Some Chicks Dating Profile

[seanbrock 1,684]

 

My self-summary

If you're looking for someone to mother you...well, you can suck right on these nuts, cause I'm really not having it.

 

I am still, kneading it, and letting it rise

 

Three of my major influences are Stimpy, Meatwad, and Bart Simpson.

What I’m doing with my life

I am succeeding in every aspect of my life. I'm the most upstanding citizen.

I’m really good at

I've got resources and solutions and I'm not afraid to use them. I will cook you dinner, fix your computer, program your remote control, sew that hole in your pants, buy you the right present and show you how to get a mofoin job, health insurance, or go back to school. I AM the motherfucking new york county court clerk's office, bitches. I will call 311, 411, AND the cops in the same day if necessary.

The first things people usually notice about me

Magnetism, big blue eyes, the top of my head.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

I love all food (literature, science, history, culture, recipes, etc). You must also love food. If I cook, you do the dishes.

 

Felix Mendelssohn, Frederic Chopin, Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, The Books, Bonobo, Blind Melon, They Might Be Giants, Mountain Goats, Robert Johnson, Slightly Stoopid, Rilo Kiley, Tool, Radiohead, Velvet Underground, Ingrid Michaelson, Beck, Tom Waits, Ludacris, Sublime, Beyonce, Daniel Johnston, John Lennon (plastic ono band), Salt n Pepa, David Byrne, Primus, Kate Nash, Mason Jennings, NIN, System of a Down, The Slackers, Buddy Guy, Regina Spektor, Girl Talk, Battles, Penguin Cafe Orchestra, Moondog, Julia Nunes, Mountain Goats, Low, Microphones, The Blow, etc. Rebirth Brass Band

The six things I could never do without

Some means of regulating my pubes.

Internet access.

Contraceptives.

A family.

Hands and feet.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

I have a lot of dreams about natural disasters and chemistry.

On a typical Friday night I am

Sometimes when it's warm out, I walk to the end of the pier on the Hudson with a pint of Jim Beam and blast mixes, watching the boats go by and singing to myself. Otherwise making time for so many disjointed groups of friends. Thank god some of them get along. I am not a camp counselor, and we are not on a field trip. You can pay for a taxi with a credit card now. I have no sympathy for you.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

If you plan on being with someone forever, it's important to love their teeth.

I’m looking for

• Everybody
• Ages 22–38
• Located anywhere
• For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex

You should message me if

You are employed, you do not smell bad, you cry once in awhile, you have at least graduated college (if you're about to graduate, you can forget it), you do some sort of creative thing, you don't necessarily love New York City, you're not depressed, you'refinancially responsible you don't have a big belly, you're not bald,your wang isn't comically small, you have a car, you've never been in rehab, you've never blacked out from drinking, you don't smoke more than 5 cigarettes a day, you don't smoke weed every day, you've bought flowers for someone before, you brush your teeth at least once a day, you don't have a mustache, you don't have a religious family that won't like me because i'm not religious, you have spoken to your parents in the past 2 weeks and it went well, preferably you speak to your parents at least every 2 weeks, unless they're dead, in which case, you wish you could.

 

I need to be with a man who is in touch with his child self, but not a child who doesn't know how to be a man.

 

Also, you need to be sexually evolved. If I need to explain to you what that means, it's probably not gonna work out.

 

You can hit me up. if you like what you read, if not, fuck you and the ball sack that held your wack ass for X amount of time.

Am I the only one who finds this hilarious? This girl seems like she'd be cool if she wasn't a total cunt. Judging by her profile, I think she's going to be waiting for a lonnnnng time for a man that doesn't want to just fuck her and be out haha.

Edited August 25, 2014 by seanbrock

[Bucman 891]

Need pics or thread is useless.

[Sparty 110]

Need pics or thread is useless.

 

Click on the blue links. It's real.

[CampinWithaMissingPerson 2,025]

This is her pic it seems:

 

 

So she's obvious a zombie. Her profile says "Curvy" which we all know means fat. She's in sales but won't mention her income and can speak Turkish so she obviously works at a jewelry kiosk. She seems like she's dated a lot of bummy dudes who lived off her too given some of her comments about not being your mom and that she's not a camp counselor. She seems very, very, very loud.

 

So yeah...

 

 

 

 

I'd definitely wife.

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

Fake profile. inb4 Trident cries.