әightninә. 39 Posted April 2, 2011 This is not actually the story of my life. Bits and parts are based about my life, however, it's a Madden/ NCAA Superstar Mode that I turned into a story. And fair warning, I swear a lot. "Fuck you, mom." Sam stormed up the stairs, pissed off, and was just angry at everything. Why couldn't he go out with his girlfriend tonight? Because he didn't clean up? He thought that was fucking bullshit. He turned on his music on full blast, and reflected on his life. He fucking hated his life at times. His parents were going through a divorce. Nobody believed he could do anything. People that didn't know him probably thought he was nuts. He somehow always had a smile on his face through everything, even though he was dying on the inside. He needed an escape: football. Brown was always doubted in life. People thought he was too small going into high school, but he hit the weight room every day, and eventually became a monster. Not strong enough, but after enough work, he had one of the best arms around. 17 years old, and in his Senior year of high school, he wanted to prove everybody wrong. He had his chance, because his team qualified for nationals. At 6'4", 220 lbs, Brown was a big kid, even for a senior in high school. He was one of the best quarterbacks in all of Canada, and he was trying to prove to the scouts that took the journey up north, that he was worth it. His mom interrupted his daydream, and walked into his room. "Sam, turn the music down, and clean your fucking room!" "What?" "CLEAN THE FUCK UP!" He couldn't take this shit anymore. He went nuts. "Mom, I'm fucking tired of this shit! I do everything you fucking ask me to, and you don't let me go out with my girlfriend. Like, get off your fat ass and do some shit around here yourself!" She walked out, in tears. And that's when he knew he was officially in shit. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
funnygunny 521 Posted April 2, 2011 ... if i talked like that to my mom, she'd grab a butcher's knife and chop my dick off. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WindyCitySports 407 Posted April 2, 2011 Mom, I'm fucking tired of this shit! I do everything you fucking ask me to, and you don't let me go out with my girlfriend. Like, get off your fat ass and do some shit around here yourself! If I talked to my mom like this, you all would never hear from me again. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
seanbrock 1,684 Posted April 2, 2011 I read two sentences before I realized you're a fucking faggot and posted this before I left. 3 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014 Posted April 2, 2011 And everyone says I'm mean. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Duck Fallas 209 Posted April 2, 2011 I had a life story. I died in it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
әightninә. 39 Posted April 3, 2011 ... if i talked like that to my mom, she'd grab a butcher's knife and chop my dick off. Exactly. I mean, I've been mad at my mom before, but I've never said ANYTHING close to this. And everyone says I'm mean. Not mean, just short-tempered. LOLYOURLIFESTORY Well, you set yourself up for this one... LOLBANGYFAIL. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rzb+ 367 Posted April 3, 2011 The best part was when the story was over. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
әightninә. 39 Posted April 17, 2011 If you don't like swearing, don't read this. I'm not forcing you to. There was something about the game of football that appealed to Sam Brown. The clicking of the pads when you finally broke free. The loud smash of the shoulder pads colliding when you were about to knock some poor asshole on his ass. He fucking loved football. He breathed the fucking sport. Ever since he was five years old, and his dad signed him up, Sam Brown was always that one kid on the team that was the asshole, but could still play. Usually at running back, Brown was always a step faster than most kids. And he was always sure to use it to his advantage. Flashforward twelve years, and the the small Sam was now the biggest kid at his school, and the captain of the football team. And he still was the same asshole, and faster than ever. And he was practicing with his football team before the semi-finals against Assumption High School. Nelson was already through to the finals, and Brown wanted to make sure that he made it there. He worked his fucking ass of at practice, same went as the rest of the team. Now came the fun part; smear the queer. We've all played it. At least, if you've played football, you've played it. Maybe by another name, but it's still the same game. The goal was simple. Whoever has the ball is the "queer", and it's your job to "smear him". When the queer loses the ball, the next person to get the ball replaces him as the queer, and the process repeats itself. Even though he was a quarterback, Sam Brown fucking loved smear the queer. He loved knocking the living fuck out of people, and there was no better way to do it than smear the queer. Aaron Fernandez, the senior running back was the first "queer", and everyone lined up, ready to fuck his day. Joey Moore, the middle line-backer for the team was a complete meat-head, but fucking loved to knock the shit out of people. He knew that if he went in for the kill-shot first, then the bastard would juke him. Aaron was a douchebag, but he was pretty fuckin' shifty. He'd give him that- he was shifty, but he was also a pussy. Instead of growing some balls and lowering his shoulder, his pussy ass would rather dance around instead of taking a fuckin' hit like a real man. Alex Williams, the starting safety ran at him first, lunged, and missed. Aaron juked the fuck out of him. Pussy. Lower your fucking shoulder and deliver the blow, you fucking pussy. Aaron started running as fast as he could, avoiding some tackles from Freshman kids that shouldn't have left the bench in the first place. Then came Joey Moore, with a full head of steam. He lowered his shoulders, looking to put Fernandez a week back. Fernandez pulled a juke move, and barely got out of the way of the freight train that was coming for him. Little did he know that Sam Brown was right behind him. As he lowered his shoulder, he caught Fernandez right under the helmet, sending him back a few yards, before he came down, hard. As a few kids reacted by screaming, Brown had his own message for Fernandez. Lower the fucking shoulder, pussy. And he ran off with the ball. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blotsfan 2,112 Posted April 17, 2011 The problem with the swearing is that its not natural. Swearing can be good or effective, but it comes across as just forced here to make your story seem "mature" or "edgy." 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
әightninә. 39 Posted April 17, 2011 Most of the time, it's for emphasis of a word. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
funnygunny 521 Posted April 17, 2011 yeah, nothing wrong with swearing, but its way too excessive here and makes the text seem it was written by a dude who has no knowledge of vocabulary. if you wanna emphasise something, there are better options available. expand your vocab bro. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RazorStar 4,025 Posted April 17, 2011 one of the tricks to making swearing right is to use it sparingly, and only when emotionally appropriate. Casual swearing generally needs to avoid the inflection of anger that comes with it. Shit man, you gotta make it flow like rhymes from the mouth of a poet. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
HadenIsland23 42 Posted April 17, 2011 Why am I seeing the f bomb every sentence? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Turry 755 Posted April 17, 2011 I thought he was a qb from canada. why is he a Rb Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
әightninә. 39 Posted April 18, 2011 I thought he was a qb from canada. why is he a Rb He's a running quarterback... Aaron Fernandez is the RB. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014 Posted April 18, 2011 Like fuck man why the fuck does your fucking story have to have so much fucking swearing I mean like shit what the fuck man it's not very fucking realistic man, fuck. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
әightninә. 39 Posted April 18, 2011 Like fuck man why the fuck does your fucking story have to have so much fucking swearing I mean like shit what the fuck man it's not very fucking realistic man, fuck. Fuck I don't fucking known I'm a fucking pissed off little fucking kid. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phenomenal TJ 28 Posted April 18, 2011 Playing smear the queer before a pivotal playoff game and intentionally looking to fuck up your stud running back is the most retarded thing I've ever heard in my life. Shit, 10+ years of football at 4 different levels and I've only ever played smear the queer in the backyard. And I thought your dude was a running back? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
әightninә. 39 Posted April 18, 2011 He was one of the best quarterbacks in all of Canada, and he was trying to prove to the scouts that took the journey up north, that he was worth it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
әightninә. 39 Posted April 27, 2011 Standing in the dressing room during half-time of the semi-finals, Brown was ready to fucking explode. He’d already thrown for over 200 yards, and a touchdown, and rushed for another one, but he’d also been sacked 6 times already, and found his team down 21-14. As the coaches went on talking about the game-plan, and what needed to be changed, Sam got up, and knew exactly what needed to be done. “You wanna know what has to happen? The O-Line has to stop being fucking pussies, and step in-front of their man. The defence needs to step up and make the fucking plays.†And that set the tone for the rest of the game. Receiving the ball to start the second half, Nick Lebert, the second string wide receiver really wanted to impress the scouts that made their way up to the game. Scouts that were willing to throw down some money if you were a player good enough of make the trip down to the U.S. and maybe even the NFL. And he did. Receiving the ball three yards deep into his own end-zone, Lebert used the speed that he had, and started cutting to his left, hard. After a big lead block, there was a huge gap that left only two players between Nick, and the end-zone; the punter and the MVP of the regular season, Jamaal Wilson. Wilson cut down the angle on Lebert, and was ready to destroy him. Nick lowered his shoulder right into Wilson’s chest, and sent his ass back four yards. The coaches were ecstatic on the bench, as Lebert stiff-armed the punter, and trotted into the end-zone, just like his favourite player DeSean Jackson would. And he followed it up with the signature DeSean “jerk†dance. And just like that, it was all tied-up at 21 apiece, with nearly twenty minutes of ball still left to play. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BwareDWare94 723 Posted April 27, 2011 If I'm correct, you're a what? 16 year old kid? There is some writing promise here, but you gotta mature a bit. Expand your vocabulary, first off. Then search your stories for repeated words in small amounts of space. You do it a lot here. Finally, when you wish to perfect it, study the prose and dialogue of your favorite authors. That'll help you learn how to do it right. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BwareDWare94 723 Posted April 27, 2011 (edited) I'm not a tremendous writer, by any means, but I am decent. I've posted a few stories and story snippets in The Sideline. Find them, check them out. Might help. SteVo also posted his story, The Sin Bin, in The Sideline. That could help as well, especially with dialogue, as there was plenty in that story. Edited April 27, 2011 by BwareDWare94 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
