Razor's Mock, Version 3.0

[RazorStar 4,025]

This is my last mock draft before the real thing begins, so I will do my best to have explanations for all picks. There are trades, projected. I asked for a random numbers between 2 and 7.... Trident gave me a number between 4 and 5, so I had a total of 9 teams move around, since it takes two to trade. I'm sticking by 9 teams move in the first round mindset... so deal with it. You'll notice a few things that are immediately off, but I'll do my best to explain it all.

 

1. Marcel Dareus, DT, Alabama

 

Boom, let's start off right here. Carolina makes the smart decision and completely fucks everything up. We know the GM likes Clausen enough to stick in his corner, and he already drafted 2.5 Quarterbacks last year, drafting one with the first overall pick would be admitting he made a mistake, and I think he's too stubborn to let a thing like that happen. He'll lose his job before Carolina drafted a QB first overall, that's for sure. Dareus fills up a major need in the Carolina defensive line, and at least helps to soften the potential loss of Charles Johnson, or makes Charles Johnson want to return to a great defensive line in the making. Win-win situation there.

 

2. Patrick Peterson, CB, LSU

 

So the Broncos lose out on their surefire pick. I'm sure the entire War Room is restrianing Elway from immediately jumping on Gabbert or Newton. Peterson just has too much value, and compared to the other guys available, he actually fills a need. This could be AJ Green, or Robert Quinn, but I don't think we have any reason to reach when there's a stud right here.

 

3. Von Miller, OLB, Texas A&M

 

Buddy Nix is a senile old fuck, the QB of his dreams could easily fall to him and he wouldn't take him. I just don't fucking know with the Bills. Any sensible pick is probably out the window... but I can't be sure. When I say OLB, I mean 4-3 OLB, not Defensive end or edge rusher. Put the man where he fits best, and he's too small to play defensive end on non rushing downs.

 

4. Blaine Gabbert, QB, Mizzou

"When Blade Gabber's parents gave birth control to him, they name their son Blade after a sword, a knive or scissor. This mean he have a very sharp personality, and that his personality have very sharpness. Some may even say that he is a sharp as a whistle."

 

Thank you Emmitt.

 

5. Robert Quinn, OLB, North Carolina

The Cardinals need a pass rush like I need to sleep at a regular hour. Quinn may have lost a year due to the draconian NCAA rules, but he's still the top pure pass rusher available, and he is a better fit in the 3-4. Let him milk Haggans and Porter for their experience, as long as they stay off the field while doing so.

 

6. A.J. Green, WR, Georgia

Getting my man Colt McCoy some playmakers... keeping the Browns in the cellar of the AFC North. Sometimes shit just ain't fair.

 

7. Cam Newton, QB, Auburn

Damn, if only Mike Singletary were still around to see this fine spectacle of a man join their ranks. I can only imagine the arguments these two guys would have on the sidelines. Oh well, San Fran gets an incredibly talented prospect who is about as refined as the guys who goes into work with Cheetos stains on his shirt. New Regimes Bring New *gets run over by a bulldozer*

 

8. Aldon Smith, DE, Mizzouri

*Is still currently under a bulldozer* Titans avoiding Fairley here because he is a bust in the making, and without Washburn and Fisher there, I don't think Munchak takes a chance on a guy who doesn't put the effort in.

 

9. :Patriots: from DaQuan Bowers, DE/OLB, Clemson

Don't hit the red X just yet. I bet you there are still quite a few teams with interest in Bowers, despite his medical history. The Pats have been known to reach on problem guys before, and reform them into excellent players, and I don't doubt that Bill Belichick can get that explosiveness from DaQuan Bowers on the outside. He's large enough to shift everywhere in Belichick's hybrid system, so that's only another plus to his side. 9 may be a bit of a reach, but the trading partners are limited, and there are reaches in the real draft as well, so handle it.

 

10. from Julio Jones, WR, Alabama

The Rams have to make a move to get their playmaker, but Josh McDaniels and Sam Bradford are loving this move. Even though he's oft injured, he's still a beast while he's hurt, so why not move and get a real number 1 receiver. With other guys like AMendola, Avery and Clayton, Jones does the best job in rounding out that group and expanding all of their abilities.

 

11. Prince Amukamara, CB, Nebraska

The Texans get a great player here. Don't know what to tell you about the Prince, other than prepare to lose one of your receivers each week.

 

12. Tyron Smith, OT, USC

Oh hey a really good Tackle to move Bryant McKinnie out of the starting lineup. All is right in the world

 

13. from Nick Fairley, DT, Auburn

Oh hey this guy should have been picked earlier, you all are saying, but no. Fairley is gonna fall. Not far, but enough to cause some concern and get a team wanting to move up. That team is the Eagles, who are explicitly looking for that key defensive linemen to hold the fort. They have a ton of talented guys, and if Washburn can get Fairley to work out, they'll have the best DLine in the league, bar none.

 

14. from from Ryan Kerrigan, DE, Purdue

The Bucs will need to trade up to get a real defensive end with the way they're flying off the board. The Redskins need to trade down because they are filled with so many holes. This trade is heavenly for both sides, Kerrigan will be a real crowd pleaser for Tampa... and by that I mean he's a 10 sack a year kind of guy.

 

15. Mike Pouncey, OG, Florida

Just a pick that makes sense here, the Pouncey name is inflated by media hype, and the Dolphins are a team run on hype. So add in a major need and the hometown kid factor, and this move becomes a mathematical identity.

 

16. Christian Ponder, QB, Florida State

The Jags like high character players who can instantly integrate with a team's locker room. I think right now, those players are Christian Ponder, J.J. Watt and maybe Brooks Reed. With all the defensive line saturation they've done in the past couple of years, I think they move towards the QB position instead. This could easily be a major reach position though, so don't expect anything obvious.

 

The rest will be up later, but the current trades are:

 

New England offers the 17th and 60th picks overall to gain Dallas 9th overall pick and a 6th rounder

St. Louis offers the 14th and 78th picks overall to gain Washington's 10th overall pick

Philadelphia offers the 23rd, 85th and 108th overall picks for the 13th and Detroit's 5th rounder

Tampa Bay offers the 20th and 84th overall picks to gain Washington's 14th overall pick

Buffalo offers the 34th and 100th overall picks for New Orleans' 24th overall pick

Edited April 23, 2011 by RazorStar

[RazorStar 4,025]

17. from :Patriots: from J.J. Watt, DE, Wisconsin

Jerry Jones is laughing to the bank. YEEHAW I AM FUCKING CRAZY!

 

18. Gabe Carimi, RT, Wisconsin

The Chargers need a lot of help in quite a few places, and with AJ Smith alienating all his players, he better start on the offensive line and protect the one player he cared to pay for. Carimi is a beastly Right Tackle, and there are worst positions to spend the pick on this early.

 

19. Anthony Castonzo, LT, Boston College

The Giants get their Left Tackle of the future, now the question is, does Eli stop throwing so many interceptions now?

 

20. from Cameron Jordan, DE, California

Holy shit, I have the Redskins making a great pick? Well as they say, sometimes the wheels of fate run over the right roadkill. I better change this pick to Ryan Mallet or something.

 

21. Stefen Wisniewski, OG, Penn State

Dear Razor, stop making picks that are major reaches.

Dear Readers, this shit will happen on a hourly basis in the real draft, and you will cry. Like I will once we draft Andy Ryan Colin Locker Ponder Stanzi... errr anyway, Chiefs need some seriously offensive line help and Pioli really likes the guy. He's got pedigree and he's got some serious GRR to him.

 

22. Derek Sherrod, OT, Mississippi State

Bill Polian is laughing to the bank, YEEHAW, me and the competition committee are screwing over the fucking league! I AM FUCKING CRAZY!

 

23. from Jimmy Smith, CB, Colorado

Jim Schwartz: Bet you can't make me take the BPA again.

 

24. from Jake Locker, QB, Washington State

Buddy Nix suddenly got lucid and remembered he had to take a QB in the draft this year.

 

25. Adrian Clayborn, DE, Iowa

Pete Carroll doesn't let Erb's Palsy scare him, he doesn't even know what that is. He does know that a guy born from Clay is gonna be rock solid under the heat of competition. ... FUCK METAPHORS AND LEONARDO DICAPRIO.

 

26. Nate Solder, LT, Colorado

Ozzie Newsome is... yeah I know you get it. Laughing to the fucking bank. Consider Joe Flacco Consolidated.

 

27. Justin Houston, DE, Georgia

Just too good a pick here to ever give up ground on.

 

28. :Patriots: Danny Watkins, RG, Baylor

The Patriots don't need to worry about finding a long term guy with an amazing ceiling on the offensive line, they just need a guy to fill in for Stephen Neal, and Watkins is a perfect fit in the Patriot Way.

 

29. Corey Liuget, DT, Illinois

Too Liuget to quit. STOP MAKING THAT FUCKING JOKE, WE ALL KNOW IT. Everyone wants this fucker but they're playing coy, like no you take this guy, I'll take some other guy and then it's a big pile of smell the dildo in the ass if you know what I mean. Lovie Smith never smelt a dildo he didn't like. Where was I again? Oh this pick, it's obvious, you need to replace Tommie Harris with a guy who can do some real damage, and all of the really good offensive line prospects are off the board.

 

30. Cameron Heyward, DE, Ohio State

I swear to the heavens and hells you saw nothing, alright.

 

31. Ben Ijalana, OL, Villanova

Where would I plug this guy if I'm the Steelers? ANYWHERE ON THAT GOD FORSKAEN OFFENSIVE LINE. Ben Roethlisberger is gonna have to eat his dinner through a straw for the next 25 years if they don't find some guys to save his ass every once and again.

 

32. Muhammad Wilkerson, DE, Temple

Favre4Ever: God this is a horrible pick for the Packers, once again you know nothing about this team and I am ashamed to have you mock for my team.

Thank you JD.

Edited April 23, 2011 by RazorStar

[RazorStar 4,025]

Guy who weren't good enough to be First rounders

 

Phil Taylor, NT. Foot issues and not being the 100% best NT prosepct in this draft means you have some falling to do young man. Not ahead of Paea, not ahead of Austin, and maybe not even ahead of Casey or Nevis.

 

Mark Ingram, HB. I love you death man, but that knee is scaring teams away, even if you are too good to pass up. Should be an easy second round pick though.

 

Brooks Reed, OLB. Just a tad overrated, I think he's an early second rounder, but I wouldn't take him unless I was desperate for a pass rusher.

 

Akeem Ayers, OLB. I'm just no impressed with him as a pass rusher. Again he's only a first rounder to a desperate team.

 

Any other QB. You shouldn't even be considered first rounders, I don't know what draft experts are smoking this year. Even Locker and Ponder are reaches.

 

Second tier WR's. You guys just don't have first round value, you must be at least as studly as Hakeem Nicks to get on this ride, and there just isn't anyone close.

 

Aaron Williams and Rahim Moore. Just not your draft I guess. Both of these guys are borderline first rounders, but I didn't think anyone would bite this time around.

 

Alright that about covers it. Enjoy.

[AllYouNeedIsLovie 377]

Different than other mocks, but a very solid one. I don't see Akeem Ayers falling out of the 1st round though. I think the Jets will take him at #30 if he is still there.

[DonovanMcnabb for H.O.F 2,241]

holy shit.... This would be perfect.... rofl.

[Purple Pride 4]

I love this pick

[RazorStar 4,025]

Bumping this up. Got one pick right, and one pick half right so far.