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Thought Experiment: What if the Patriots wins were revoked?

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The season you’ve all been waiting for. Randy Moss, Wes Welker, a 50 passing TD offense… 0-16. No Asterisk Needed. Two wins for the Dolphins, Bills and Jets, 1 win each for the AFC North, NFC East, the Chargers and the Colts. From the best team in history to the same old same old Cheatriots. The Bills finally win the division! Cam Cameron goes 3-13 as the Dolphins head coach! (and still gets fired). The Cleveland Browns make the playoffs for the first time in franchise history with Derek Anderson! (Their 2002 bid was taken by the Bills).


AFC East

1. Buffalo Bills 9-7

2. New York Jets 6-10

3. Miami Dolphins 3-13

4. New England Patriots 0-16



1. Indianapolis Colts 14-2 (up from 2)

2. San Diego Chargers 12-4 (up from 3)

3. Pittsburgh Steelers 11-5 (up from 4)

4. Buffalo Bills 9-7 (unseeded)

5. Jacksonville Jaguars 11-5

6. Cleveland Browns 11-5 (unseeded)


The NFC is unchanged, as the Cowboys are still the top seed, and the Giants and Redskins wildcards. So the Giants once again cruise through the NFC on the way to a super bowl date. Who do they face though? Well the Colts are the front runners without the Patriot menace to deal with, but the Chargers deal with them in the postseason in reality, and I don’t see anything changing that. So rather than getting a Manning vs. Manning super bowl, we get the Revenge of the Chargers, as they take on the QB who spurned them for New York.


However, the Chargers are banged up during their playoff run, and can only put up a token effort against the stout Giants Defense. The win isn’t as dramatic as the real 2007 Super Bowl was, but the Giants take their first title nonetheless. Eli goes to disney world, the Chargers lose a second super bowl in a row.


New 2007 Super Bowl: Giants > Chargers 23-9



The last time the Patriots missed the playoffs I was in high school. Jesus christ, good thing we can retroactively fix this timeline. Brady didn’t play the season you say? Guess what, Matt Cassel is a dirty cheater too and those 11 wins they stole need to go to their rightful owners. Two wins to the Bills, and a win to the Dolphins, Jets, Chiefs, 49ers, Broncos, Rams, Seahawks, Raiders and Cardinals makes the new situation look like this.


AFC East:

1. Miami Dolphins 12-4

2. New York Jets 10-6

3. Buffalo Bills 9-7

4. New England Patriots 0-16



1. Tennessee Titans 13-3

2. Pittsburgh Steelers 12-4 (Conference Record Tiebreaker)

3. Miami Dolphins 12-4

4. Denver Broncos 9-7 (unseeded)

5. Indianapolis Colts 12-4

6. Baltimore Ravens 11-5


NFC is unchanged, and as such, the Cardinals likely shock the world and pull out the NFC victory as Kurt Warner and Larry Fitzgerald put the league on notice. But what does the AFC change do? Well the Broncos limp into the postseason losing 4 straight, so they likely lose to the Colts, meaning we end up with a Steelers / Colts divisional round game, while the winner will host the Ravens in the conference championship since they dusted the Dolphins and Titans. The Steelers actually lost to the Colts in their regular season game, so we'll have the Ravens and Colts in the AFC Championship. The Colts come out on top in the battle of Baltimore, and face the Cardinals in the super bowl. This time however, the Cardinals come out on top, as Kurt Warner wins his third Super Bowl ring, and puts the Cardinals in the annals of Super Bowl Champions.


New 2008 Super Bowl: Cardinals > Colts 31-26



It’s the last year of the oughts, and the Patriots ought to go 0-16 again. Kind of surprising Belichick still has a job in this timeline, but that’s how it goes when you cheat. They actually did worse than they did in 2008, but didn’t have the Chad Pennington wildcat to compete with to win the AFC East at 10-6. Two wins go to the Bills, and a win each to the Jets, Dolphins, Falcons, Ravens, Titans, Bucs, Panthers and Jaguars change the results thusly.

AFC East:

1. New York Jets 10-6

2. Miami Dolphins 8-8

3. Buffalo Bills 8-8

4. New England Patriots 0-16



1. Indianapolis Colts 14-2

2. San Diego Chargers 13-3

3. New York Jets 10-6 (H2H over CIN) (up from 5)

4. Cincinnati Bengals 10-6 (H2H over BAL)

5. Baltimore Ravens 10-6 (up from 6)

6. Pittsburgh Steelers 9-7 (unseeded) (H2H over TEN)


The NFC is unchanged, and despite the seeding shakeup, I don’t think the results of the AFC changes either. The Steelers and those Rex Ryan Jets might be an interesting matchup in the wild card round, but I don’t have any reason to believe it won’t be a Colts Saints super bowl.


2009 Super Bowl. Unchanged. Saints > Colts 31-17


After 9 years of changes, here are the current results.
Colts +1 Conference Champion (net), +1 SB Win, +1 SB Loss. 1 SB Win removed (from 2-2 to 2-3)
Chargers +2 Conference Champion, +2 SB Loss (from 0-1 to 0-3)

Steelers +1 Conference Champion (net), +2 SB Losses, 1 SB Win Removed (from 6-1 to 5-3)

Patriots -4 Conference Champion, -3 SB Wins, -1 SB Loss (from 3-3 to 0-2)
Rams +1 SB Victory (from 1-2 to 2-1)
Eagles +1 SB Victory (from 0-2 to 1-1)
Bears +1 SB Victory (from 1-1 to 2-0)
Cardinals +1 SB Victory (from 0-1 to 1-0)



A brand new decade of unending misery for Patriots fans in 2010. 14 wins needs to be sent to the other teams of the league, so let’s get dividing. Two wins to the Dolphins and Bills, and a win to the Jets, Bengals, Ravens, Chargers, Vikings, Steelers, Colts, Lions, Bears, Packers makes a stacked field for sure. The Jets actually secure home field advantage with this setup, and that might be just the ticket to push them past the Steelers in the AFC.


AFC East

1. New York Jets 12-4 

2. Miami Dolphins 9-7

3. Buffalo Bills 6-10

4. New England Patriots 0-16



1. New York Jets 12-4 (H2H tiebreaker over PIT) (Up from 6)

2. Pittsburgh Steelers 12-4 (H2H tiebreaker over BAL)

3. Indianapolis Colts 11-5

4. San Diego Chargers 10-6 (Divisional record tiebreaker)

5. Baltimore Ravens 12-4

6. Kansas City Chiefs 10-6 (down from 4)


The NFC is unchanged, and this is very important for the Packers. I have no doubt in my mind that they get Beastquaked by the 7-9 Seahawks if they end up the 5th seed. But by avoiding that fate, they can actually take the NFC for themselves. And while I might tease the Jets being a legit super bowl contender in a world without Patriots, I don’t honestly believe they beat the Steelers in the conference championship even with home field advantage. I think the Ravens would probably have trumped them as well. So I’m sticking to the same result, a Steelers Packers super bowl, with Rodgers coming out on top.

2010 Super Bowl. Unchanged. Packers > Steelers 31-25



After a brief 4 year hiatus, the real life Patriots returned to the Super Bowl, only to lose to Eli Manning and the Giants once again. This marks the 11th year of 0-16 in the correct timeline. A 13-3 squad means 13 wins to give. Two wins for the Jets and Dolphins this time, and a single win for the Bills, Chargers, Raiders, Cowboys, Chiefs, Eagles, Colts, Redskins and Broncos changes the results thus:


AFC East:

1. New York Jets 10-6

2. Miami Dolphins 8-8

3. Buffalo Bills 7-9

4. New England Patriots 0-16



1. Baltimore Ravens 12-4 (up from 2)

2. Houston Texans 10-6 (up from 3)

3. New York Jets 10-6 (unseeded)

4. Denver Broncos 9-7 (tiebreaker on KC and SD)

5. Pittsburgh Steelers 12-4

6. Cincinnati Bengals 9-7


The Patriots really fuck up the NFC East though, forcing a three way tie between the Giants, Cowboys and Eagles at 9-7. With a superior divisional record of 5-1, it’s actually the Philadelphia Eagles who win the NFC East, and the dream team gets a shot at postseason glory. The super bowl champion of this season doesn’t even qualify for the postseason, so now it gets weird.


I don’t think anyone beats the Ravens in the AFC. Tebowmania will die in Baltimore, and neither the Texans nor the Jets have the game to keep up with their defense. The NFC though… well the Eagles take the 4 seed for the Giants, but the rest of the seeding remains unchanged. With that said, I like the Packers odds to repeat in the NFC, after a home date against either the flailing Eagles or Falcons, followed by a conference championship against the Alex Smith 49ers. If it were the Colin Kaepernick 49ers it may be a different story, but we didn’t unlock that mode yet. As for the result… 


New 2011 Super Bowl: Packers > Ravens 24-19

Aaron Rodgers win his second super bowl in a row with Mike McCarthy’s incredibly high output offense. Rodgers wins his second super bowl MVP, while Billy Cundiff faces scrutiny for some really bad extra point misses throughout the game.



Some people think the world ended at the end of 2012 and we’re just living in a simulation now. I won’t deny the possibility. We’re definitely living in some kind of simulation. One where the Patriots lose every game this season. We;ve got 12 games to dump, so let’s do it. Give two wins to the Jets, Dolphins, and Bills, and a single to the Titans, Broncos, Rams, Colts, Texans and Jaguars. 


AFC East:

1. Miami Dolphins 9-7

2. New York Jets 8-8

3. Buffalo Bills 8-8

4. New England Patriots 0-16



1. Denver Broncos 14-2

2. Houston Texans 13-3 (up from 3)

3. Baltimore Ravens 10-6 (Divisional Record over Cin) (up from 4)

4. Miami Dolphins 9-7 (unseeded)

5. Indianapolis Colts 12-4

6. Cincinnati Bengals 10-6


Look, nothing is stopping Ray Lewis from hatefucking the AFC and Joe Flacco being an elite QB. The NFC is unchanged, so we can assume the 49ers finally break through thanks to Colin Kaepernick. Peyton Manning gets a revenge game in the playoff against the Colts, so naturally we can assume the conference championship is a Ravens / Colts showdown where the Colts get clowned on.


2012 Super Bowl Unchanged, Ravens > 49ers, 34-31



Ugh, 2013. I hate this season almost as much as 2012. But those are personal reasons, and there’s no reason to hate a season in which the Patriots go 0-16 again. How many losses in a row is this? 208. That’s almost as many as the Orioles lose in a baseball season. Anyway, they went 12-4* this year, so let’s fix that. Give the Bills two wins, and the Jets, Dolphins, Bucs, Falcons, Saints, Steelers, Broncos, Texans, Browns and Ravens another win and let’s see what happens.


AFC East

1. New York Jets 9-7 (Divisional Record tiebreaker)

2. Miami Dolphins 9-7

3. Buffalo Bills 8-8

4. New England Patriots 0-16



1. Denver Broncos 14-2

2. Cincinnati Bengals 11-5 (H2H tiebreaker) (up from 2)

3. Indianapolis Colts 11-5 (up from 3)

4. New York Jets 9-7 (unseeded)

5. Kansas City Chiefs 11-5

6. Miami Dolphins 9-7 (Conference Record > PIT and SD) (unseeded)


1. Seattle Seahawks 13-3

2. Carolina Panthers 12-4

3. Philadelphia Eagles 10-6

4. Green Bay Packers 8-7-1

5. New Orleans Saints 12-4 (H2H tiebreaker > SF) (up from 6)

6. San Francisco 49ers 12-4 (down from 5)


Despite the somewhat drastic changes brought about by the Patriots recusal of the season, I don’t think the result would change all that much. The order of results might change, but Denver has no competition in the AFC, and the NFC is a dogfight that will likely end with the legion of boom crushing the Saints in the championship game after tossing out the 49ers in the divisional round.


2013 Super Bowl unchanged. Seahawks > Broncos 43-8

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Well the Patriots wanted to go to the super bowl again… NO. Denied. Blocked. 0-16 for you. Odell Beckham was the oroty, Aaron Donald was the defensive rookie of the year, the New England Patriots… went 0-16. Let’s put a couple of wins up for the Jets, and one for the Dolphins, Bills, Vikings, Raiders, Bengals, Bears, Broncos, Colts, Lions, and Chargers.

AFC East

1. Buffalo Bills 10-6

2. Miami Dolphins 9-7

3. New York Jets 6-10

4. New England Patriots 0-16



1. Denver Broncos 13-3 (up from 2)

2. Indianapolis Colts 12-4 (up from 3)

3. Cincinnati Bengals 11-4-1 (up from 6)

4. Buffalo Bills 10-6 (unseeded)

5. Pittsburgh Steelers 11-5 (down from 4)

6. San Diego Chargers 10-6 (H2H > Ravens) (unseeded)


The NFC has the wildcards flipflop, but Detroit still can’t beat Green Bay for the division title. The Seahawks still storm out of the NFC, they just handle the Lions in the divisional round instead, before horseshoe magicing the Packers out in the conference championship. In the AFC, the team of note may actually be the Andrew Luck Colts. John Fox was booking his ticket out of Denver by the time the playoffs started, so they’ve got no fire to play well. The Chargers will dispose of the Bengals, and the Steelers will handle the Bills in the wild card. Then I think the Colts win out of that four pack. Ryan Grigson hasn’t completely self destructed the team around Luck just yet, and they can win a conference championship against an upstart Charger team with not a lot to offer. However, the super bowl is clearly in the Seahawks favour, and in the battle of 2012 QBs, Wilson comes out on top.

New 2014 Super Bowl Seahawks > Colts 40-17



None of you are free from original sin. None of you are free from The New England Patriots going 0-16, despite Gronk, despite turdstown Tom. 0-16 is the life for all Bahstonians. Let’s go ahead and distribute those 12 wins. 2 for the Bills, and 1 for the Jets, Dolphins, Steelers, Jaguars, Colts, Cowboys, Redskins, Giants, Texans and Titans. That means Ryan Fitzpatrick finally gets a playoff appearance!

AFC East:

1. New York Jets 11-5

2. Buffalo Bills 10-6

3. Miami Dolphins 7-9

4. New England Patriots 0-16


1. Denver Broncos 12-4 (H2H over Cincy)

2. Cincinnati Bengals 12-4 (up from 3)

3. New York Jets 11-5 (unseeded)

4. Houston Texans 10-6

5. Kansas City Chiefs 11-5 (H2H over Pit)

6. Pittsburgh Steelers 11-5


NFC is Unchanged. So therefore I think the Panthers still walk right on through the AFC without blinking. I’m not trusting Ryan Fitzpatrick in a postseason game, and we saw the Chiefs dismantle this Texans team in reality, so both wildcards win in the AFC. We saw Denver beat Pittsburgh in the AFC championship, so they move on. Now the divisional round match between the Chiefs and Bengals is interesting, because with that bye week, maybe Andy Dalton is healthy. And if Dalton is healthy…. Who am I kidding, it’s the Marv Lewis Bengals. Chiefs win and face the Broncos in the championship. However the Andy Reid school of clock management fails them, and the Broncos go to Super Bowl 50 to face the Panthers. We’ve seen this story before.


2015 Super Bowl. Unchanged. Broncos > Panthers 24-10



Falcons fans rejoice. 28-3 never happens in this timeline. We don’t have to witness three straight years of Patriots super bowls because the Patriots are 0-16. They had a pretty good season, so let’s give away those 14 wins they stole from better teams. But wait, you say. Tom Brady was already suspended 4 games for Deflate Gate, surely you don’t need to remove those- TOO FUCKING BAD CHUM. Maybe you should stop taping team’s signals. We’re giving two wins to the Jets and Dolphins, and a single to the Bills, Cardinals, Texans, Browns, Bengals, Steelers, 49ers, Rams, Ravens and Broncos. Let’s take a look at a new AFC, featuring a 12-4 Miami Dolphins? Wild.


AFC East:

1. Miami Dolphins 12-4

2. Buffalo Bills 8-8

3. New York Jets 6-10

4. New England Patriots 0-16


AFC (oh god tiebreaker hell):

1. Pittsburgh Steelers 12-4 (Conference Record > MIA + KC) (Up from 3)

2. Miami Dolphins 12-4 (Common Games > KC) (up from 6)

3. Kansas City Chiefs 12-4 (H2H > Oakland) (down from 2)

4. Houston Texans 10-6

5. Oakland Raiders 12-4

6. Denver Broncos 10-6 (unseeded)


The NFC is unchanged, which means there’s no reason not to expect a thirsty Falcons team from winning the NFC. The real question is what a Trevor Siemian led Broncos team does in the postseason this time around? Probably lose to the Chiefs for a third time this season. Texans will beat the Raiders without Derek Carr, and we’ve got all front runners for the Divisional round. Steelers took care of both the Dolphins and Chiefs on the way to the conference championship last time around, I expect things to be the same here. Brock Osweiler and a gritty Texans D doesn’t really scare me. Anyway the super bowl comes around, and this time the Falcons don’t blow a 28-3 lead. They blow a much more modest 13-3 one instead. Le’Veon Bell wins MVP after rushing for 140, receiving for 90, and scoring 2 touchdowns. 


New 2016 Super Bowl. Steelers > Falcons 24-20 



So free home field advantage season after season is kind of bullshit, right? Good thing that doesn’t happen this time around. Patriots get fucked by the long dick of the law and go… you guessed it, 0-16. They’ve got 13 games to change this time around, so let’s do it. Got to give two to the Bills and Jets, and one to the Dolphins, Saints, Texans, Bucs, Falcons, Chargers, Broncos, Raiders and Steelers. However, the Patriots aren’t alone at the bottom this year, as the Browns still go 0-16. The Bills don’t need a miracle to make the playoffs this time around, and actually make the second seed after tiebreakers.


AFC East:

1. Buffalo Bills 11-5

2. Miami Dolphins 7-9

3. New York Jets 7-9

4. New England Patriots 0-16



1. Pittsburgh Steelers 14-2 (up from 2)

2. Buffalo Bills 11-5 (up from 6)

3. Jacksonville Jaguars 10-6 (Conference record)

4. Kansas City Chiefs 10-6 (H2H tiebreaker)

5. San Diego Chargers 10-6 (unseeded)

6. Tennessee Titans 9-7 (down from 5)


In the NFC, the wildcard spots switch around, so the Falcons are the 5 seed, and the Panthers are the 6 seed. The Saints also supplant the Rams as the 3 seed, so the wild card matches don’t actually change. So we can expect the Falcons to beat the Rams again, and the Saints to edge out the Panthers in a tough fought game. And since highest seed plays the lowest seed, the NFC doesn’t actually change despite 4 teams swapping seeds. The Minnesota Miracle still happens, Nick Foles still happens, and the Eagles wind up representing the NFC.


The AFC is a different can of worms, because a Blake Bortles miracle never happens. The Titans are the Jags kryptonite, and Marcus Mariota wins a playoff game over his division rival Jags. The Chiefs edge out the Chargers, and face the Bills in the divisional round. In a battle of hyper conservative QBs, it’s the Bills who edge out the Chiefs and go to the conference championship to face the Steelers. Because the Titans run out of gas to the Steeler offensive, and the Bills are immediately tributed to the same cause. Which means we get a rematch of the battle for Pennsylvania in the Super Bowl 13 years later. This time the Steelers don’t underestimate the QB in green, get a bunch of key sacks to limit the high flying Eagles offense, and Le’Veon Bell wins his second straight Super Bowl MVP, rushing for 200 yards, and getting a modest 40 receiving yards with three touchdowns on the night.


2017 New Super Bowl. Steelers > Eagles 38-28 



Good news, we can wipe an awful super bowl out of the history books. The Patriots won’t be here to suck all the fun out of football for one last time. The losing streak is at a modest 288 games now, as the future looks bright and hopeful for a Steelers team who looks to three-peat. Two time Super Bowl MVP Le’Veon Bell still holds out, and the Steelers still don’t pay him. We’ve got 11 wins to fix, let’s see what happens. We need to give a pair of wins to the Jets and Bills, as well as one to the Texans, Dolphins, Colts, Chiefs, Bears, Packers and Vikings.


AFC East:

1. Miami Dolphins 8-8 (Divisional Record > BUF)

2. Buffalo Bills 8-8

3. New York Jets 6-10

4. New England Patriots 0-16



1. Kansas City Chiefs 13-3

2. Houston Texans 12-4 (up from 3)

3. Baltimore Ravens 10-6

4. Miami Dolphins 8-8 (unseeded)

5. Los Angeles Chargers 12-4

6. Indianapolis Colts 10-6


NFC: The Vikings take the 6th seed from the Eagles with their victory over New England, meaning we don’t get to see Nick Foles in the playoffs this time around. With the Bears forcing a three way tie at 13-3, the Rams drop to the 3rd seed by virtue of losses to both Chicago and New Orleans, and have to play an extra playoff game. The Saints drop to the two seed, as the Bears have a superior conference record, that makes the scenario shake out like this.


1. Chicago Bears 13-3

2. New Orleans Saints 13-3

3. Los Angeles Rams 13-3

4. Dallas Cowboys 10-6

5. Seattle Seahawks 10-6

6. Minnesota Vikings 9-6-1


The Vikings limp into the postseason, and easily get handle by the McVay Rams, and we saw the result of the Seattle Dallas match fall in Dallas’ favour. In the Saints vs. Rams redux, we once again see the Saints get screwed by an awful call, and fall to the Rams in a disgustingly close game. The Bears don’t eat shit against the Cowboys, and earn a home game with the Rams. Khalil Mack and Aaron Donald have themselves a grand ol time, but eventually the Bears end up on top, and win the NFC. 

The AFC is also fun and new with the Patriots evicted from the process. The Chargers easily sweep up the Dolphins, and the Colts surpass the Ravens in a gritty defensive showdown ended by a costly Lamar Jackson fumble. The Chargers keep the heat on and take out the Texans on the road as well, punching a ticket for the AFC Championship game. Patrick Mahomes shows the world he’s the real deal against the Colts, and we get an all AFC West conference championship. This is the year Andy Reid finally breaks through to the Super Bowl in the AFC, putting up 40 points and needing nearly every single one of them in a tight 40-38 victory over the other LA team. So we avoid the battle of Los Angeles, but instead get the battle of the midwest, as offense faces defense, Mahomes vs. the Monsters of the Midway, Trubisky vs the guy Chicago should have drafted instead. Matt Nagy against his former team... lots of storylines come to a head in this alternate future and the result...


New 2018 Super Bowl Chiefs > Bears 31-14

Mahomes cannot be stopped by normal means this season, and wins a Super Bowl MVP to go with his regular season MVP. All hail the Mahomes show.


(as of week 15)



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Super bowl changes after 18 years of bullshit.

Steelers +3 Conference Champion (net), +1 SB Win (net), +2 SB Losses (from 6-2 to 7-4)
Colts +2 Conference Champion (net), +0 SB Win (net), +2 SB Losses. (from 2-2 to 2-4)
Chargers +2 Conference Champion, +2 SB Losses (from 0-1 to 0-3)
Ravens +1 Conference Champion, +1 SB Loss (2-0 to 2-1)
Chiefs +1 Conference Champion, +1 SB Win (1-1 to 2-1)
Patriots -9 Conference Champion, -6 SB Wins, -3 SB Loss (from 6-5 to 0-2)

Bears +1 Conference Champion, +1 SB Win, -0 SB Loss (net) (from 1-1 to 2-1)
Packers +1 Conference Champion, +1 SB Win (from 4-1 to 5-1)
Cardinals +1 SB Win, -1 SB Loss (from 0-1 to 1-0)
Seahawks +1 SB Win, -1 SB Loss (from 1-2 to 2-1)
Eagles +0 SB Win (net), +0 SB Loss (net) (1-2)
Rams -1 Conference Champion, +1 SB Win, -2 SB Loss (from 1-3 to 2-1)
Giants -1 Conference Champion, -1 SB Win (from 4-1 to 3-1)

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Jags always beat the Steelers in the playoffs, so that 05 Steelers SB win should be unpossible.  Unless you had that Jags losing to the Dolphins in the postseason, in which case that is super unfortunate.

I also like that even with the Pats out of the way the Jags still don't make the Super Bowl.  Stupid Titans always ruining things.

Seems like the biggest winner with the removal of the Pats is the NFC itself.

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4 hours ago, Vin said:

Jags always beat the Steelers in the playoffs, so that 05 Steelers SB win should be unpossible.  Unless you had that Jags losing to the Dolphins in the postseason, in which case that is super unfortunate.

I also like that even with the Pats out of the way the Jags still don't make the Super Bowl.  Stupid Titans always ruining things.

Seems like the biggest winner with the removal of the Pats is the NFC itself.

Colts took out the Jags. Steelers beat the Bengals, went on the road to handle Denver, and then beat the Colts on the road again.

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