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Fightin' words from Philly: Writer takes shots at Jerry, the star & Landry's hat

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FRANK FITZPATRICK

 

Philadelphia Inquirer

 

Published: 25 October 2011 11:49 PM

 

PHILADELPHIA — It’s nice that the Eagles and Cowboys typically play on Sundays. That way, if I want to light a votive candle and pray that Miles Austin develops scurvy, I don’t have to make a special trip to church.

 

Wish I understood my Cowboys aversion. All I know is that as a real Philadelphian, they inspire the same kind of animus as Super Pretzels. And for exactly the same reason: They’re both tasteless.

 

People often ask me why I dislike the Cowboys so. As Elizabeth Barrett Browning, a Dallas cheerleader until pantaloons above the ankle prompted her resignation, once wrote, let me count the ways:

 

Tom Landry’s hat. Did he think he was hiding his baldness? The Cowboys first coach wore fedoras right through the Age of Aquarius, shielding his head while the rest of us were expanding ours. I could maybe see the need for one on a December Sunday in Green Bay. But indoors in New Orleans? Or Miami? It was an affectation of the arrogant.

 

Jimmy Johnson’s hair. Speaking of inappropriate headwear. The guy apparently missed wearing a helmet so much that he created one out of hair, mousse and his Arkansas sensibility.

 

Jerry Jones’ face. It’s been lifted more frequently than Kyle Kendrick. The current owner’s narcissistic infatuation with Botox speaks volumes about his ego, his team and his disposable income.

 

The old stadium. Who builds a football stadium in a place called Irving ? Has there ever been a Texan whose first name was Irving? If so, I’m betting he didn’t wear spurs. Anyway, is the weather in Texas so bad and are the fans so delicate that they needed to cover the stands with a roof? Typically arrogant Cowboys fans liked to say the reason there was a hole in the roof was so God could watch his favorite team. If God’s really a Dallas fan, how do you explain Leon Lett?

 

The new stadium. Aside from Rick Perry , is there a more ridiculous monument to Texas excess? A $1.5 billion shopping mall of a stadium in a state where the governor seriously considered laying off 100,000 teachers.

 

Michael Irvin. Tough to like the man who still holds the NFL record for most felonies in a season.

 

Deion Sanders. Enough said.

 

Lee Roy Jordan. This 1960s Cowboys linebacker was obnoxious long before that trait was in vogue.

 

Tony Romo. Dallas’ maddeningly erratic QB once dated Jessica Simpson, perhaps the reason his quarterback rating that year was lower than her IQ.

 

Barry Switzer. If there ever was a more oily football coach — not counting Johnson and his hair tonic — I can’t recall him. He’s his sport’s answer to John Calipari and Bobby Huggins.

 

The star I like most stars. The Christmas star, movie stars, Converse All-Stars, Ringo and Sally Starr. But the mere sight of one of the blue Cowboys variety is enough to make me physically ill.

 

Dallas. Don’t think I’ll ever be able to disassociate the city from the JFK assassination. Dallas stole my innocence. And where was Joe Bob Isbell on Nov. 22, 1963?

 

Source: The Dallas Morning News

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Guest Phailadelphia

HEY GUYS REMEMBER THAT TIME PHILLY WON THE SUPER BOWL? ME EITHER. LOL

 

80508295.jpg

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Michael Irvin. Tough to like the man who still holds the NFL record for most felonies in a season.

 

The star I like most stars. The Christmas star, movie stars, Converse All-Stars, Ringo and Sally Starr. But the mere sight of one of the blue Cowboys variety is enough to make me physically ill.

These were my two favorite parts. :lol:

 

As most of you may or may not know, I have no problem with the Cowboys—apart from Romo being vastly overrated for the past however many years—but this entire article had me laughing. Clever and funny.

 

I wish I had two hands, so I could give this writer 4 thumbs up.

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HEY GUYS REMEMBER THAT TIME PHILLY WON THE SUPER BOWL? ME EITHER. LOL

 

80508295.jpg

And it's been 15 years since the Cowboys won one... and in that span, we've won the division 6 times, compared to your 3. Remember that time the Cowboys won the Super Bowl? Eh... me neither.

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Guest Phailadelphia

And it's been 15 years since the Cowboys won one... and in that span, we've won the division 6 times, compared to your 3. Remember that time the Cowboys won the Super Bowl? Eh... me neither.

 

THAT is your comeback?

 

lol @ saying "we have more division titles than you in the last 15 years!!!" What'd you do with them? Not a fucking thing. You have no Lombardis. Your franchise is a notorious playoff choker. Sit down. Shut up.

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Hahahaha, I can't wait until this game Sunday night....After the Giants-Dolphins, this is the game I'm looking the most forward to this weekend....

 

It should be a good one.....

Edited by BLUE

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THAT is your comeback?

 

lol @ saying "we have more division titles than you in the last 15 years!!!" What'd you do with them? Not a fucking thing. You have no Lombardis. Your franchise is a notorious playoff choker. Sit down. Shut up.

 

 

:yep:

 

Cowboys have "scoreboard"...nuff said...

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THAT is your comeback?

 

lol @ saying "we have more division titles than you in the last 15 years!!!" What'd you do with them? Not a fucking thing. You have no Lombardis. Your franchise is a notorious playoff choker. Sit down. Shut up.

Yeah, because the only point in watching sports is to see your team win a championship? Maybe that's true for the players, but if you're telling me the only thing that makes you smile as a fan is when your team wins it all, then you're either borderline suicidal after 15 years of losing or you're lying to me. There's a lot more to being a fan than seeing your team win the championship (maybe not for the bandwagoning Cowboys fans).

 

And 15 years is a looong time to still be bragging about it when we've been beating you.

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Yeah, because the only point in watching sports is to see your team win a championship? Maybe that's true for the players, but if you're telling me the only thing that makes you smile as a fan is when your team wins it all, then you're either borderline suicidal after 15 years of losing or you're lying to me. There's a lot more to being a fan than seeing your team win the championship (maybe not for the bandwagoning Cowboys fans).

 

And 15 years is a looong time to still be bragging about it when we've been beating you.

 

We own the all time head to head record 56-44..

 

Since 96..the head to head is 15-17 in favor of the Eagles..and most of those wins by the Eagles was when we were god fucking awful in the early 2000's..

 

But if we wanna be relevant..we're 4-1 against the Eagles since 09..so who's been your daddy as of late, bitch?

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We own the all time head to head record 56-44..

 

Since 96..the head to head is 15-17 in favor of the Eagles..and most of those wins by the Eagles was when we were god fucking awful in the early 2000's..

 

But if we wanna be relevant..we're 4-1 against the Eagles since 09..so who's been your daddy as of late, bitch?

If you want to be really relevant, we beat you last year when we were trying, and you beat us when we weren't trying since we already had the division won. Nice effort though.

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If you want to be really relevant, we beat you last year when we were trying, and you beat us when we weren't trying since we already had the division won. Nice effort though.

 

You beat us by 3 points with Jon Kitna playing and no Dez Bryant. While we also had the worst defense in the league.

 

And if you want to be really relevant again, the last game we played, we beat you at your place with Stephen fucking McGee. Lmfao

 

So, who's your daddy bitch?

Edited by Mathias
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I'm all for the heated debates amongst rivals, bros, but lets just chill with the personal insults.

 

Y'alls know we have a section for that now, where you can literally say whatever you want to someone with the exception of physical threats.....

 

:yep:

Edited by BLUE
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The fact of the matter is Philly beat a shitty Washington with LOLRexGrossman starting and LOLJohnBeck replacing him. It's Tony Romo they're playing this week. It's over. Unless their defense has miraculously gotten bettter over the bye week, Dallas should be able to hang 30 on them and our D will contain them. Vick never plays well with DeMarcus Ware on the other side of the line. Anthony Spencer is going to lay a hit or two on him as well, so we'll have a shaken Vick on his heels all night.

 

I do have to give Spence something. He hits harder than Ware does. Ware concentrates more on making sure he gets the sack/tackle, so that's the reasoning, but I do love seeing Anthony Spencer hit people. Fucking crushed Drew Brees a couple of years ago.

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I'm all for the heated debates amongst rivals, bros, but lets just chill with the personal insults.

 

Y'alls know we have a section for that now, where you can literally say whatever you want to someone with the exception of physical threats.....

 

:yep:

I find it kinda funny that you can't physically threaten someone over the internet. Like, why would anyone feel threatened lol.

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I find it kinda funny that you can't physically threaten someone over the internet. Like, why would anyone feel threatened lol.

 

I've actually seen shit get out of hand on other sites to the point where people have threatened to find other posters to kick the shit out of them. In most cases you're right, it's just the internet. But we, as a staff, have to make sure that there isn't a chance of that happening, to protect the site and it's members.....

 

:yep:

Edited by BLUE

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Also, moved. I probably should have posted here it in the first place.....:yep:

Edited by BLUE

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Guest Phailadelphia

I find it kinda funny that you can't physically threaten someone over the internet. Like, why would anyone feel threatened lol.

 

It shows a complete lack of class as well.

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I think the real question is: which team will collapse worse in the 4th quarter?

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