley and hits me. Hits me in my rear driver side. The exact same spot my car has been hit TWICE before. The damage is minimal and the car is drivable... however I wouldn't be so upset if the old lady driving had even any sense of where she was or what she was doing. This lady was like 80 years old. I walked up to her and made sure she was ok and she said yeah. Then I asked her if she was calling the police and she said no I'm not calling them I'm calling my husband because YOU hit me. I came so close to breaking her fucking mirror. So I call the police and it takes about a good hour for them to show up. They do all their BS and tell me my reg is expired and that I'm getting a citation for not having it registered. Which is fine, but I literally just got my car back and it expired less than a week ago but these assholes can't give me a warning and instead write me a ticket.

 

Those are just a few of the things going on... I feel defeated. I feel like no matter what I do and how hard I try... things that are out of my control fuck me and I'm over it.

Sorry. I just needed to vent.. and was honestly wondering if anyone else feels that life fucks them all the time too.

 

[Sarge+ 3,436]

I'm so sorry to hear about all of this, especially you finding your dead friend. I can't even imagine what that's like. And yes life often does fuck us. You seem like a tough guy, so I don't think you'll be down long. 

[RazorStar 4,025]

This world is a fucking trash fire, and life is definitely out to get all of us. There's nothing you can do but tell life to cram it up it's self centered ass and all the fuckheads in your life to eat the same shit. 

[seanbrock 1,684]

Damn, that's fucking rough. Pretty cool that people post on here when they're going through some shit. We're not as active on here as we once we're but it's wild to me the bonds that have been made here. Makes me proud to be a part of this community. 

I can't offer advice of any kind because I haven't walked in your particular shoes but I think I speak for all us regulars when I say hold ya head up. This storm will pass and TGP will always be here for you.

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

I'm so sorry to hear about your string of luck, but more importantly, the loss of your friend. idk how much I've talked about it here, but a little over a year ago one of my best friends committed suicide as well. It shattered me and fucked me up for a long time and still hurts very presently. I can't imagine having to go through finding them and I feel for you. Keep your head up and know you've always got a group of friends and supporters here.