BwareDWare94 723 Posted July 28, 2014 (edited) I feel that humor is a huge part of maintaining civility and friendship, as well as an easy way to pick up somebody who's down about something. As we've aged and become adults, we've all had our rough moments and this site has always provided a nice escape/distraction/whatever we've all needed it to be. I'd like to re-establish a humor thread, something light that we can take a look at each day for an easy laugh. I'll try to post at least one joke a day, but I'd love it if we could have 5-10 new jokes, each day. I don't know if this would be a bit much, but I'd love if we could place the date above each joke, so posters can scroll until they see the day/days that they've missed noted above the jokes. I'll start us off. 7/28/2014 How do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he ain't coming. Edited July 28, 2014 by BwareDWare94 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Barracuda 629 Posted July 28, 2014 7/28/14 Charles Dickens walks into a bar, orders a martini and the bartender says "Olive or twist?" 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vin+ 3,121 Posted July 28, 2014 7/28/14 Saint Peter is interviewing three guys uppn their entrance to Heaven. To the first guy, Peter asks, "I see that you were married to your wife for twenty years, were you always faithful in your marriage?" The guy replies, "Yes." "Are you sure?" "Well, I may have stepped out a few times. These things happen, you know?" Peter says, "I see. You will be driving a Jeep in Heaven", and hands the guy the keys to his Jeep. To the second guy, Peter asks the same question, "I see that you were married to your wife for 35 years, were you faithful in your marriage?" The man replies, "No, I stepped out on her twice." "I see", Peter says, "you'll be driving a Corvette in Heaven" and hands him his keys. To the final guy, Peter asks the same question yet again, "I see that you were married for 50 years, were you faithful to your wife? The man replies, "Yes, I never once strayed." Peter says, "Wow! That is commendable. For that, you get to drive a Lamborghini in Heaven." Some time passes and Peter sees the third man in Lambo looking downtrodden. "What's the matter," he says, "don't you like the car?" "Oh, it's not the car. I love the car. You see, I saw my wife the other day... "She was riding on a skateboard." 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BwareDWare94 723 Posted July 29, 2014 7/29/14 I once had a parrot. It talked, but it didn't say, "I'm hungry," so it died. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BwareDWare94 723 Posted July 30, 2014 7/30/14 I spilled Spot Remover on my dog. Now I haven't seen him for 3 weeks. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BwareDWare94 723 Posted August 1, 2014 7/31/14 Every now and then when stuck in traffic, I have the sudden urge to stick my head out the car window, look up at the sky, and smile for a satellite picture. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry 1,302 Posted August 1, 2014 (edited) Oh, I've got one. A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Get the fuck out of here." (Please dear god somebody get it) Edited August 1, 2014 by Chernobyl426 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ATL_Predator+ 1,196 Posted August 2, 2014 Joke of the day? How about Sean's love life? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BwareDWare94 723 Posted August 2, 2014 8/2/2014 Frisbeetarianism is the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BC 331 Posted August 3, 2014 I was the back judge at a high school varsity game a couple years back. Right after the coin toss the refs kinda gather in the center for a little "lets have a good game" moment. White hat busts this out. You had to hear it from his seasoned old 65 redneck voice for this to be maximum funny. "How do you make your wife scream twice? Fuck her in the ass and wipe it on the drapes." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BwareDWare94 723 Posted August 3, 2014 (edited) 8/3/2014 The other night I ate at a really nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. Edited August 3, 2014 by BwareDWare94 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BwareDWare94 723 Posted August 10, 2014 8/10/14 Last night I was up late playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
