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RazorStar

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RazorStar last won the day on December 20 2019

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About RazorStar

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    Hatred Outlives the Hateful
  • Birthday 08/31/1992

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  1. RazorStar

    2020 Democratic Primary Race

    From the sounds of it, it seems like this was a smear on Bernie by Warren supporters, or just Warren sticking her foot in her mouth again.
  2. RazorStar

    Dissonants Unite

    check the source on the bottom of the graph. 😛
  3. As someone who started writing a series of fanfictions based off of a dumb joke on stream, just go for it. You know you want to. Eat the forbidden apple you leg having bitch.
  4. RazorStar

    Razor's QB Rankings 2019

    And the final results. Not a whole lot of changes this week. The big risers were Carson Wentz, who got to prey on an abysmal Giants pass defense and despite having nothing at WR, still caved in face. The other large riser was Gardner Minshew, who looked good in the last week of the season against a beat up Colts team, and helped make sure their division rival Titans would get in even with a loss this week. There was one major faller, as Duck Hodges completed his cratering to the near bottom of the list. Case Keenum also fell a few spots as the Cowboys got the better of a worn down Redskins squad. Pretty much no movement other than that, so Drew Brees ends the season as your most efficient QB. The Playoff QB's this year finished 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 11, 12, 13, 15, 21, and 22 this season, with Tom Brady and Josh Allen being the odd men out. Teddy Bridgewater also deserves mention for keeping the Saints afloat during Brees' injury, which is why I'm giving him credit for the Saints. Week 17 QB Rankings: 1. Drew Brees 12 2. Lamar Jackson 18 3. Patrick Mahomes 23 4. Ryan Tannehill 30 5. Kirk Cousins 34 6. Russell Wilson 36 7. Dak Prescott 37 8. Matthew Stafford 42 (+1) 9. Derek Carr 43 (-1) 10. Deshaun Watson 47 11. Jimmy Garoppolo 54 12. Aaron Rodgers 63 13. Teddy Bridgewater 63 14. Drew Lock 77 15. Carson Wentz 79 (+4) 16. Jacoby Brissett 79 17. Matt Ryan 80 18. Kyler Murray 81 19. Case Keenum 84 (-4) 20. Gardner Minshew 87 (+3) 21. Tom Brady 87 (+1) 22. Josh Allen 89 (-2) 23. Philip Rivers 90 (-2) 24. Jared Goff 93 (+1) 25. Ryan Fitzpatrick 93 (+1) 26. Jameis Winston 94 (-2) 27. Marcus Mariota 103 28. Mitch Trubisky 105 29. Sam Darnold 107 30. Eli Manning 108 31. Daniel Jones 109 (+2) 32. Jeff Driskel 110 33. Nick Foles 110 (+1) 34. Baker Mayfield 111 (+1) 35. Mason Rudolph 115 (+1) 36. Joe Flacco 126 (+1) 37. Andy Dalton 132 (+1) 38. Kyle Allen 144 (+1) 39. Devlin Hodges 147 (-8) 40. Dwayne Haskins 151 (+1) 41. David Blough 153 (-1) 42. Josh Rosen 166
  5. RazorStar

    Super Bowl LIV Picks

    Well I somehow managed to nail one 6th seed, and get a 6th seed competitor for the last week of the season. If that did end up being the superbowl that would certainly be unexpected.
  6. RazorStar

    Razor's QB Rankings 2019

    Well that was one hell of a week. Andy Dalton nearly leads a 16 point comeback over the Dolphins, Ryan Fitzpatrick throws 5 TDs, same with Danny Dimes, as all the trash teams play each other and get to go off. With just one week left, and a lot of teams having nothing to play for, I don't expect the final results to change too much from this, but we shall see what happens. But hey, Drew Lock appearance, and he isn't completely shitting the bed! Week 16 QB Rankings 1. Drew Brees 14 2. Lamar Jackson 19 3. Patrick Mahomes 23 4. Ryan Tannehill 31 (+1) 5. Kirk Cousins 35 (-1) 6. Russell Wilson 38 7. Dak Prescott 42 8. Derek Carr 42 (+2) 9. Matthew Stafford 44 10. Deshaun Watson 47 (-2) 11. Jimmy Garoppolo 59 12. Aaron Rodgers 60 13. Teddy Bridgewater 65 14. Drew Lock 70 (NR) 15. Case Keenum 72 (+1) 16. Jacoby Brissett 73 (-2) 17. Matt Ryan 77 (-2) 18. Kyler Murray 83 (-1) 19. Carson Wentz 83 (-1) 20. Josh Allen 88 (-1) 21. Philip Rivers 91 (-1) 22. Tom Brady 91 (+1) 23. Gardner Minshew 92 (-1) 24. Jameis Winston 94 (-3) 25. Jared Goff 102 (+1) 26. Ryan Fitzpatrick 102 (+5) 27. Marcus Mariota 105 (+2) 28. Mitch Trubisky 107 (-4) 29. Sam Darnold 108 (-2) 30. Eli Manning 109 (-2) 31. Devlin Hodges 110 (-6) 32. Jeff Driskel 111 33. Daniel Jones 111 (+1) 34. Nick Foles 114 (-4) 35. Baker Mayfield 117 (-2) 36. Mason Rudolph 117 37. Joe Flacco 126 (-2) 38. Andy Dalton 133 (-1) 39. Kyle Allen 138 (-1) 40. David Blough 150 (-1) 41. Dwayne Haskins 153 (-1) 42. Josh Rosen 166 (-1)
  7. RazorStar

    Merry Christmas you buttholes!

    May your day be better than the average, and the food much better than the average!
  8. RazorStar

    NFL Playoff Scenarios (Week 17)

    The chase for the NFC is all but decided as well, with only the NFC East needing to decide it's representative, and the 4th seed in the playoff. If the Eagles win, or the Cowboys lose, the Eagles are the 4th seed by virtue of their win over Dallas last sunday. If the Eagles lose, and Dallas wins, the NFC East is won by the Cowboys at 8-8. They somehow aren't dead yet despite losing 4 straight. The are locked in as the 6th seed thanks to their loss to Green Bay on monday night. The are currently the 5 seed, but they will win the NFC West with a win over San Francisco, and are still in play for home field advantage if both the Packers and Saints lose this week. The are currently penciled in as the third seed. They need the Seahawks to beat the 49ers, as well as the Packers to lose to the Lions and secure a win for themselves. If they lose, they'll be the three seed automatically. If they win, and only one of the 49ers or Packers lose, they can get up to the two seed. The just need a little bit of help to secure home field throughout. A win plus a Seahawks win over San Francisco will do it. A win will get them a first round bye regardless, and a loss will drop them to third unless the Saints lose too. The are the team that controls their destiny for home field advantage. Beat Seattle, and they're the one seed. Lose and they are the 5. If they tie, they still win the division, but the Packers and Saints can get better seeding with wins.
  9. RazorStar

    NFL Playoff Scenarios (Week 17)

    The AFC is pretty simple at this point, aside from the chase for the 6th seed, which can get pretty interesting. are locked in as the one seed, and they'll be resting their starters against the Steelers from the sounds of it. are in the drivers seat for the two seed. A win or a chiefs loss will lock up the two seed, but if they lose and the Chiefs win, they'll fall to the three. are currently the three seed, but can rise to the two seed as shown above, or fall to the four seed if they lose and the texans win. Otherwise they'll remain in the third spot. are currently the four seed, and need a win over the Titans + a chiefs loss to get to the three seed. are locked in as the 5 seed and aren't playing for anything but pride now. are currently in the drivers seat for the 6 seed and have the unassailable SOV advantage over Pittsburgh. A win over the Texans will take it, but they can still get in even with a loss, they just need some help from Pittsburgh, Indianapolis and Oakland of all teams. situation is pretty simple. They need a win and the Titans to lose or draw. Or a draw and a Titans loss, but fundamentally the win would be much better. They actually can backdoor their way in if the Colts go 8-8 as well as the Titans losing to go 8-8. As long as the Raiders don't throw a wrench into the mix... I haven't talked about the Raiders as a potential playoff team yet, but they still have an outside shot in hell here. Their situation requires them to win, the Titans and Steelers to lose, the Colts to beat the Jags, and then to secure the Strength of Victory tiebreaker over the Steelers, which is real close right now.
  10. RazorStar

    NFL Playoff Scenarios (Week 17)

    The hot takes are dead, the Vikings clinch a playoff spot with a Rams loss, so now all that's left in the NFC is a seeding battle. Seattle and San Francisco will decide the fate of the NFC West and likely the number 1 seed in the conference overall. The loser of that game will be the 5th seed, and have to travel to either Dallas or Philadelphia to start a hellish road slog. Speaking of Dallas and Philadelphia, they can mostly decide the NFC East tonight. If Dallas wins, they're in as the 4 seed and the week 17 games don't matter to them. If they lose, the Eagles are a game up, but need either a win in week 17 or a Dallas loss in week 17 to guarantee the spot. In the rare case that we get ourselves a tie, the Cowboys only need to finish with the same or a better record than the Eagles to win the East. The Packers and Vikings are playing for the division crown on monday night. If the Packers win they clinch the NFC North, if they lose, they still lead the NFC North, but will be in position to be overtaken if the Vikings finish with a 12-4 record to their 11-5 record. A tie will favour the Packers on the strength of their in division record. The 49ers need to win week 17 to clinch home field advantage throughout the playoffs. The Saints are currently the three seed. If they win out, Seattle beats San Fran in week 17, and Green Bay stumbles once, they're the one seed. The Vikings are currently the six seed, and cannot win home field advantage throughout anymore. They can get as high as the two seed with a lot of help, but that's it. They can end up the 5 seed by winning out, tying with the Packers for the division, and having San Francisco lose to Seattle on week 17. The Packers need the Seahawks to lose to Arizona today, and beat San Francisco week 17, along with winning out to secure home field advantage. The Seahawks need to win out and have the Packers win out to clinch home field advantage.
  11. Colts took out the Jags. Steelers beat the Bengals, went on the road to handle Denver, and then beat the Colts on the road again.
  12. Super bowl changes after 18 years of bullshit. Steelers +3 Conference Champion (net), +1 SB Win (net), +2 SB Losses (from 6-2 to 7-4) Colts +2 Conference Champion (net), +0 SB Win (net), +2 SB Losses. (from 2-2 to 2-4) Chargers +2 Conference Champion, +2 SB Losses (from 0-1 to 0-3) Ravens +1 Conference Champion, +1 SB Loss (2-0 to 2-1) Chiefs +1 Conference Champion, +1 SB Win (1-1 to 2-1) Patriots -9 Conference Champion, -6 SB Wins, -3 SB Loss (from 6-5 to 0-2) Bears +1 Conference Champion, +1 SB Win, -0 SB Loss (net) (from 1-1 to 2-1) Packers +1 Conference Champion, +1 SB Win (from 4-1 to 5-1) Cardinals +1 SB Win, -1 SB Loss (from 0-1 to 1-0) Seahawks +1 SB Win, -1 SB Loss (from 1-2 to 2-1) Eagles +0 SB Win (net), +0 SB Loss (net) (1-2) Rams -1 Conference Champion, +1 SB Win, -2 SB Loss (from 1-3 to 2-1) Giants -1 Conference Champion, -1 SB Win (from 4-1 to 3-1)
  13. 2014 Well the Patriots wanted to go to the super bowl again… NO. Denied. Blocked. 0-16 for you. Odell Beckham was the oroty, Aaron Donald was the defensive rookie of the year, the New England Patriots… went 0-16. Let’s put a couple of wins up for the Jets, and one for the Dolphins, Bills, Vikings, Raiders, Bengals, Bears, Broncos, Colts, Lions, and Chargers. AFC East 1. Buffalo Bills 10-6 2. Miami Dolphins 9-7 3. New York Jets 6-10 4. New England Patriots 0-16 AFC 1. Denver Broncos 13-3 (up from 2) 2. Indianapolis Colts 12-4 (up from 3) 3. Cincinnati Bengals 11-4-1 (up from 6) 4. Buffalo Bills 10-6 (unseeded) 5. Pittsburgh Steelers 11-5 (down from 4) 6. San Diego Chargers 10-6 (H2H > Ravens) (unseeded) The NFC has the wildcards flipflop, but Detroit still can’t beat Green Bay for the division title. The Seahawks still storm out of the NFC, they just handle the Lions in the divisional round instead, before horseshoe magicing the Packers out in the conference championship. In the AFC, the team of note may actually be the Andrew Luck Colts. John Fox was booking his ticket out of Denver by the time the playoffs started, so they’ve got no fire to play well. The Chargers will dispose of the Bengals, and the Steelers will handle the Bills in the wild card. Then I think the Colts win out of that four pack. Ryan Grigson hasn’t completely self destructed the team around Luck just yet, and they can win a conference championship against an upstart Charger team with not a lot to offer. However, the super bowl is clearly in the Seahawks favour, and in the battle of 2012 QBs, Wilson comes out on top. New 2014 Super Bowl Seahawks > Colts 40-17 2015 None of you are free from original sin. None of you are free from The New England Patriots going 0-16, despite Gronk, despite turdstown Tom. 0-16 is the life for all Bahstonians. Let’s go ahead and distribute those 12 wins. 2 for the Bills, and 1 for the Jets, Dolphins, Steelers, Jaguars, Colts, Cowboys, Redskins, Giants, Texans and Titans. That means Ryan Fitzpatrick finally gets a playoff appearance! AFC East: 1. New York Jets 11-5 2. Buffalo Bills 10-6 3. Miami Dolphins 7-9 4. New England Patriots 0-16 AFC: 1. Denver Broncos 12-4 (H2H over Cincy) 2. Cincinnati Bengals 12-4 (up from 3) 3. New York Jets 11-5 (unseeded) 4. Houston Texans 10-6 5. Kansas City Chiefs 11-5 (H2H over Pit) 6. Pittsburgh Steelers 11-5 NFC is Unchanged. So therefore I think the Panthers still walk right on through the AFC without blinking. I’m not trusting Ryan Fitzpatrick in a postseason game, and we saw the Chiefs dismantle this Texans team in reality, so both wildcards win in the AFC. We saw Denver beat Pittsburgh in the AFC championship, so they move on. Now the divisional round match between the Chiefs and Bengals is interesting, because with that bye week, maybe Andy Dalton is healthy. And if Dalton is healthy…. Who am I kidding, it’s the Marv Lewis Bengals. Chiefs win and face the Broncos in the championship. However the Andy Reid school of clock management fails them, and the Broncos go to Super Bowl 50 to face the Panthers. We’ve seen this story before. 2015 Super Bowl. Unchanged. Broncos > Panthers 24-10 2016 Falcons fans rejoice. 28-3 never happens in this timeline. We don’t have to witness three straight years of Patriots super bowls because the Patriots are 0-16. They had a pretty good season, so let’s give away those 14 wins they stole from better teams. But wait, you say. Tom Brady was already suspended 4 games for Deflate Gate, surely you don’t need to remove those- TOO FUCKING BAD CHUM. Maybe you should stop taping team’s signals. We’re giving two wins to the Jets and Dolphins, and a single to the Bills, Cardinals, Texans, Browns, Bengals, Steelers, 49ers, Rams, Ravens and Broncos. Let’s take a look at a new AFC, featuring a 12-4 Miami Dolphins? Wild. AFC East: 1. Miami Dolphins 12-4 2. Buffalo Bills 8-8 3. New York Jets 6-10 4. New England Patriots 0-16 AFC (oh god tiebreaker hell): 1. Pittsburgh Steelers 12-4 (Conference Record > MIA + KC) (Up from 3) 2. Miami Dolphins 12-4 (Common Games > KC) (up from 6) 3. Kansas City Chiefs 12-4 (H2H > Oakland) (down from 2) 4. Houston Texans 10-6 5. Oakland Raiders 12-4 6. Denver Broncos 10-6 (unseeded) The NFC is unchanged, which means there’s no reason not to expect a thirsty Falcons team from winning the NFC. The real question is what a Trevor Siemian led Broncos team does in the postseason this time around? Probably lose to the Chiefs for a third time this season. Texans will beat the Raiders without Derek Carr, and we’ve got all front runners for the Divisional round. Steelers took care of both the Dolphins and Chiefs on the way to the conference championship last time around, I expect things to be the same here. Brock Osweiler and a gritty Texans D doesn’t really scare me. Anyway the super bowl comes around, and this time the Falcons don’t blow a 28-3 lead. They blow a much more modest 13-3 one instead. Le’Veon Bell wins MVP after rushing for 140, receiving for 90, and scoring 2 touchdowns. New 2016 Super Bowl. Steelers > Falcons 24-20 2017 So free home field advantage season after season is kind of bullshit, right? Good thing that doesn’t happen this time around. Patriots get fucked by the long dick of the law and go… you guessed it, 0-16. They’ve got 13 games to change this time around, so let’s do it. Got to give two to the Bills and Jets, and one to the Dolphins, Saints, Texans, Bucs, Falcons, Chargers, Broncos, Raiders and Steelers. However, the Patriots aren’t alone at the bottom this year, as the Browns still go 0-16. The Bills don’t need a miracle to make the playoffs this time around, and actually make the second seed after tiebreakers. AFC East: 1. Buffalo Bills 11-5 2. Miami Dolphins 7-9 3. New York Jets 7-9 4. New England Patriots 0-16 AFC: 1. Pittsburgh Steelers 14-2 (up from 2) 2. Buffalo Bills 11-5 (up from 6) 3. Jacksonville Jaguars 10-6 (Conference record) 4. Kansas City Chiefs 10-6 (H2H tiebreaker) 5. San Diego Chargers 10-6 (unseeded) 6. Tennessee Titans 9-7 (down from 5) In the NFC, the wildcard spots switch around, so the Falcons are the 5 seed, and the Panthers are the 6 seed. The Saints also supplant the Rams as the 3 seed, so the wild card matches don’t actually change. So we can expect the Falcons to beat the Rams again, and the Saints to edge out the Panthers in a tough fought game. And since highest seed plays the lowest seed, the NFC doesn’t actually change despite 4 teams swapping seeds. The Minnesota Miracle still happens, Nick Foles still happens, and the Eagles wind up representing the NFC. The AFC is a different can of worms, because a Blake Bortles miracle never happens. The Titans are the Jags kryptonite, and Marcus Mariota wins a playoff game over his division rival Jags. The Chiefs edge out the Chargers, and face the Bills in the divisional round. In a battle of hyper conservative QBs, it’s the Bills who edge out the Chiefs and go to the conference championship to face the Steelers. Because the Titans run out of gas to the Steeler offensive, and the Bills are immediately tributed to the same cause. Which means we get a rematch of the battle for Pennsylvania in the Super Bowl 13 years later. This time the Steelers don’t underestimate the QB in green, get a bunch of key sacks to limit the high flying Eagles offense, and Le’Veon Bell wins his second straight Super Bowl MVP, rushing for 200 yards, and getting a modest 40 receiving yards with three touchdowns on the night. 2017 New Super Bowl. Steelers > Eagles 38-28 2018 Good news, we can wipe an awful super bowl out of the history books. The Patriots won’t be here to suck all the fun out of football for one last time. The losing streak is at a modest 288 games now, as the future looks bright and hopeful for a Steelers team who looks to three-peat. Two time Super Bowl MVP Le’Veon Bell still holds out, and the Steelers still don’t pay him. We’ve got 11 wins to fix, let’s see what happens. We need to give a pair of wins to the Jets and Bills, as well as one to the Texans, Dolphins, Colts, Chiefs, Bears, Packers and Vikings. AFC East: 1. Miami Dolphins 8-8 (Divisional Record > BUF) 2. Buffalo Bills 8-8 3. New York Jets 6-10 4. New England Patriots 0-16 AFC: 1. Kansas City Chiefs 13-3 2. Houston Texans 12-4 (up from 3) 3. Baltimore Ravens 10-6 4. Miami Dolphins 8-8 (unseeded) 5. Los Angeles Chargers 12-4 6. Indianapolis Colts 10-6 NFC: The Vikings take the 6th seed from the Eagles with their victory over New England, meaning we don’t get to see Nick Foles in the playoffs this time around. With the Bears forcing a three way tie at 13-3, the Rams drop to the 3rd seed by virtue of losses to both Chicago and New Orleans, and have to play an extra playoff game. The Saints drop to the two seed, as the Bears have a superior conference record, that makes the scenario shake out like this. 1. Chicago Bears 13-3 2. New Orleans Saints 13-3 3. Los Angeles Rams 13-3 4. Dallas Cowboys 10-6 5. Seattle Seahawks 10-6 6. Minnesota Vikings 9-6-1 The Vikings limp into the postseason, and easily get handle by the McVay Rams, and we saw the result of the Seattle Dallas match fall in Dallas’ favour. In the Saints vs. Rams redux, we once again see the Saints get screwed by an awful call, and fall to the Rams in a disgustingly close game. The Bears don’t eat shit against the Cowboys, and earn a home game with the Rams. Khalil Mack and Aaron Donald have themselves a grand ol time, but eventually the Bears end up on top, and win the NFC. The AFC is also fun and new with the Patriots evicted from the process. The Chargers easily sweep up the Dolphins, and the Colts surpass the Ravens in a gritty defensive showdown ended by a costly Lamar Jackson fumble. The Chargers keep the heat on and take out the Texans on the road as well, punching a ticket for the AFC Championship game. Patrick Mahomes shows the world he’s the real deal against the Colts, and we get an all AFC West conference championship. This is the year Andy Reid finally breaks through to the Super Bowl in the AFC, putting up 40 points and needing nearly every single one of them in a tight 40-38 victory over the other LA team. So we avoid the battle of Los Angeles, but instead get the battle of the midwest, as offense faces defense, Mahomes vs. the Monsters of the Midway, Trubisky vs the guy Chicago should have drafted instead. Matt Nagy against his former team... lots of storylines come to a head in this alternate future and the result... New 2018 Super Bowl Chiefs > Bears 31-14 Mahomes cannot be stopped by normal means this season, and wins a Super Bowl MVP to go with his regular season MVP. All hail the Mahomes show. 2019 (as of week 15) https://playoffpredictors.com/Football/CustomLeague/SchedulePicker/0E700630-E7FC-43DB-92EA-9E71507C57C9/?L=EwRmoyTcJ7TQU+yqUaAzJj56IEKFillqwbmgAMd9DjNSsyMtTndxKBrlLUnHy9e+SiWGDJqCsREMgA&c=cgm:1|tnptlw:true
  14. 2007 The season you’ve all been waiting for. Randy Moss, Wes Welker, a 50 passing TD offense… 0-16. No Asterisk Needed. Two wins for the Dolphins, Bills and Jets, 1 win each for the AFC North, NFC East, the Chargers and the Colts. From the best team in history to the same old same old Cheatriots. The Bills finally win the division! Cam Cameron goes 3-13 as the Dolphins head coach! (and still gets fired). The Cleveland Browns make the playoffs for the first time in franchise history with Derek Anderson! (Their 2002 bid was taken by the Bills). AFC East 1. Buffalo Bills 9-7 2. New York Jets 6-10 3. Miami Dolphins 3-13 4. New England Patriots 0-16 AFC: 1. Indianapolis Colts 14-2 (up from 2) 2. San Diego Chargers 12-4 (up from 3) 3. Pittsburgh Steelers 11-5 (up from 4) 4. Buffalo Bills 9-7 (unseeded) 5. Jacksonville Jaguars 11-5 6. Cleveland Browns 11-5 (unseeded) The NFC is unchanged, as the Cowboys are still the top seed, and the Giants and Redskins wildcards. So the Giants once again cruise through the NFC on the way to a super bowl date. Who do they face though? Well the Colts are the front runners without the Patriot menace to deal with, but the Chargers deal with them in the postseason in reality, and I don’t see anything changing that. So rather than getting a Manning vs. Manning super bowl, we get the Revenge of the Chargers, as they take on the QB who spurned them for New York. However, the Chargers are banged up during their playoff run, and can only put up a token effort against the stout Giants Defense. The win isn’t as dramatic as the real 2007 Super Bowl was, but the Giants take their first title nonetheless. Eli goes to disney world, the Chargers lose a second super bowl in a row. New 2007 Super Bowl: Giants > Chargers 23-9 2008 The last time the Patriots missed the playoffs I was in high school. Jesus christ, good thing we can retroactively fix this timeline. Brady didn’t play the season you say? Guess what, Matt Cassel is a dirty cheater too and those 11 wins they stole need to go to their rightful owners. Two wins to the Bills, and a win to the Dolphins, Jets, Chiefs, 49ers, Broncos, Rams, Seahawks, Raiders and Cardinals makes the new situation look like this. AFC East: 1. Miami Dolphins 12-4 2. New York Jets 10-6 3. Buffalo Bills 9-7 4. New England Patriots 0-16 AFC: 1. Tennessee Titans 13-3 2. Pittsburgh Steelers 12-4 (Conference Record Tiebreaker) 3. Miami Dolphins 12-4 4. Denver Broncos 9-7 (unseeded) 5. Indianapolis Colts 12-4 6. Baltimore Ravens 11-5 NFC is unchanged, and as such, the Cardinals likely shock the world and pull out the NFC victory as Kurt Warner and Larry Fitzgerald put the league on notice. But what does the AFC change do? Well the Broncos limp into the postseason losing 4 straight, so they likely lose to the Colts, meaning we end up with a Steelers / Colts divisional round game, while the winner will host the Ravens in the conference championship since they dusted the Dolphins and Titans. The Steelers actually lost to the Colts in their regular season game, so we'll have the Ravens and Colts in the AFC Championship. The Colts come out on top in the battle of Baltimore, and face the Cardinals in the super bowl. This time however, the Cardinals come out on top, as Kurt Warner wins his third Super Bowl ring, and puts the Cardinals in the annals of Super Bowl Champions. New 2008 Super Bowl: Cardinals > Colts 31-26 2009 It’s the last year of the oughts, and the Patriots ought to go 0-16 again. Kind of surprising Belichick still has a job in this timeline, but that’s how it goes when you cheat. They actually did worse than they did in 2008, but didn’t have the Chad Pennington wildcat to compete with to win the AFC East at 10-6. Two wins go to the Bills, and a win each to the Jets, Dolphins, Falcons, Ravens, Titans, Bucs, Panthers and Jaguars change the results thusly. AFC East: 1. New York Jets 10-6 2. Miami Dolphins 8-8 3. Buffalo Bills 8-8 4. New England Patriots 0-16 AFC: 1. Indianapolis Colts 14-2 2. San Diego Chargers 13-3 3. New York Jets 10-6 (H2H over CIN) (up from 5) 4. Cincinnati Bengals 10-6 (H2H over BAL) 5. Baltimore Ravens 10-6 (up from 6) 6. Pittsburgh Steelers 9-7 (unseeded) (H2H over TEN) The NFC is unchanged, and despite the seeding shakeup, I don’t think the results of the AFC changes either. The Steelers and those Rex Ryan Jets might be an interesting matchup in the wild card round, but I don’t have any reason to believe it won’t be a Colts Saints super bowl. 2009 Super Bowl. Unchanged. Saints > Colts 31-17 After 9 years of changes, here are the current results. Colts +1 Conference Champion (net), +1 SB Win, +1 SB Loss. 1 SB Win removed (from 2-2 to 2-3) Chargers +2 Conference Champion, +2 SB Loss (from 0-1 to 0-3) Steelers +1 Conference Champion (net), +2 SB Losses, 1 SB Win Removed (from 6-1 to 5-3) Patriots -4 Conference Champion, -3 SB Wins, -1 SB Loss (from 3-3 to 0-2) Rams +1 SB Victory (from 1-2 to 2-1) Eagles +1 SB Victory (from 0-2 to 1-1) Bears +1 SB Victory (from 1-1 to 2-0) Cardinals +1 SB Victory (from 0-1 to 1-0) 2010 A brand new decade of unending misery for Patriots fans in 2010. 14 wins needs to be sent to the other teams of the league, so let’s get dividing. Two wins to the Dolphins and Bills, and a win to the Jets, Bengals, Ravens, Chargers, Vikings, Steelers, Colts, Lions, Bears, Packers makes a stacked field for sure. The Jets actually secure home field advantage with this setup, and that might be just the ticket to push them past the Steelers in the AFC. AFC East 1. New York Jets 12-4 2. Miami Dolphins 9-7 3. Buffalo Bills 6-10 4. New England Patriots 0-16 AFC: 1. New York Jets 12-4 (H2H tiebreaker over PIT) (Up from 6) 2. Pittsburgh Steelers 12-4 (H2H tiebreaker over BAL) 3. Indianapolis Colts 11-5 4. San Diego Chargers 10-6 (Divisional record tiebreaker) 5. Baltimore Ravens 12-4 6. Kansas City Chiefs 10-6 (down from 4) The NFC is unchanged, and this is very important for the Packers. I have no doubt in my mind that they get Beastquaked by the 7-9 Seahawks if they end up the 5th seed. But by avoiding that fate, they can actually take the NFC for themselves. And while I might tease the Jets being a legit super bowl contender in a world without Patriots, I don’t honestly believe they beat the Steelers in the conference championship even with home field advantage. I think the Ravens would probably have trumped them as well. So I’m sticking to the same result, a Steelers Packers super bowl, with Rodgers coming out on top. 2010 Super Bowl. Unchanged. Packers > Steelers 31-25 2011 After a brief 4 year hiatus, the real life Patriots returned to the Super Bowl, only to lose to Eli Manning and the Giants once again. This marks the 11th year of 0-16 in the correct timeline. A 13-3 squad means 13 wins to give. Two wins for the Jets and Dolphins this time, and a single win for the Bills, Chargers, Raiders, Cowboys, Chiefs, Eagles, Colts, Redskins and Broncos changes the results thus: AFC East: 1. New York Jets 10-6 2. Miami Dolphins 8-8 3. Buffalo Bills 7-9 4. New England Patriots 0-16 AFC: 1. Baltimore Ravens 12-4 (up from 2) 2. Houston Texans 10-6 (up from 3) 3. New York Jets 10-6 (unseeded) 4. Denver Broncos 9-7 (tiebreaker on KC and SD) 5. Pittsburgh Steelers 12-4 6. Cincinnati Bengals 9-7 The Patriots really fuck up the NFC East though, forcing a three way tie between the Giants, Cowboys and Eagles at 9-7. With a superior divisional record of 5-1, it’s actually the Philadelphia Eagles who win the NFC East, and the dream team gets a shot at postseason glory. The super bowl champion of this season doesn’t even qualify for the postseason, so now it gets weird. I don’t think anyone beats the Ravens in the AFC. Tebowmania will die in Baltimore, and neither the Texans nor the Jets have the game to keep up with their defense. The NFC though… well the Eagles take the 4 seed for the Giants, but the rest of the seeding remains unchanged. With that said, I like the Packers odds to repeat in the NFC, after a home date against either the flailing Eagles or Falcons, followed by a conference championship against the Alex Smith 49ers. If it were the Colin Kaepernick 49ers it may be a different story, but we didn’t unlock that mode yet. As for the result… New 2011 Super Bowl: Packers > Ravens 24-19 Aaron Rodgers win his second super bowl in a row with Mike McCarthy’s incredibly high output offense. Rodgers wins his second super bowl MVP, while Billy Cundiff faces scrutiny for some really bad extra point misses throughout the game. 2012 Some people think the world ended at the end of 2012 and we’re just living in a simulation now. I won’t deny the possibility. We’re definitely living in some kind of simulation. One where the Patriots lose every game this season. We;ve got 12 games to dump, so let’s do it. Give two wins to the Jets, Dolphins, and Bills, and a single to the Titans, Broncos, Rams, Colts, Texans and Jaguars. AFC East: 1. Miami Dolphins 9-7 2. New York Jets 8-8 3. Buffalo Bills 8-8 4. New England Patriots 0-16 AFC: 1. Denver Broncos 14-2 2. Houston Texans 13-3 (up from 3) 3. Baltimore Ravens 10-6 (Divisional Record over Cin) (up from 4) 4. Miami Dolphins 9-7 (unseeded) 5. Indianapolis Colts 12-4 6. Cincinnati Bengals 10-6 Look, nothing is stopping Ray Lewis from hatefucking the AFC and Joe Flacco being an elite QB. The NFC is unchanged, so we can assume the 49ers finally break through thanks to Colin Kaepernick. Peyton Manning gets a revenge game in the playoff against the Colts, so naturally we can assume the conference championship is a Ravens / Colts showdown where the Colts get clowned on. 2012 Super Bowl Unchanged, Ravens > 49ers, 34-31 2013 Ugh, 2013. I hate this season almost as much as 2012. But those are personal reasons, and there’s no reason to hate a season in which the Patriots go 0-16 again. How many losses in a row is this? 208. That’s almost as many as the Orioles lose in a baseball season. Anyway, they went 12-4* this year, so let’s fix that. Give the Bills two wins, and the Jets, Dolphins, Bucs, Falcons, Saints, Steelers, Broncos, Texans, Browns and Ravens another win and let’s see what happens. AFC East 1. New York Jets 9-7 (Divisional Record tiebreaker) 2. Miami Dolphins 9-7 3. Buffalo Bills 8-8 4. New England Patriots 0-16 AFC 1. Denver Broncos 14-2 2. Cincinnati Bengals 11-5 (H2H tiebreaker) (up from 2) 3. Indianapolis Colts 11-5 (up from 3) 4. New York Jets 9-7 (unseeded) 5. Kansas City Chiefs 11-5 6. Miami Dolphins 9-7 (Conference Record > PIT and SD) (unseeded) NFC 1. Seattle Seahawks 13-3 2. Carolina Panthers 12-4 3. Philadelphia Eagles 10-6 4. Green Bay Packers 8-7-1 5. New Orleans Saints 12-4 (H2H tiebreaker > SF) (up from 6) 6. San Francisco 49ers 12-4 (down from 5) Despite the somewhat drastic changes brought about by the Patriots recusal of the season, I don’t think the result would change all that much. The order of results might change, but Denver has no competition in the AFC, and the NFC is a dogfight that will likely end with the legion of boom crushing the Saints in the championship game after tossing out the 49ers in the divisional round. 2013 Super Bowl unchanged. Seahawks > Broncos 43-8
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