Husband Sends Spreadsheet to Wife for Wife's Lack of Spreading

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

Pouty Husband Sends Wife Spreadsheet Detailing Sex-Life Dissatisfaction
Tom Ley
Yesterday 3:42pm

Reddit user throwwwwaway29 has a husband, and her husband is fed up. He is so fed up that this morning he sent her an email that contained the above spreadsheet, detailing all the times she has denied him sex over the course of the last month or so.

The wife explains:

Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He's never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it's a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won't miss me for the 10 days I'm gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my "excuses", using verbatim quotes of why I didn't feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his 'document', we've only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 "attempts" on his part.

Look man, every marriage is different when it comes to settling on an acceptable fucks-per-month quota. But it's never a good idea to voice your displeasure at where that fucks-per-month number currently sits via a passive aggressive email and a spreadsheet detailing your wife's alleged frigidity.

Good work italicizing all the yeses in there, though. We can almost hear the echos from you high-fiving yourself when you typed those in.

http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/pouty-husband-sends-wife-spreadsheet-detailing-sex-life-1607350830

 

lmao




So, obviously the guy could've handled it better, but I feel like people are too quick to jump to the woman's defense these days in the name of "chivalry".

A line from another article reporting it states that in her responses on Reddit, she said:

Although one would imagine a person this petty and childish doesn’t deserve to get laid to begin with, the OP insists her husband isn’t usually like this: “This is a side of him I have never seen before—bitter, immature, full of hatred.” She’s spent the last 24 hours trying to get hold of him, to no avail, and spent last night crying herself to sleep, she said.

We know nothing of their relationship or what lead to this, but it stands to reason that if she's "never seen this from him before", he's probably got a good reason for doing so. As someone that's been in a similar position in a relationship, I can say this is similar to how I'd have reacted if I were married.

 

 

 

Is it always the guy's fault when he doesn't get sex? Does a woman have a responsibility to fuck her husband more than twice a month? Especially when, in most cases, sex had been MUCH more frequent in the past?

 

EDIT: These questions are in a general sense, not just regarding this couple.

Edited July 20, 2014 by Zack_of_Steel

[seanbrock 1,684]

If you marry somebody it's your duty to have sex more than twice a month tbh. There are extenuating circumstances like health and other things, but I'm sorry ladies, but for all you expect from your man you can at least put out from time to time.

[blotsfan 2,112]

You have no "duty" to put out. Sex is supposed to be something both people want to do in a relationship. If she doesn't then there are clearly bigger issues, most likely the fault of both of them. I have no sympathy for this guy though. Talk to her like a man. Don't post some passive-aggressive spreadsheet.

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

So when one half of the relationship blindsides the other with "not wanting to" more than twice a month, that's not passive aggressive? As a man (or woman, really), you enter into a serious relationship or marriage under the assumption that sexual needs will not be ignored.

[seanbrock 1,684]

You have no "duty" to put out. Sex is supposed to be something both people want to do in a relationship. If she doesn't then there are clearly bigger issues, most likely the fault of both of them. I have no sympathy for this guy though. Talk to her like a man. Don't post some passive-aggressive spreadsheet.

Then get a divorce if you don't want to have sex. Nobody has ever been in a successful or healthy relationship without sex.

[Thanatos 2,847]

Then get a divorce if you don't want to have sex. Nobody has ever been in a successful or healthy relationship without sex.

That is complete and utter bullshit and utterly ignores people who are asexual.

[blotsfan 2,112]

But if she doesn't want to as frequently, then she doesn't have to. Simple as that. Its clearly a problem with the relationship and I wouldn't blame either party for ending it or addressing it, but he did it in a pathetic, immature way.

[seanbrock 1,684]

I'm sure it was addressed or at least brought up before the spread sheet was sent. If not, whatever, maybe she doesn't want to fuck him because he's a pussy. Either way, time to end it if you get laid twice a month. There are senior citizen couples that have sex a lot more often than that lol.

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

That is complete and utter bullshit and utterly ignores people who are asexual.

 

Fuck off, lol.

 

But if she doesn't want to as frequently, then she doesn't have to. Simple as that. Its clearly a problem with the relationship and I wouldn't blame either party for ending it or addressing it, but he did it in a pathetic, immature way.

 

So is he allowed to tell her "no, I don't want to" any time she asks something of him and he doesn't feel like doing it? No, because in a relationship you provide what your partner needs and trust that they wouldn't ask for something if they didn't need it.

 

Twice a month is unhealthy and, obviously, a problem. "Not wanting to" is not a good excuse when it gets to that point. You have a responsibility to meet sexual needs in a marriage and if you're not doing so, you're wronging your partner. Anyone can get in the mood more than twice a month if they put in the effort and allow their partner to put them in the mood.

[blotsfan 2,112]

Yeah, it doesn't sound like their relationship is good. I'm not criticizing him for being unhappy about that. I'm just saying the spreadsheet was stupid and doesnt paint a good picture of him.

[seanbrock 1,684]

 

Fuck off, lol.

 

 

So is he allowed to tell her "no, I don't want to" any time she asks something of him and he doesn't feel like doing it? No, because in a relationship you provide what your partner needs and trust that they wouldn't ask for something if they didn't need it.

 

Twice a month is unhealthy and, obviously, a problem. "Not wanting to" is not a good excuse when it gets to that point. You have a responsibility to meet sexual needs in a marriage and if you're not doing so, you're wronging your partner. Anyone can get in the mood more than twice a month if they put in the effort and allow their partner to put them in the mood.

Exactly, Doesn't mean she has to be his love slave and have sex with him whenever he wants, but twice a month is ridiculous. I swear, what a guy brings to a relationship is minimized by the media like crazy. Just look at single mom's and how their kids do compared to a family with the dad. Not sure if they have kids or not. If not it makes it even more unacceptable. He probably gets attitude if he doesn't mow the lawn though lol.

[Sarge+ 3,436]

Yeah, it doesn't sound like their relationship is good. I'm not criticizing him for being unhappy about that. I'm just saying the spreadsheet was stupid and doesnt paint a good picture of him.

 

^ This. I think the spreadsheet is funny, but he shouldn't have done it. There could have been some other way to bring it up to her one on one. Such as what you said, Zack. He could have waited for an opportunity when she needed something, and he could have told her he didn't feel like it. Maybe he is a bitch and doesn't get her excited enough anymore, idk. It's tough to make assumptions without knowing them or their relationship.

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

Yeah, it doesn't sound like their relationship is good. I'm not criticizing him for being unhappy about that. I'm just saying the spreadsheet was stupid and doesnt paint a good picture of him.

 

I guess I can see that, but sexual frustration leads to irrationality. The way I've seen it best put was on Californication, where sex was described as, "getting the toxins out" for men.

 

I'm more arguing in a general sense here, not really for this particular couple, considering we don't know their situation. Too often do I see interneters/media members don their white knight armor to defend the fair, female race with regard to withholding sex. I feel that men get the short end of the stick here in that they're always assumed to be in the wrong, "expecting pussy" and whatnot. It's just not always so cut-and-dry.

Edited July 20, 2014 by Zack_of_Steel

[oochymp 2,393]

Yeah, it doesn't sound like their relationship is good. I'm not criticizing him for being unhappy about that. I'm just saying the spreadsheet was stupid and doesnt paint a good picture of him.

and her sharing that spreadsheet with the world doesn't make her look any better, these two seem to have issues that go beyond sex

[Phins4life 271]

If a man reading the spreadsheet--by itself, out of context with the rest of the story--didn't laugh out loud at least once...he probably isn't married. I love my wife and I still got a good chuckle out of it.

[Cherry 1,302]

Sex is a pleasure, not a duty. If he has a legitimate issue with how often him and his wife have it, he needs to put more effort in or talk to her face to face.

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

Sex is a pleasure, not a duty. If he has a legitimate issue with how often him and his wife have it, he needs to put more effort in or talk to her face to face.

 

Since I just found out that you're 15, I'm just not going to respond, lol. No offense to you, but you can't really accurately comment on this discussion.

[Sarge+ 3,436]

Sex is a duty if and ONLY if the relationship is healthy, but this one clearly isn't. Although, I'm not sure what came first. Did the lack of sex lead to the unhealthy relationship, or did the unhealthy relationship lead to the lack of sex? It's hard to tell in this case.

[Phins4life 271]

Sex is a duty if and ONLY if the relationship is healthy, but this one clearly isn't. Although, I'm not sure what came first. Did the lack of sex lead to the unhealthy relationship, or did the unhealthy relationship lead to the lack of sex? It's hard to tell in this case.

 

My guess...just a guess...would be the latter, since most initially happy couples don't just taper off to almost never having sex for no reason. Other external factors can and do play a part, but I'm just doing my part as the overgeneralizing third party in this case .

[Sarge+ 3,436]

I just bet there are a lot of mind games between both sides of this relationship. And building a long-lasting relationship on mind games is quite difficult.

[Guest Phailadelphia]

The woman posted the spreadsheet anonymously in an attempt to get advice so I can't really fault her for that. I doubt she intended it to go viral. I probably would have done the same.

 

The guy...wow.

 

The two clearly have some issues to work out, but if the dude was THAT upset by his wife not wanting to have sex, why this approach? Why wait so long? Why be passive-aggressive about it? What good did he think would possibly come of this? It's unthinkable.

[Phins4life 271]

 

The two clearly have some issues to work out, but if the dude was THAT upset by his wife not wanting to have sex, why this approach? Why wait so long? Why be passive-aggressive about it? What good did he think would possibly come of this? It's unthinkable.

 

It could be a complex psychology thing. Some people struggle with the mindset that other people are supposed to "know how to act" for lack of a better phrase. It obviously isn't that simple, but what I'm getting at is that some people struggle with the understanding that people aren't going to behave in the vacuum of logic you create in your mind. Such as, "I've been a good husband, so I should get sex any day now." It's the idea that your own good behavior will produce reciprocal behavior and positive rewards without having to ask for it.

 

The frustration that it isn't reciprocated is bottled up until it makes it's way out in this kind of passive-aggressive form, since in his mind he should not have had to bring the topic up in the first place. I've dealt with mental processes like this myself, although not quite to this extreme. And I'm sure I've butchered this explanation, so sorry for that.

Edited July 20, 2014 by Phins4life

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

How do we know he hadn't broached the subject hundreds of times and was shot down with the same, lame excuses? How do we know he hasn't been a model husband or that the problem does not lie with the wife?

 

Trying to rationalize their situation one way or another is pointless. I was trying to generate discussion on a common issue in life, not attempt to scrutinize their relationship. Maybe I should've just made another thread.

[oochymp 2,393]

The woman posted the spreadsheet anonymously in an attempt to get advice so I can't really fault her for that. I doubt she intended it to go viral. I probably would have done the same.

there are plenty of effective ways to get advice without posting something like that online, even if it is 'anonymous,' which may be one of the biggest fictions of the internet

 

as to the original question, I think the sexual side of a relationship is going to vary from one relationship to another depending on a huge number of factors but in general I think, like others have said, dissatisfaction in the bedroom is likely just a symptom of a relationship that's failing for other reasons

[RazorStar 4,025]

If you want to get married you should honestly be willing to have sex every day.

 

Pros to sex

1. It's good for you

2. Have a headache? After intercourse you won't anymore. Unless you like getting jackhammered into the headboard.

3. Best way to stay in shape

 

Cons to sex

1. There are no cons to sex.