Just need to vent, not sure if there is any way to do anything

[Thanatos 2,847]

Alright.

 

I have somewhat of a situation that I have about had enough of.

 

A little background here: My mother is a nutcase about natural remedies, alternative medicine, whatever. And that was all well and good when it was just in theory. Now it is potentially threatening the life of my sister. So now it is a fucking problem.

 

My sister told me last week that she has lost 35 pounds since October. She was a physically fit person before then, she was very strict on herself and kept her weight basically where it should be. Point being, she didn't have 35 pounds she needed to lose. At all. I was told the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with her, and I was puzzled, but ok, as long as they are trying.

 

My dad called me the other day almost at his wits end. What has actually been going on is my mother has been coming up with any excuse not to see doctors. My sister has been in the hospital all of two weeks before she was pulled out because my mom decided she couldn't be helped there. Since then, with the help of more nutcases in her church and her friend, she has been exploring alternative medicine.

 

Her latest escapade? She drove down six hours to Georgia to see an "alternative medicine doctor." Why did she decide to go see this person? Because her friend had told her about a bunch of different people, but she didn't know which one to go see. So she called a bunch of them. This person was the first one to call her back- and she did so because she was in an online relationship with someone who has the same area code as my family does, and so she thought it was him calling.

 

My mom's exact words to me were "Doesn't God just work in mysterious ways?" Yes, she thinks God almighty made this quack call her back and took it as a sign they were supposed to go visit this woman.

 

She took my sister down there, and my dad went with them after failing to talk them out of it. Once there, my sister had small metal balls placed on her fingers and toes while telling this lunatic about her symptoms. The lady gave some sort of condition as being possible and said they would wait for her tests to see if that's what it was.

 

(My dad was in full blown sarcasm mode at this point in the story.) "And would you believe it, it was exactly what she had thought it was after seeing her for five minutes! After the doctors couldn't figure it out in two weeks! It's just a fu--- a miracle!"

 

My dad has never uttered a curse word in front of me in his life. He used to all the time when he was a sailor, apparently, but since then he's been very clean. But I swear he nearly let the f word slip he was so upset.

 

This quack proceeded to then try to claim she was going to put something in several different gallons of water that would "change the molecular composition of the water." My mom had been told this water had cured her friend's husband.

 

My dad specifically told her not to buy anything from this lunatic. She ignored him and bought five gallons at $40 apiece. Upon return to our home, Dad had a couple samples tested at his engineering lab where he works, and guess what? It was just pure water. We spent $200 on five gallons of water.

 

My mother is ignoring doctors and hospitals. My sister has fallen for my mom's beliefs hook, line, and sinker. My dad doesn't know what to do, (my sister is 25, he can't force her to do anything, of course).

 

There may be nothing that can be done, I just needed to vent. I am deathly afraid that I am going to lose my sister to a preventable illness/disease/parasite, or whatever the heck it is.

 

Thanks for reading the rant, any ideas of anything I could do would be appreciated.

[RazorStar 4,025]

There's no way to like kidnap your sister and put her into medical care or anything, right? I know your mother is just trying to do what is best, but she's not a medical expert, and none of that alternative medicine / snake oil bullshit is going to help her. When it comes to someone's life, there's no way you can take it out of the hands of people who spend years upon years on studying this kind of shit.

 

I would be absolutely mortified if something like this happened to my sister, so I really don't what you can do. Is there a way you can get power of attorney somehow?

[Favre4Ever+ 4,476]

This seems like a really unfortunate situation. You said your sister completely buys into it though right? I mean, she is doing it on her own accord (well, with your mothers guidance)? If so, I don't really think there is a whole lot that can be done.

Have you actually sat your mom / sister down and told them how you feel about it? I realize you or your dad may have expressed your disdain in the past, but I mean really sit them down and explain your perspective. Make them feel the way you do when you think about your sister or the situation in general.

[Vin+ 3,121]

Unfortunately for this type of person there's not really much you can do, other than sit your mom and sis down as a group and try to talk some sense into them. But, on the other hand, it also sounds like your mom is in the same situation as you and is just grasping at straws trying to help your sis.

 

Really weird that the docs couldn't find anything wrong with her after a two week stay.

[Thanatos 2,847]

This seems like a really unfortunate situation. You said your sister completely buys into it though right? I mean, she is doing it on her own accord (well, with your mothers guidance)? If so, I don't really think there is a whole lot that can be done.

 

Have you actually sat your mom / sister down and told them how you feel about it? I realize you or your dad may have expressed your disdain in the past, but I mean really sit them down and explain your perspective. Make them feel the way you do when you think about your sister or the situation in general.

 

She does. And thus the problem.

 

The issue with them is that they use anecdotal and/or circumstantial evidence and won't hear of any hard facts if it contradicts those beliefs. I sat them down about the anti-vax thing, and their response was to brush me off because a few friends of theirs went to a group in Florida for women who have kids with autism and four or five of them said vaccines were given right before the autism developed. Clearly, that means vaccines are bad and cause autism, never mind the umpteen studies that say otherwise.

 

They're the same way with this. Her friend says this miracle water cured her son, so therefore it has a good chance of working. Never mind that my dad had the damn stuff tested and its just plain water.

 

I mean, he told them it was just water and their response was that maybe the lady put a chemical or something in it that was undetectable on his sensors.

Edited March 3, 2016 by Thanatos

[BwareDWare94 723]

Losing that much weight seems crazy, and you often see that with the development of diabetes, but I assume any competent doctor would have run that blood test already. They have, right, when she was was initially doctoring medically, I mean?

 

What's unfortunate for you is that family is fragile, no matter how strong it seems. They see you as somebody who should support them regardless of your thoughts on their decisions, but you have a duty in regard to your sister's welfare, too. I don't know what I'd do in your situation, but I hope that they come to their senses and this resolves itself and you and your family will be in my thoughts.

 

How do you feel about becoming a bit more aggressive toward them in order to try to get them to see the ridiculous nature of their actions? Do you fear that they'll simply dismiss you and be hurt or do you think you can shock them back into reality? They're being immature and inconsiderate of the rest of the family. Falling for alternative medicine is horribly selfish, because there isn't an individual on the planet who doesn't at least have that voice in the back of their head saying, "This is all bullshit. It's all bullshit."

 

Tough spot, man. I hope the days brighten with good news, and soon.

[Thanatos 2,847]

Diabetes was the first thing they tested for. All of the tests they ran on it were negative.

 

The thing is, Bware, I don't know if you remember this. About, idk, a year and a half ago? I posted a thread in here detailing how I no longer considered myself a Christian. My family is fundamentalist Christian. I mean everything, six day creation, six thousand year old earth, scientists are blind to the real evidence, homosexuals are going to hell, etc, etc.

 

They now know I am an basically an atheist, though I would prefer to be considered an agnostic. (And boy, was *that* conversation a fun one.)

 

This may seem completely irrelevant to the topic at hand, and it should be irrelevant, but its not. Not to them. My every decision now, it seems, is questioned solely because I don't believe in God. It's ridiculous to the point of absurdity how ludicrous it has gotten.

 

The other day I was talking about deciding which apartment to get, and my mother's response was that if I could still pray, God would tell me which one to sign a lease for.

 

So my opinion on this matter means very little to them because I am not praying for guidance in the matter. Apparently you need divine interference to utilize common sense.

[RazorStar 4,025]

Thanatos, I'm actually mad enough at your family that I threw the slice of pizza I was eating across the room...

 

Do you have like a fundy Christian friend with common sense who can act as a mediator for your family? I realize I may be asking for a unicorn, but I feel like deception may be the only way to go here.

[Thanatos 2,847]

That is not a bad idea. I may have someone I could ask. Thing is, I don't think they'll take her word over everyone else's though.

[FartWaffles 1,857]

I'll dress up as some witch doctor and pretend that "God" told me that she should consult an actual liscensed physician. (I'll get their name and pretend it came to me in a vision.)

 

Just come on down to Houston, and I'll take your family into a teepee in an open field and do some ridiculous "rituals" to convince them.

 

My fee is $1,000 straight cash homie. I promise it will be the last foolish money your family will spend on alternative medicine.

Edited March 4, 2016 by FartWaffles

[BwareDWare94 723]

Diabetes was the first thing they tested for. All of the tests they ran on it were negative.

 

The thing is, Bware, I don't know if you remember this. About, idk, a year and a half ago? I posted a thread in here detailing how I no longer considered myself a Christian. My family is fundamentalist Christian. I mean everything, six day creation, six thousand year old earth, scientists are blind to the real evidence, homosexuals are going to hell, etc, etc.

 

They now know I am an basically an atheist, though I would prefer to be considered an agnostic. (And boy, was *that* conversation a fun one.)

 

This may seem completely irrelevant to the topic at hand, and it should be irrelevant, but its not. Not to them. My every decision now, it seems, is questioned solely because I don't believe in God. It's ridiculous to the point of absurdity how ludicrous it has gotten.

 

The other day I was talking about deciding which apartment to get, and my mother's response was that if I could still pray, God would tell me which one to sign a lease for.

 

So my opinion on this matter means very little to them because I am not praying for guidance in the matter. Apparently you need divine interference to utilize common sense.

 

I remember you posting about that, but I don't recall all of the details about your family. That's an unfortunate situation to be in, but at least you're mature enough to handle the ridiculous things they say to you (and to think that stretches all the way to which apartment lease to sign...my goodness).

[Thanatos 2,847]

My sister collapsed today while doing fencing. She wouldn't give up her activities even though she had lost so much weight that she really had no business continuing them.

 

My dad picked her up and carried her into the car and drove her to the hospital despite her protests that she was fine.

 

She's being hospitalized at least overnight, hopefully they can find something and hopefully its not too late to do something about it. I am scared out of my mind atm, I think I'm going to head home if they don't give me good news tomorrow morning.

[Favre4Ever+ 4,476]

Best wishes to your sisters and here is to hoping they can give her the real medical attention it appears she needs. Who knows though, perhaps your mom will be at the voodoo doctors tonight and the hospital may just be rendered useless.

Either way, here is to hoping for a good turnout. Whatever "good" may be at this point.

[BwareDWare94 723]

My sister collapsed today while doing fencing. She wouldn't give up her activities even though she had lost so much weight that she really had no business continuing them.

 

My dad picked her up and carried her into the car and drove her to the hospital despite her protests that she was fine.

 

She's being hospitalized at least overnight, hopefully they can find something and hopefully its not too late to do something about it. I am scared out of my mind atm, I think I'm going to head home if they don't give me good news tomorrow morning.

 

We've all got our fingers crossed, man.

[Thanatos 2,847]

They think they found something.

 

There is some sort of growth on her uterus. It's not cancerous-like, and is likely caused by hormonal imbalance, which would explain the nausea she has when she eats much of anything.

 

They can't test it yet until a certain time of the month, (eew, I know), but the doctor was pretty sure that this is at least one of her problems.

 

All great and everything. My mom's reaction? She is now looking up alternative medicine to correct a hormone imbalance. She wanted to take my sister home today, and my dad put his foot down and said no way on earth, and the doctors sided with him. They're keeping her for a few days, until they can test for it and make sure.

 

Like, it wasn't alternative medicine that found it, why don't you try regular medicine to correct it first?

 

And a potentially major side effect since they waited this long to do something about it is that my sister's ability to have children may have been severely impacted. I'm glad they found something, but I am still angry beyond belief at both of them.

Edited March 6, 2016 by Thanatos

[blotsfan 2,112]

Damn, hope she doesn't have any long-term issues. Hope your dad can convince her to get the help she needs.

[Thanatos 2,847]

Update on this thing. I have reached boiling point. I'm going to Skype them in about ten minutes and and it is not going to be pretty. I figure if they can see how bloody angry I am it might get through to them more than just my voice.

 

They figured out the treatment, it was a hormonal imbalance. She needs to take birth control.

 

Guess what my family thinks about someone taking birth control.

 

I don't know if you remember this, but Rush Limbaugh stuck his foot in his mouth about six months back. They were talking about whether companies needed to cover birth control for employees and this college-age woman was testifying in front of congress about why she needed birth control. Rush called her a slut. My family agreed with him, (I distinctly remember because I mentioned about how wrong he was and they were like, "But he's not wrong").

 

So yeah, she doesn't want to take birth control because "everyone will think she's having sex," and she thinks the "Christian" thing to do is try the natural remedies first. But don't worry if they don't work she'll do it. Eventually. Or so she says.

 

I don't know why everyone has to know she's taking birth control, she could just say she's taking medication, the exact kind can be private. You got some nosy friends if they don't accept, "Yeah I'm taking some meds to control it now," as an answer and insist on knowing what kind of meds.

 

I think they just don't want to admit what a gigantic trio of fucking hypocrites they were about claiming that no one really uses birth control for anything other than to have sex without getting pregnant.

 

I don't care if she hates me for a little while, I am going to call her a damn idiot to her face in an attempt to shock her. I'm probably going to curse at them, which I know isn't a big deal to most of you, but it would be a big deal to my family. I've run out of other alternatives here. The point is to convince her to let the people who were trained in this to do their fucking job instead of letting some quack treat her with some homeopathic remedies when it was the damn doctors who figured out what was wrong in the first place. Clearly, calm reasoned statements do nothing.

 

Wish me luck.

Edited April 11, 2016 by Thanatos

[Vin+ 3,121]

Godspeed.

[blotsfan 2,112]

Seriously? I know religious people that have taken birth control just to control their periods. Its not uncommon at all to take it for non-sex reasons.

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

Hope it went well, man.

[RazorStar 4,025]

Do what you need to, it'd be unacceptable otherwise.

[FartWaffles 1,857]

So glad I am an atheist. Religion promotes irrational thinking, and the people who take it to the extremes are so damn cringe-inducing.

 

Sorry you have to experience this firsthand through your own family, Than.

[Thanatos 2,847]

It went about as well as I expected. They haven't said a word to me since. She said she would "think about what I said" as she ended the call, I fully expect her to do nothing about it. I can't reach them.

 

The amount of helplessness I feel about this situation is worse than just about anything else I've ever had to deal with. I don't know what to do and I don't know how to reach them. The church they're in is basically a cult, (off topic, but my best friend's gf also got involved with a cult and dumped him three weeks later because the church told her to, but I digress), and supports natural remedies and shit as "God's way of doing things." They won't tell you outright not to go to a doctor, and they don't frown on it period, but they do feel like you should always try to do natural remedies first.

 

That would be ok, I guess, were she not dealing with a situation that the doctor told her will get worse the longer it goes untreated and it will be a harder and longer road to recovery the longer she waits to start taking it.

[BwareDWare94 723]

I know it's not as cut and dried as you knowing that you tried when it comes to family, but you may need to come to terms with that because you've done the right thing. Your hands are clean of whatever happens. I hope common sense eventually takes root for them and she starts taking the medication.

 

It is absolutely baffling that in this day and age there are people who still don't know the other uses of birth control. Young girls get put on it by their physicians with their parents' knowledge all the time.

[Thanatos 2,847]

Surprising update: My sister has agreed to start birth control, though neither her nor my mom think it will help.