CampinWithaMissingPerson

It was around six in the morning and I was holding the steering wheel as the drummer from my old band shoveled into a dime bag of mostly cut cocaine bought an hour earlier in some ratty trailer park off Fort Myers Beach. We were on our way to Tampa where he lived but we were to stop off in Sarasota on the way so he could meet up with friends and pawn off some acid he recently re-upped on. This kid was the worst drug dealer ever — which for druggies meant he was also the best drug dealer ever. His friends lived on campus of a liberal arts school called New College of Florida. Apparently High Times magazine ranked it the “#2 Counterculture College” six years ago. There are no grades. Even if you don’t graduate you’re still considered an alumnus. I’m getting all this from Wikipedia because the students were way too high to tell me any of this. See, I come from a working-class family, so in situations like these it’s always funny to see how out of touch with reality most of these kids are. This dirty hippie with dreads whose name was Maui or Spirit or some shit wanted to buy acid from the drummer. He thought he was a bad ass because he knocked some guy out at a music festival before — and we all know how bad ass festival kids are. Florida hippies never wear shirts and they always have a scraggly dog named Trips or Jerry, you know: typical hippie conformist bullshit. But he did invite us to go with his surprisingly beautiful girlfriend and her friends to a strip club later that night while he ate seaweed and something made with weed butter while I read some book on his table called the Cannabible. Before that we went with the drummer’s friends to this 80’s dance party in the courtyard of the campus, which had free booze. It was cool but when the drinks ran dry everyone started to shuffle off to do more drugs. Out of boredom the drummer gave us two hits each of acid. That’s when the Maui kid called saying they were ready to go to the titty bar. It was one of the girls’ birthday and none of them had ever been to a strip club before. The drummer threw me thirty bucks of his profits for the night and we headed that way. We made our way to the girl’s dorm across this big field when a blinding light hit us from the right. The drummer started to shit himself because it was campus police and he had three sheets of LSD in his backpack along with the beers in our hand (he also might have been on more acid than me.) I reminded him we were both over twenty-one and the alcohol was provided by some group on campus. Growing up where I did I had tons of experience dealing with real cops (being a white dude in the ghetto wins you an automatic crack rock search), so campus police were about as threatening as Justin Bieber. When I had run-ins with cops when younger I was like most kids, defensive—which never ended well. You have to look them in the eye like this was always supposed to happen, answer their questions smoothly and be so fucking sure of yourself that they have no reason to dig further. I’ve gotten pulled over while drunk. I have zero DUIs. Why? Talking to cops is going to WAR, confidence and being on top of your shit is everything. Even if you reek of alcohol, if you have your wits about you they'll usually only give you a field sobriety test and once you pass that they let you go. They questioned us. I took the lead and told them we were on our way to ride with friends to the titty bar. Your blunt honesty always hits them in the face like a smooth-bore tank round. They asked for our guest passes, told us not to drive, let us go, and told us to have fun. I had someone else's money. The acid was starting to kick in and was fresh off Jedi mind-fucking the boys in blue. I felt pretty good. Everything is enhanced on acid, so if you’re feeling awesome, everything is AWESOME. If you feel weird, everything is WEEEEIRRRRD, etc. It was by far the best time I’ve ever had at a strip club. We met with a huge party of people I didn’t know in the V.I.P. section and I guess one was the birthday girl. All I know was there were girls grinding on each other everywhere (including girls in our party.) At one point I ended up sitting by the stage armed with one-dollar bills and whiskey in front of the biggest, juiciest ass in the world. The girl was twerking it in my face when her leg suddenly punted my glass of whiskey off the stage as it shattered into pieces. I looked around and everyone was staring at me like I just got slapped in the face. All of a sudden I felt pressured to respond strongly or else I'd be a bitch. So... I tapped her. She stuck her ass out for more dollar bills, so I leaned in and said, “Hey…you kind of kicked my drink off the stage.” She tried to play it off replying, “Oh, no I didn’t honey” and went back to shaking. I tapped her again, “No…you KINDA did.” That’s when a waitresses stepped in and told me she saw the whole thing and asked me what I was drinking — telling me the stripper had done this before. The waitress then offered her up for a free lap dance. I told her I was drinking a more expensive whiskey than I actually was, took the offer, and got the most apologetic lap dance in history. I was still tripping as we got back to the girl’s dorm and all her roommates were in the living area waiting (there was no TV because having a TV is too normal for New College.) After chatting for a while, one of them started talking to me exclusively and pointed me to her room. All of a sudden my dick was out and she was moaning way too loud it seemed. She was all about being degraded, which threw me off for a second (still being on acid and all), until my dog-like instincts kicked in. After I left, the hippie’s girlfriend told me about one of the other girls liking me and that’s why the other one raped me in her room and none of it made sense because girls are fucking insane (except any ones reading this, you’re perfectly normal...) We were walking back to the friend’s dorm and stumbled upon a human-sized chess game. They had a huge chessboard with these big ass pieces. This was way more impressive than it sounds while intoxicated on hallucinogenics. There was some dude in a dress playing and apparently he was the campus genius and in the end the immortals were just dummies and it turned out the movie was just a movie within a movie and the alchemist told us that real life awaited. But I still couldn’t believe they turned shit into gold. WHAT THE FUCK!? Hippies be crazy y’all. OK, that very last part (except the chess game and dude in a dress) is a joke, but everything else is true. —GOAT SAMPSON[/center]

I completely shit the bad last week. I was 3-1 until Denver and Seattle shit their beds with seconds remaining. Ironic that Charles was first in the regular season and is currently last in the playoffs so far... just being lazy breh?

Holy Checks & Balances Batman! I like it.

Hopefully he tells the media to do their job.

I wouldn't worry about Blaine Gabbert too much. Caldwell has already said he's bringing in another QB. Question is, if it's a rookie or free agent. The job is open to be won, may the best (or least garbage) QB win.

From when Monte Kiffin recommended Bradley to then new head coach of the Seahawks, Jim Mora Jr: Interesting. Once-in-a-lifetime coach? Strong words. EDIT: From Leon Washington, RB and KR for Seahawks:

This is pretty much my line of thinking as well on Kelly. I think too many people are getting caught up in how his offense is going to work in the NFL, and his now rep of being a "flip-flopper." Honestly, when it comes to the sudden change of decision it came down to money — let's be serious here. The Eagles original offer wasn't good enough for Kelly, and for that price he'd rather stay at Oregon. They obviously countered more recently and the offer was too good to refuse. Make no mistake, this is always about the money. The "love for the game" stuff is nice, it makes for a great story, but in the end it's always about the money. I don't buy the "he needs NFL experienced coaches on his staff because he's got no NFL experience" stuff. You find good coaches where you find good coaches. Does experience at a higher level help? Sure, but if coaches with NFL experience were the only way to succeed no college coaches would ever rise from the ranks to be successful in the NFL. It always depends on the coach. Just because he's inexperienced in the NFL doesn't mean he needs experienced NFL coaches around him. Regardless the UGA guy does have NFL experience, just not NFL DC experience. It's not a brow raising hire if it happens.

Jets were going to offer Caldwell the house — literally per PFT via Peter King: http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2013/01/14/jets-were-going-to-offer-caldwell-the-house-literally/ Ouch.

NO ONE wants this job. I feel for Jets fans (and this coming from a Jags fan, so you know it's bad.) Woody just completely fucked the team up. I'm still convinced they extended Sanchez just to make sure they didn't hurt his feelings after trading for Tebow. I guess teams just figured Sanchez out, what he can and can't do and schemed for it — because he's gotten progressively worse each year it seems. They got talent, it's just the QB situation is so fucked up right now. Too much money invested in it too. Tebow came out the last year of the old rookie wage scale. To put it in perspective, Tebow made $1.94 mill this past year, while Andrew Luck made $390k. That's $1.55 million more than Andrew Luck. Sanchez is banking even more than that. And no one wants these guys, so you can't trade them and dump the contracts. Such a clusterfuck.

I like seeing Crabtree finally blossoming. Him and Blackmon have similar skill sets (though I'd say Crabs has better hands, and Blackmon is better after the catch.) But they're not your typical elite WR skill sets, so it's all about route running, setting DBs up, and making something happen after the catch with them. Blackmon quietly put up a good rookie year for a WR, already had 865 yards his first year. With two bad QBs no less. I see a similar steady progression in his future as has happened with Crabtree.

1-3

0-2 so far. HIGH FIVES.

If he does, history is against him. Most good/great Head Coaches that come back always disappoint.

(Sat.) Ravens @ Broncos Packers @ 49ers (Sun.) Seahawks @ Falcons Texans @ Pats

The Jacksonville Jaguars held a press conference on Thursday afternoon to introduce new general manager David Caldwell to fans and media. It didn't take long for the first question to Caldwell about New York Jets quarterback Tim Tebow, who's constantly mentioned with the Jaguars. As expected however, Caldwell declined to speak about the Jets backup quarterback. "He is a member of the New York Jets so I cant imagine a scenario where he would be a Jacksonville Jaguar," Caldwell said. "Even if he's released." Caldwell signed a 5-year deal to be GM of the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Had the same exact reaction Vin. I literately yelled out loud, "OOOOOOOOoooooohhhhh!" Similar to this young man: Caldwell dropped the elbow on Timmy, ala:

Bath Salts.

Packers fan took the Niners.

Damn, I want the Jags to go after Zimmer. I like him over Roman who's rumored there.

Anyone catch Warmack's one handed pancake block on Nix of Notre Dame? Unreal.

To his credit, Tuck has kind of pussied out this year. Even went as far as to question his own drive this year. His ex-teammate (his name is escaping me, the old NYG LB, I wanna say his last name starts with a B or W) even said he saw some of that in his character when he played with him. Lots of injuries again to the DBs. Osi is old. JPP had the sophomore jinx. But overall, I am still kind of meh on Perry... hard to say really. He's probably an average DC in the end. He needs more playmakers and an influx of youth at DE for the defense to show up again. Need some CBs opposite of Prince for sure. Webster got burned all year.

Took over as GM in 2009, and somehow the Jags are staggeringly worse off than when he started. This team needs a huge influx of talent, and someone who knows how to acquire it. I'm down with firing Mularkey too. He didn't have much to work with at all, but still, 2 games? He's reportedly lost the locker room already too: Mularkey isn't the type of Head Coach to get the most out of his players obviously. I saw a similarly talent lacking team coached by Tom Coughlin in the year before he got fired. They went 6-10, and somehow had a positive point differential. It's tough, and to have a winning season with a talent deprived team is close to impossible, but you can at least win more than 2 games. My biggest complaint about Mularkey though (and Falcons fans said this when the Jags hired him before they fired him), is that Mularkey fails to make the right adjustments at halftime. Countless times the Jags have kept games close or even led at halftime. Only to be blown away in the second half. Good riddance.

Gabbert over Kaepernick.

Same, GB @ SF, and SEA @ ATL is gonna be tough ones to pick next week.

Yep, seems like it's going to be between those two with Caldwell the favorite due to frequent visits. Also it seems that Mularkey is definitely out whether it's Keim or Caldwell. Hints of it have been all Jags' assistant coaches being given permission to look around for other jobs, as well as a Times-Union beat writer having an anonymous assistant tell him it's almost certain they're all gone but Mularkey is holding out hope, along with this from earlier today: Caldwell has been linked to 49ers OC Greg Roman, but only because they were college roommates. Chris Polian (ughhh) has been linked to join Caldwell in a personnel role if he gets the job (again, classmates in school.) I'd like Caldwell for certain, I'm OK with Roman, not sure about him but please god stay away from the disaster that is Chris Polian. Please Caldwell, don't do it. He was a travesty for the Colts' last drafts.