Need some help

[AllYouNeedIsLovie 377]

I am doing a project for sociology on effects divorced parents have on children. If any of you guys have/had divorced parents, I would really appreciate if you answered the following questions and either posted them here, or send them to me in a PM.

 

1. Do both your parents spend a quality amount of time with you? Does one spend more time with you than the other.

2. How does thinking about the divorce make you feel?

3. Have your feelings about the divorce changed from when you were younger and the divorce first happened?

4. How is life different at home now than it was before?

5. How do your parents get along now that they are divorced? Does if affect you?

6. How has your parents relationship changed your thoughts and opinions on relationships/marriage?

7. Has the divorce of your parents made it harder to trust others, including your parents?

8. Have you seen a change in your parents attitude since the divorce happened?

9. Does living with only one parent make you feel more pressured and feel like you have to do more for the family?

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

My parents divorced when I was five and I don't remember a ton about their married life so my answers would kind of blow. Still want them?

[AllYouNeedIsLovie 377]

Yea, that's fine. Thanks man.

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

Cool. I'm heading to bed now so I'll write it up tonight when I get off.

[AllYouNeedIsLovie 377]

Thanks man, I appreciate it.

[JetsFan4Life 542]

My parents were never officially divorced but "seperated" for the past 6 years, but are now together again over the past couple weeks. Want me to do it anyways?

[Phins4life 271]

My parents divorced when I was 15, so these are basically going to be past tense:

 

1. Do both your parents spend a quality amount of time with you? Does one spend more time with you than the other.

-My father and I were pretty close since he was the one I chose to stay with. I didn't get the same time with my mother after the separation since she moved across the state with my sister.

 

2. How does thinking about the divorce make you feel?

-There were a combination of negative emotions ranging from feeling responsible in some way to anger at them for allowing it to happen. There was a lot of unwanted pressure to pick a favorite. To this day I still resent it to an extent, because I spent my entire time in high school walking on eggshells to please my parents over stupid things rather than just enjoying the best years of my teens like other kids got to do.

 

3. Have your feelings about the divorce changed from when you were younger and the divorce first happened?

-Yes and no. At the time, I held a pretty conservative religious ideology on marriage. As I matured and my adherence to a religious belief declined, I can look back and acknowledge that if it wasn't working, they needed to get out of it. People have one life to find happiness. The longer you go resenting the person you're with, the more you will emotionally scar each other and the children if you have any. But the factors that led to the decline of that 16 year marriage and the way they handled it as adults still anger me. I'll leave it at that.

 

4. How is life different at home now than it was before?

-It was obviously lonelier. I rarely saw my sister and mother after the split. My father and I got into loads of fights regarding my loyalty to one parent versus another, so I spent a lot of time trying to please everyone so I could have some peace and quiet about it. Even today it's a touchy thing.

 

5. How do your parents get along now that they are divorced? Does if affect you?

-They are incredibly childish about it, which shames me, because they raised my better than that, but couldn't care less how they themselves behave. My sister is still young and impressionable, which is probably my greatest concern. I don't want that kind of immaturity rubbing off on her.

 

6. How has your parents relationship changed your thoughts and opinions on relationships/marriage?

-I still held most of my conservative views long after (as recently as a year ago), but I think I spent more time fighting with those views than I did being in agreement with them. I still appreciate relationships for their social and cultural value. I still love my wife and would do anything for her. But do I believe that getting divorced if you aren't happy is wrong? No. Do I believe my world would crumble if my wife and I divorced? No. I've become a little more numb to traditional views on marriage and relationships as a whole.

 

7. Has the divorce of your parents made it harder to trust others, including your parents?

-Somewhat. Although I do try my hardest to maintain a philosophy that my trust is reasonably easy to gain, reasonably difficult to lose, and extremely tough to get back. I refuse to be a fool me twice kind of guy. It definitely toughens the skin a little.

 

8. Have you seen a change in your parents attitude since the divorce happened?

-Very much so. They barely speak to each other or even look at each other, 9 years later. It baffles me. I can't remember them having a civil conversation that contained an exchange of more than 10 words. But I haven't been home in 3 years. Maybe they've matured a bit.

 

9. Does living with only one parent make you feel more pressured and feel like you have to do more for the family?

-It did. As mentioned before, my biggest pressure was on trying to maintain a loyalty to both parents without ruining my home life with my father.

[RazorStar 4,025]

My parents were never married when they had me, and they split up when I was like two, so keep that in mind.

 

1. Do both your parents spend a quality amount of time with you? Does one spend more time with you than the other.

 

I had split custody with my parents, with my mother getting slightly more days a year than my dad. I think the amount of time with both sides was fair.

 

2. How does thinking about the divorce make you feel?

 

I don't think much of it, for me it was a natural occurence, it's not like a person who suddenly becomes blind and has to deal with it, it's more like I was blind from birth.

 

3. Have your feelings about the divorce changed from when you were younger and the divorce first happened?

 

Not really, but I might have a greater understanding of why it happened. When two people just can't stand each other, separation is by far the best option.

 

4. How is life different at home now than it was before?

 

Can't really answer this one, sorry.

 

5. How do your parents get along now that they are divorced? Does if affect you?

 

They don't. They may act nice in public, but behind closed doors they'll throw daggers at each other.

 

6. How has your parents relationship changed your thoughts and opinions on relationships/marriage?

 

I would say that marriage seems less iron clad than religions and peers make it sound. It seems such a flimsy committment now, compared to what it's built up to be. All marriage really is, is a tax benefit.

 

7. Has the divorce of your parents made it harder to trust others, including your parents?

 

Yes, but that makes sense. Why would you trust anyone easily, in what world would you trust someone you barely know. You need time and effort to build that up, otherwise you're gonna get your identity stolen, lose money, and waste your life running through hoops other untrustworthy people have put you through.

 

8. Have you seen a change in your parents attitude since the divorce happened?

 

They're a lot more easy going, as long as they don't need to deal with each other.

 

9. Does living with only one parent make you feel more pressured and feel like you have to do more for the family?

 

No, but I do anyway because it feels right. Each according to his own ability and what not.

[AllYouNeedIsLovie 377]

My parents were never officially divorced but "seperated" for the past 6 years, but are now together again over the past couple weeks. Want me to do it anyways?

 

Yea, that's fine. Appreciate it man.

 

And thanks Phins and Razor.

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

1. Do both your parents spend a quality amount of time with you? Does one spend more time with you than the other.

 

My dad definitely spent a lot more quality time with me over the course of my life and that is a trend that continues today. My mother, the parent that got custody in the divorce, made efforts at times, but nowhere near as much as my dad. My dad took us fishing, camping, out to eat, all of that kind of stuff. My mom kind of just...left us to our own devices or dragged us to things we never wanted to go to in the first place. Now that I'm on my own I spend a lot of time with my dad (we both contact one another) and rarely see my mother (she will try and see me once in a while, but it's mostly up to me).

 

2. How does thinking about the divorce make you feel?

 

Sad, I suppose. I guess my mom changed and started acting just like her mother (who she had previously despised) and my parents started fighting all of the time. They divorced when I was five and my brother was two and, though they may have needed to be separated, our quality of living suffered a lot and my father got the extremely short end of the stick in the divorce proceedings, which irks me. When I think of what could have been had my mom not gone insane and they had stayed together...it's kind of depressing.

 

3. Have your feelings about the divorce changed from when you were younger and the divorce first happened?

 

I was too young to understand anything when it first happened and now that I do understand and I'm a lot older, I feel less...crushed like I did when I was five.

 

4. How is life different at home now than it was before?

 

My dad continued to cook us dinner and take us out to do activities and such together, but my mom never did. We lived with her for most of the time, so that was pretty different.

 

5. How do your parents get along now that they are divorced? Does if affect you?

 

They can be civil at times, mostly when they're in a joint attack against my brother or I. For the most part, though, they dislike eachother and they almost never speak.

 

6. How has your parents relationship changed your thoughts and opinions on relationships/marriage?

 

I grew up with divorced parents so my thoughts were shaped rather than changed. I see marriage as less of a "'til death do us part," BINDING contract and more of a "we love eachother, let's hope this sticks" ordeal. Because of the nature of their divorce, though, I do understand that there are some circumstances where marriage is necessary. My parents were married for twelve years before everything went bad, so it's not as if they rushed into it or anything.

 

7. Has the divorce of your parents made it harder to trust others, including your parents?

 

No, not really. I mean, I distrust most people until I get to know them. I guess I always distrusted any woman my dad was with after my mom initially, but that's because she wasn't my mother and I was five.

 

8. Have you seen a change in your parents attitude since the divorce happened?

 

They're both happier now that they're not arguing every night. My dad went through a lot of depression and anger because of the financial situation that the divorce put him in and my mother went through much of the same, but because she was lonely.

 

9. Does living with only one parent make you feel more pressured and feel like you have to do more for the family?

 

Living with my mom I never felt inclined to help her because she never really helped us. She has always been self-serving and it made me grow to resent her and want to do nothing for her. Now that I don't live with either of my parents I feel like I need to (which is not to say that I don't want to) do a lot for my dad to repay him for all that he did for us growing up, despite the fact that he was basically giving all of his money to my mother.

[JetsFan4Life 542]

1. Do both your parents spend a quality amount of time with you? Does one spend more time with you than the other.

 

I'm not sure either really spent quality time with me. I lived with my mom during the separation but we didn't communicate very well all the time and she would leave me alone a lot with my brothers. I would see my dad maybe once a week if that but would only actually spend time with him maybe once every month or so.

 

2. How does thinking about the divorce make you feel?

It doesn't really affect me. I actually liked them separated better because growing up all I would hear was constant arguing between the two. The separation was actually a good thing in my eyes.

 

3. Have your feelings about the divorce changed from when you were younger and the divorce first happened?

 

No I'd say it's been pretty much the same.

 

4. How is life different at home now than it was before?

 

It's a little weird because I had to be more of a father figure to my brothers since my dad wasn't really around that much. I think it caused more arguments between me and my mom because she seems to just enjoy arguing and having someone to butt heads with.

 

5. How do your parents get along now that they are divorced? Does if affect you?

 

They got along better separated than when they were married in my eyes. I think that mostly had to do with the fact that they saw each other less.

 

6. How has your parents relationship changed your thoughts and opinions on relationships/marriage?

 

It hasn't really changed it because I feel that many marriages end this way because they want to disagree too much. I still feel good about what I do with my own personal relationships.

 

7. Has the divorce of your parents made it harder to trust others, including your parents?

 

It has a little bit because I've seen how things can end and also at times I had been told by each parent to lie for them to the other so it has caused me not to be able to completely trust either of them.

 

8. Have you seen a change in your parents attitude since the divorce happened?

 

My mom has stayed the same, but my dad seems to be happier.

 

9. Does living with only one parent make you feel more pressured and feel like you have to do more for the family?

 

Yes it does, only for the fact that I have two younger brothers who look up to me more than if my father was here.

[blotsfan 2,112]

I don't know how good my answers will be since it only happened about 6 months ago, but I figure it cant hurt.

 

 

1. Do both your parents spend a quality amount of time with you? Does one spend more time with you than the other.

I'd say bpth make an effort to, but I'm a college student so I wouldn't be spending a ton of time with my parents anyways. I spend a bit more time with my mom but my dad still lives really close by so its not like he's out of my life.

 

2. How does thinking about the divorce make you feel?

Not really upset about it. I had figured they were waiting for me to go away to school for years.

 

3. Have your feelings about the divorce changed from when you were younger and the divorce first happened?

No, but again its only been 6 months.

 

4. How is life different at home now than it was before?

I have a lot more time home alone, but I don't think thats really a bad thing haha.

 

5. How do your parents get along now that they are divorced? Does if affect you?

They're still friends. They go out to dinner and stuff like that occasionally too. They said their main thing about it was that it didn't want to really make things bad for me or my brother.

 

6. How has your parents relationship changed your thoughts and opinions on relationships/marriage?

Not really. Marriage is a serious commitment that sometimes doesn't last.

 

7. Has the divorce of your parents made it harder to trust others, including your parents?

No. They were open and honest.

 

8. Have you seen a change in your parents attitude since the divorce happened?

My mom has travelled more, but that could be more because she has less responsibilities. My dad has been basically the same.

 

9. Does living with only one parent make you feel more pressured and feel like you have to do more for the family?

I do try to make plans to ave dinner with my dad and stuff, but other than that not really.

[Shotgun 442]

All past tense.

 

1. Do both your parents spend a quality amount of time with you? Does one spend more time with you than the other.

 

My parents were a bit on and off again throughout my child hood. When my mother would leave my dad I never seen him. He was an alcoholic and did drugs often. This could last for months and the longest was a little over 2 years when my mom actually filed for the divorce. They split permanently when I was 18.

 

 

2. How does thinking about the divorce make you feel?

 

I think them splitting made me pretty depressed as a kid. I never blamed myself like a lot of kids do but I certainly hated my father for doing things to split them which probably aided in my depression.

 

3. Have your feelings about the divorce changed from when you were younger and the divorce first happened?

 

Yeah it no longer bothers me. I'm glad for my moms sake that she left him when she did and personally feel bad she ever got back with him the time before because she really just did it for me and my sisters.

 

4. How is life different at home now than it was before?

 

Without my dad there things were a lot calmer. No arguments or ruined holidays due to his drunken states but financially things were of course a lot harder.

 

5. How do your parents get along now that they are divorced? Does if affect you?

 

They don't talk at all. It doesn't bother me at all, it's for the best.

 

6. How has your parents relationship changed your thoughts and opinions on relationships/marriage?

 

It's made me a better man all around and I use the experiences as a guideline to how I should not be. Although it's made me pretty anti-marriage in the sense that I don't honestly see the point in it. Marriage doesn't make me love someone anymore than I already do. What I feel it does do is trap people in relationships they otherwise wouldn't be in. Divorce rates are ridiculously high and there's a lot of people who still stayed married not because it's what they truly want but they feel bound by that person in some way and the divorces are so costly and troublesome. Personally I'm married but it's only because my wife is religious and didn't feel right living with me unwed.

 

Maybe I'm just bitter but marriage just seems overall illogical to me.

 

 

7. Has the divorce of your parents made it harder to trust others, including your parents?

 

I don't think so. I do find it hard to trust people but only because there's too many bad people in the world so I pretty much don't trust anyone until I get to know them. I trust my parents because they really are good people, my dad is also he just always stuck with the wrong crowds since he was very young and all the alcohol and drugs kind of fried his brain. I know him enough to know he has a rather large caring heart, even if he didn't know how to treat my mom right he's an honest hardworking person in the end. So no the divorce has nothing to do with trusting anyone for my personal experience.

 

8. Have you seen a change in your parents attitude since the divorce happened?

 

My mom is happier and is finally dating someone else. To my knowledge she has only been with my dad since she was 15 so that's a pretty big step.

 

The split wasn't something my dad wanted so he is obviously depressed which just leads to him drinking more sometimes. Hopefully for his sake he can move on but he's been with her from a young age so it's the only love he knows.

 

9. Does living with only one parent make you feel more pressured and feel like you have to do more for the family?

 

No I never felt pressured in anyway. I was a kid and rightfully acted like one. When I was older I was a little self-absorbed and didn't really do much for my family. I never felt like I needed to.

[AllYouNeedIsLovie 377]

Thanks guys, appreciate all the answers. This is definately enough for my project.