The 20 Types of Depressed Sports Fans

[Piggly Wiggly 960]

http://www.grantland.com/blog/the-triangle/post/_/id/62564/the-20-types-of-depressed-sports-fans

 

Pretty fun read.

 

2. The Single F-Bomb Fan

 

This fan is a traditionalist. He or she responds to every negative twist and turn with a single f-bomb, followed by a brooding silence. Simple. Timeless. Almost, dare we say, elegant.

 

This fan actually comes in two sub-varieties: The short f-bomb, or the drawn-out f-bomb. The former gets bonus points for volume, while the latter is aiming for endurance.

 

9. The Pessimist

 

This fan spends almost the entire game predicting that something terrible is about to happen. Long before it becomes clear that the game is going south, this fan will annoy everyone by coming up with increasingly negative scenarios that he insists are about to unfold. Eventually, his lamentations become a source of constant background noise, like a dripping faucet.

 

This will last until, inevitably, one of the other fans will threaten this person with physical violence if he doesn't shut up immediately. It will probably be the “Punches the Wall” guy. Everyone else will nod silently.

 

10. The Fan Who Says “I Knew It”

 

Right after the game hits rock bottom and the outcome is no longer in doubt, this fan is there to tell you that he knew it was going to happen all along. This usually means he repeats the phrase “I knew it” in increasingly aggravated fashion, often to no one in particular. For some reason, this may also involve lots of agitated nodding.

 

By the way, this fan has no relation to The Pessimist, who at least gets credit for going negative early on. Instead, this fan’s post-disaster “I knew it” tirade will be the first and only indication he's given all game long that he actually did know it.

 

Those three best describe me.

[Sarge+ 3,436]

There should be a "Fan who blames the refs for everything" with a picture of Bware somewhere.

[Vin+ 3,121]

Used to be this (especially during the last half of 06, all of 07):

 

9. The Pessimist

This fan spends almost the entire game predicting that something terrible is about to happen. Long before it becomes clear that the game is going south, this fan will annoy everyone by coming up with increasingly negative scenarios that he insists are about to unfold. Eventually, his lamentations become a source of constant background noise, like a dripping faucet.

 

This will last until, inevitably, one of the other fans will threaten this person with physical violence if he doesn't shut up immediately. It will probably be the "Punches the Wall" guy. Everyone else will nod silently.

 

 

But now I'm this, minus the pain:

 

18. The Non-Reaction Fan

This fan barely acknowledges what's just happened. In fact, you have to study him carefully to find any reaction at all. He might slump slightly, or offer a subtle head shake. There's a slim chance that he might mumble something indecipherable under his breath.

 

But that's it. Whatever chaos is unfolding around him, he won't acknowledge it. If you didn't know any better, you'd almost think he was at peace with what he'd just seen. There's a sense of serenity to him, like a still pond on a windless morning.

 

Make no mistake: No fan is hurting worse than this one.

 

Edited May 21, 2013 by Vin

[Tridentdawgpound 1,043]

11. The Fan Who Keeps Yelling “What Are You Doing?!”

 

This amateur analyst has exactly one page in his playbook: Furiously gesturing at somebody while yelling “What are you doing?” As the game goes on and the situation becomes more dire, this fan continues to zero in on somebody, anybody, to criticize. By the end of the game, he’s doing it during every play, every replay, and most commercial breaks.

 

Note that this fan will never answer his own question, because he actually has absolutely no idea what anybody’s doing.

 

I attribute this to BJ Upton, Dan Uggla, and Buster Skrine.

[Bay 2,003]

9. The Pessimist

 

This fan spends almost the entire game predicting that something terrible is about to happen. Long before it becomes clear that the game is going south, this fan will annoy everyone by coming up with increasingly negative scenarios that he insists are about to unfold. Eventually, his lamentations become a source of constant background noise, like a dripping faucet.This will last until, inevitably, one of the other fans will threaten this person with physical violence if he doesn't shut up immediately. It will probably be the "Punches the Wall" guy. Everyone else will nod silently.

 

10. The Fan Who Says "I Knew It"

 

Right after the game hits rock bottom and the outcome is no longer in doubt, this fan is there to tell you that he knew it was going to happen all along. This usually means he repeats the phrase "I knew it" in increasingly aggravated fashion, often to no one in particular. For some reason, this may also involve lots of agitated nodding.By the way, this fan has no relation to The Pessimist, who at least gets credit for going negative early on. Instead, this fan's post-disaster "I knew it" tirade will be the first and only indication he's given all game long that he actually did know it.

 

18. The Non-Reaction Fan

 

This fan barely acknowledges what's just happened. In fact, you have to study him carefully to find any reaction at all. He might slump slightly, or offer a subtle head shake. There's a slim chance that he might mumble something indecipherable under his breath.But that's it. Whatever chaos is unfolding around him, he won't acknowledge it. If you didn't know any better, you'd almost think he was at peace with what he'd just seen. There's a sense of serenity to him, like a still pond on a windless morning.Make no mistake: No fan is hurting worse than this one.

 

20. The Fan Who Manages to Maintain Perspective

 

Yes, this fan is disappointed in the outcome of the game. But he also understands that a game played by a collection of strangers is not going to have any impact on the truly important things in his life, like his health, his friendships and his family. Put simply, he understands that there are higher priorities in the world than who wins or loses a sporting event. I've been watching sports for over 30 years and have never met this fan, but I suppose it's theoretically possible that they could exist.

 

A mix of these.

[BwareDWare94 723]

I may complain about NBA officiating on here, but it's just venting (even if I am right a bit of the time). As far as how this goes, I'm the non-reaction guy. I used to overreact a lot as a kid and it was embarrassing, so I've separated myself from sports enough to not care that much.

[RazorStar 4,025]

Ask anyone who was with me for the Broncos Ravens game. Number 2. Number fucking 2.

[blotsfan 2,112]

1-11. I have never been 12-13. I have never had the chance to be 12-13. I want to be 12-13. So very, very, badly.

[BradyFan81 404]

With different sports I react differently. When the Patriots lose in the playoffs I'm usually like "Haha, you choke artists. Losers. I didn't know we had a team full of losers on it." Which one is that? I guess Pessimist but I don't spend the whole game doing that, just when things go bad.

 

With the Celtics, I'm a 7.

 

With the Red Sox, I'm a 19.