How Would You Handle This Situation?

[BwareDWare94 723]

So here's an interesting discussion we can have, with basketball. My kid brother--he's 16--plays on about a .500 team. He isn't a starter, but out of 32 minutes in a HS game of four quarters, he usually gets a good 12-18 (18's the max, and it's usually more like 10-15 minutes). The issue me, my sister, and my folks have, and we're supported by pretty much the entire community that attends the games, is how little time he gets compared to certain other players who are worse players. My brother isn't a stud player yet, or anything, but he's a great defender (shot blocking and maintaining decent position) and rebounder (He's about 5'11, and he makes kids in the same district who are 6'2+ disappear in the post) and he's the only player on the team who has anything that even resembles a post game, and he's developing more offensively all the time. The kids who play ahead of him, two in particular, are really really fucking stupid--we're talking guys who constantly turn the ball over with bad passes, dumb offensive fouls, etc. They don't play good defense, and they aren't consistent offensive threats. One is the coach's pet, and nobody in the community understands why he plays so much, let alone starts.

Here's the kicker--my brother's as tall as anyone on the team (they are really really small), he's at athletic as hell, but also built like a bull. He's significantly tougher than the rest of his teammates, but the coach constantly matches him up with guards. My brother will take the guards out of the game, too, but while he's out there on the perimeter his teammates just get killed in the post. It makes absolutely no sense, whatsoever.

Anyway, and let me restate that my brother is a good solid, player, but not the be all end all or anything. I would acknowledge if he wasn't a good player. I'm not some rose-colored glasses older sibling who lives through his little brother, but I've gotten more and more irritated as the season has worn on with how the coach treats my brother. He's constantly yelling at him from the sideline, and if one mistake is made my brother's back on the bench, while the two kids who play ahead of him can turn the ball over twice, take 3 bad shots, and try to bowl people over and get called for a charge before the coach even considers sitting them. It's a double standard that makes no sense, because the team isn't good, so why are other players who are fucking terrible playing ahead of my brother? It's a question that's constantly asked of me, often by other people within the community. What's the coach's problem with your brother?

And we've asked the assistant coaches. My brother doesn't screw off in practice, talk down to his teammates, lip off to any of the coaches, or anything. It just seems that the head coach has some issue with him that only the head coach himself knows about. My brother is confused and has no idea what he's doing wrong. He'll text me after his games just upset about the way the coach treats him. I don't know what do to. Speaking up is likely just going to make it worse for him.

This isn't just general fan complaints, either. I'm good friends with a former assistant coach who quit after last season because he couldn't deal with the head coach's bullshit. We sit in the stands and just marvel at the dumb decisions and the way he favors one shitty player, in particular. And then there's the way he treats some of the kids. That's why my friend quit. He couldn't deal with the way the HC treated certain kids.

What would you do, in my situation? Do you try to respectfully speak with the coach and get some answers? Do you call him out? Do you accept it for what it is, knowing you can't do anything?

Anyway, I've been to my brother's tournament games the past two nights, and it's just kicking my ass to the point that I can't even sleep. He's being treated like shit and doesn't deserve it, and I want to do something to try to help him.

If any of you have been in similar situations and did something that works, please offer some advice.

Edited February 16, 2014 by BwareDWare94

[RazorStar 4,025]

If your brother really feels like he's being mistreated he should speak up. Certain coaches find themselves more impressed with the player who shows bravado over the player who just grinds it out without saying anything. If he gets less time because of it, then as his family you step up and let it be known that's theres a problem. If he's not having any fun with the sport anymore because of this coach, leaving is always an option.

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

Like Razor said, your brother's probably going to have to say something to the coach. If the coach is as shitty as you say he is, he'll likely rattle off a bunch of shit that he "needs to work on" while ignoring the shortcomings of those ahead of your brother. At that point there's not much you can do outside of getting more people on your side willing to talk to the school's athletic director (your former-assistant friend, for instance).

 

It's a shitty situation, one that we dealt with here when I was growing up for various reasons such as kids' parents being on school boards, being coaches, donating money to the school/athletic programs, et cetera. A lot of kids quit playing football and basketball in high school because of the ludicrous favoritism, feeling there was no other option.

 

I'd like to say that there's a definitive solution, but in most cases the outlook is bleak. I'm sorry that you and your brother are dealing with this, because I know how frustrating it can be.

[Maverick 791]

Zack and Razor pretty much covered my thoughts. At this level it's really difficult to find a fair solution in these types of situations. In more cases than not there's usually politics involved and it definitely sounds like this is one of those cases.

 

Good luck and I hope you're able to do something about it.

[BwareDWare94 723]

Thanks for the input, folks.

My main concern is maintaining that anything I do to try to help is about my brother and not me or my other siblings or anyone else in my family. It's about the 16 year old kid who may not know how to defend himself. Once that perspective sways in favor of anything else, the whole point is lost.

Edited February 16, 2014 by BwareDWare94

[oochymp 2,393]

yeah, like others have said I think anything has to start from your brother, the last thing you want to do is add "he's the kid who had his brother come and talk to me" to whatever the coach has against your brother, and from what you said it does seem like the coach is probably enough of a shithead to hold it against your brother

 

that said, there are good ways to go about it and there are bad ways, if I were your brother I would approach the coach some time after practice and ask something along the lines of what can he do to get more playing time, it should probably go without saying but I would not ask anything about the guys you think he's better than that are getting more PT as then you look like you're trashing teammates, which won't help matters any

[BwareDWare94 723]

There's no "thinking he's better" when the whole community sees it, including the one remaining assistant coach lol. I know we've all seen situations like this where it was one family in particular who was upset over their shitty kid not playing, but this is pretty much everybody but the parents of the two kids playing ahead of my brother, and I'm pretty sure they're even aware of it. We're all just too polite to say anything within their earshot.

Anyway, my reply to you, occhymp isn't meant to discredit your point. I just wanted to mention the widespread knowledge of the fact that my brother should be playing ahead of at least two kids ahead of him.

Edited February 17, 2014 by BwareDWare94

[Mathias 394]

Your brother needs to have a face to face meeting with the Head Coach and nobody else should be involved. You won't get anywhere with anybody if you get the whole family involved.

 

Your brother should stand up for himself if he wants more playing time.

[oochymp 2,393]

There's no "thinking he's better" when the whole community sees it, including the one remaining assistant coach lol. I know we've all seen situations like this where it was one family in particular who was upset over their shitty kid not playing, but this is pretty much everybody but the parents of the two kids playing ahead of my brother, and I'm pretty sure they're even aware of it. We're all just too polite to say anything within their earshot.

 

Anyway, my reply to you, occhymp isn't meant to discredit your point. I just wanted to mention the widespread knowledge of the fact that my brother should be playing ahead of at least two kids ahead of him.

then take "think" out of it, I still wouldn't go into a coach's office and ask why he's playing shitty players instead of me, it still comes across as bitter and not a "team player," which won't help him get in the coach's good graces

Edited February 17, 2014 by oochymp

[Guest Phailadelphia]

As someone who has been in both your brother's situation and yours, I think you should stay out of it.

[BwareDWare94 723]

As someone who has been in both your brother's situation and yours, I think you should stay out of it.

 

Yeah, I don't intend on doing anything. It was just a part of the question, I guess.

 

I just don't understand why my brother should have to confront (not necessarily confront in an accusing nature, but speak to, anyway) his coach in order to play ahead of lesser players. Makes no sense.

[oochymp 2,393]

I just don't understand why my brother should have to confront (not necessarily confront in an accusing nature, but speak to, anyway) his coach in order to play ahead of lesser players. Makes no sense.

because a lot of high school coaches are idiots, it's unfortunate but it's a fact of life