Rotten Egg TGP: CBA Dictates That Final Cuts Must Irrigate Playing Surfaces With Tears

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Rotten Egg TGP: In a bizarre and long-hidden-from-the-public portion of the NFL's Collective Bargaining Agreement, it has come to our attention that the NFL has one more task to complete for players who are part of the final roster trim down to 53--they must water playing surfaces with their tears.

 

"The way we see it, they're going to be crying a lot, anyway," said Roger Goodell in his informative, or shall we see admissive, presser. "You've got 22 guys bawling for hours on end. We might as well make use of them."

 

"It's not an ideal scenario for guys who are chasing their dreams," said NFLPA President Eric Winston. "The truth is, it was the only way we could get the owners to concede to softer practice schedules."

 

Goodell and Smith also admitted that the whereabouts of Benny Sapp have been unknown since the last time he was a member of Final Cuts.