Confession Thread

[Bay 2,003]

Must have clogged a toliet at least 30 times in my life.

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

Must have clogged a toliet at least 30 times in my life.

Why did this come into your brain

[Bay 2,003]

Why did this come into your brain

Clogged one earlier today >_<

[ATL_Predator+ 1,196]

I struggle with depression. Heavier than most.

 

I've had many suicidal thoughts over the past couple years ever since I stopped playing sports in high school. From day one, I've never really felt wanted. For those that are unaware, I was adopted at 2 days old by a white family.

 

Never have I seen, contacted, or heard from my biological family.

 

I dropped out of college in search of a police job, which is still coming along, just a long process. I joined the military so they would pay for school, and they honestly haven't done shit for me besides make my life miserable.

 

A girl who I dated for 6 years left me earlier on this year, because I wasn't 'good enough'

 

Generally, I am a different person, I've been in a lot of places..seen lots of different things. But no matter where I go...I don't fit in.

 

I just feel alone. No real family. Not a whole lot of friends. Just someone that is consumed by working to keep afloat in today's society.

 

I was on anti-depressants for a while, but then things got better...but lately. Things just seem to be getting worse. I honestly think it has something to do with winter.

 

I know I get a lot of shit around here for being emo or w/e, but it's just my natural state and idk how to really change it when I feel like I've done my best no matter where I've gone...but I just get thrown away.

[Favre4Ever+ 4,476]

You may have seasonal effective disorder. My mom really takes a turn for the worse in the winter... I don't understand it completely.. but it has to do with just the constant gray, dark skies.. relatively little sunlight and a whole lot of cold. I don't really know much of the science behind it, but it may be something you want to check into?

Don't worry though Charles... As you can see from this thread, a lot of us have demons we are fighting on a consistent basis. There is solace to be found...

 

No matter how esoteric and insurmountable that void may feel, realize that you have the strength inside of you that can be the beacon that pierces through that darkness.

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

If you truly think it's winter that has an effect, you could be suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder. My girlfriend has battled depression for most of her life and she's always felt far shittier in the winter. She's got a lamp that mimics sunlight, which is one of the main treatments for SAD. She really feels that it's effective. I'd suggest looking into one of those, but be sure to do some research or talk to your doctor for a suggestion. Some of the lamps have more UV for different disorders, which could hurt your eyes/skin.

 

As for not fitting in, I think you fit in here just fine, even if it's the only place. That's kind of why most of us are here, if you think about it. Just look at how many members contributed to the Social Anxiety snowball that Trident started.

 

We're mostly all outliers in real life, but we have a "home" here. Society is pretty shitty anyway. I used to feel a lot like you're describing back in middle school/early high school. Then I just stopped giving a fuck and realized that I'm better than 99% of the population based on my intelligence and morals alone. Not giving a fuck actually lead to me coming out of my shell more, making more friends, and having more chicks interested in me. I think you'd do well to stop dwelling on the fact that you don't fit in, stop worrying about being in a relationship, and just try and enjoy life for you.

 

We're here for you, man.

[SteVo+ 3,702]

No matter how esoteric and insurmountable that void may feel, realize that you have the strength inside of you that can be the beacon that pierces through that darkness.

 

This may sound incredibly cheesy, or perhaps overdramatic, but it's the truest shit in the world.

[Crash3021 101]

 

This may sound incredibly cheesy, or perhaps overdramatic, but it's the truest shit in the world.

 

It definitely is, I know firsthand what that experience is like being able to dig deep within you to find the necessary strength to better yourself.

[FartWaffles 1,857]

I've been with my girlfriend for almost five years now. We've had our ups, we've had our downs, but overall I just don't see myself marrying her. Over the years we nag/fight more frequently, she's an absolute slob around the apartment, she's put on a lot of weight in the gut area, and now we rarely even have sex any more to top it off.

 

The problem is we still have an apartment lease through March, so I've been stuck in this weird "relationship coma" for almost a year now... I've got major anxiety for when the moment comes when I tell her I want to leave her. I know it's going to ruin her emotionally. I still care about her well-being, and I want her to be happy, I just can't be the guy any more to provide that for her.

 

I feel like I put myself here, because I put other people's needs ahead of my own a lot. I'm coming to the realization that I need to make myself happy first for a change. It just sucks that I feel like I have to wait until March to do something I've wanted to do for months now. I'm about to be 27, and the last thing I want to do is go move back in with the 'rents if you catch my drift...

 

Hope that was a good enough confession for y'all.

[Crash3021 101]

I've been with my girlfriend for almost five years now. We've had our ups, we've had our downs, but overall I just don't see myself marrying her. Over the years we nag/fight more frequently, she's an absolute slob around the apartment, she's put on a lot of weight in the gut area, and now we rarely even have sex any more to top it off.

 

The problem is we still have an apartment lease through March, so I've been stuck in this weird "relationship coma" for almost a year now... I've got major anxiety for when the moment comes when I tell her I want to leave her. I know it's going to ruin her emotionally. I still care about her well-being, and I want her to be happy, I just can't be the guy any more to provide that for her.

 

I feel like I put myself here, because I put other people's needs ahead of my own a lot. I'm coming to the realization that I need to make myself happy first for a change. It just sucks that I feel like I have to wait until March to do something I've wanted to do for months now. I'm about to be 27, and the last thing I want to do is go move back in with the 'rents if you catch my drift...

 

Hope that was a good enough confession for y'all.

 

Being the same kind of selfless person, I can relate to that a lot. Often I wouldn't do things/would do them thinking about how it would affect others before of how it would affect myself. A few years back I realized I had to be a little more selfish and worry about your own happiness instead of others' first like you have, you'll definitely be in a better place.

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

I've been with my girlfriend for almost five years now. We've had our ups, we've had our downs, but overall I just don't see myself marrying her. Over the years we nag/fight more frequently, she's an absolute slob around the apartment, she's put on a lot of weight in the gut area, and now we rarely even have sex any more to top it off.

 

The problem is we still have an apartment lease through March, so I've been stuck in this weird "relationship coma" for almost a year now... I've got major anxiety for when the moment comes when I tell her I want to leave her. I know it's going to ruin her emotionally. I still care about her well-being, and I want her to be happy, I just can't be the guy any more to provide that for her.

 

I feel like I put myself here, because I put other people's needs ahead of my own a lot. I'm coming to the realization that I need to make myself happy first for a change. It just sucks that I feel like I have to wait until March to do something I've wanted to do for months now. I'm about to be 27, and the last thing I want to do is go move back in with the 'rents if you catch my drift...

 

Hope that was a good enough confession for y'all.

I was in the same situation with my last girlfriend, only we had just moved to a new place when I finally nutted up and broke up with her. It was awful. Breaking up is the right choice, though, for sure. Good luck.

[BwareDWare94 723]

I've been with my girlfriend for almost five years now. We've had our ups, we've had our downs, but overall I just don't see myself marrying her. Over the years we nag/fight more frequently, she's an absolute slob around the apartment, she's put on a lot of weight in the gut area, and now we rarely even have sex any more to top it off.

 

The problem is we still have an apartment lease through March, so I've been stuck in this weird "relationship coma" for almost a year now... I've got major anxiety for when the moment comes when I tell her I want to leave her. I know it's going to ruin her emotionally. I still care about her well-being, and I want her to be happy, I just can't be the guy any more to provide that for her.

 

I feel like I put myself here, because I put other people's needs ahead of my own a lot. I'm coming to the realization that I need to make myself happy first for a change. It just sucks that I feel like I have to wait until March to do something I've wanted to do for months now. I'm about to be 27, and the last thing I want to do is go move back in with the 'rents if you catch my drift...

 

Hope that was a good enough confession for y'all.

 

A partner is not worth your time if they don't do their part in living arrangements. A partner is not worth your time if they let themselves go physically just because they're confident you won't leave them (at the same time, are you in better shape than she is? If that answer's no, I don't think her weight gain is something you can really be upset about. I've been in your shoes, and as someone who's heavy enough, it was hard to be too critical of her).

 

I don't care how shallow this sounds--I've always hated when I've seen friends in relationships with people who quit trying the instant they feel secure. Makes me livid when I see this happen to good people who take care of themselves. Makes me even more livid when I see friends do it their partners. It doesn't have to be that they're slobbish in the apartment. It doesn't have to be weight gain.

 

Dude, just get out. There is no perfect time. The longer you wait, the harder it's going to get. You two share a lease. It's your place, too. Maybe it'll be her that moves out.

Edited November 26, 2014 by BwareDWare94

[BwareDWare94 723]

I struggle with depression. Heavier than most.

 

I've had many suicidal thoughts over the past couple years ever since I stopped playing sports in high school. From day one, I've never really felt wanted. For those that are unaware, I was adopted at 2 days old by a white family.

 

Never have I seen, contacted, or heard from my biological family.

 

I dropped out of college in search of a police job, which is still coming along, just a long process. I joined the military so they would pay for school, and they honestly haven't done shit for me besides make my life miserable.

 

A girl who I dated for 6 years left me earlier on this year, because I wasn't 'good enough'

 

Generally, I am a different person, I've been in a lot of places..seen lots of different things. But no matter where I go...I don't fit in.

 

I just feel alone. No real family. Not a whole lot of friends. Just someone that is consumed by working to keep afloat in today's society.

 

I was on anti-depressants for a while, but then things got better...but lately. Things just seem to be getting worse. I honestly think it has something to do with winter.

 

I know I get a lot of shit around here for being emo or w/e, but it's just my natural state and idk how to really change it when I feel like I've done my best no matter where I've gone...but I just get thrown away.

 

I don't know the extent to which your psychologist/doctor has gone to actually figure out what's ailing you, but if it's not working, they need to keep trying new things. My grandmother had troubles for years and years and medical oversights/taking-the-easy-way-out prescriptions caused her doctors to not find something as simple as a nutrient deficiency until she was well into her seventies.

 

I don't know how common that is, so I'm not trying to make a guess or anything. It's just an example of something I've seen firsthand.

 

If you're still seeking treatment, hold your doctor responsible. This isn't something you can help, and its their duty to search high and low for what works, and I'm sure something will, eventually. The sad truth about some doctors is that they'll be lazy if you let them. Maybe yours is covering all the bases, I don't know, but if he/she isn't, call them on it.

 

I'm trying to think of some every day suggestions. I've had my moments of depressive thoughts, some bad stretches, but usually snap out of it.

 

I don't deal with suicidal thoughts all that often, but the only thing that really seems to keep me completely above water is getting enough sleep. If you're the kind of person who settles for 4-6 hours, like many of us, that's one suggestion I can make. Try getting 6-8 regularly, at least. See if being more well-rested makes any kind of difference.

 

Another thing is the classic "unplugging" that people seem to preach. It's nice, every now and then, to ignore technology for a little while. It reduces stimulants and, for me, seems to reduce any triggers I might have.

 

Anyway, I can't imagine what you're going through, ATL, but like everybody else here, I value your input at this site and think you're a good individual, and you definitely belong here. Keep on trucking and please keep exploring every avenue. If you do, you'll find something that helps you, eventually.

[FartWaffles 1,857]

at the same time, are you in better shape than she is?

I'm 6'1" and 175lbs.

 

She's probably put on 30+ pounds since we've been together. She complains about her weight all the time, and then proceeds to eat terribly and never workout. She will try every "fad" diet out there, and quit every single one of them within a week or two.

[BwareDWare94 723]

I'm 6'1" and 175lbs.

 

She's probably put on 30+ pounds since we've been together. She complains about her weight all the time, and then proceeds to eat terribly and never workout. She will try every "fad" diet out there, and quit every single one of them within a week or two.

 

Looks like you've got another reason to go.

 

If partners match up physically, both should have expectations of themselves to maintain their fitness level as long as their partner does.

That's not shallow, either. That's being a good partner.

Edited November 27, 2014 by BwareDWare94

[DonovanMcnabb for H.O.F 2,241]

Not really a confession, but a story about Joel and his secret baby mama.

 

 

I was "secretly" dating someone for the last two years, which ended on Friday when I graduated. Was secret because she holds an executive position in her sorority chapter on campus, and they have some policy about not dating guys who aren't in their brother fraternity (lol Greek Life).

 

Anyway, she wasn't the prettiest girl around (lone picture around of her and I together can be found if you do a quick mining through my facebook photos). But she was one of the few that would accept me despite the track record I along with my dread head ex-roommate/good friend developed freshmen and sophomore year of being assholes with a massive egos and tendencies to be promiscuous with girls. The trials of going to a small school.

 

She was also one of the few girls who respected my wishes to remain a virgin, despite her being a hardcore atheist... Or rather, whatever is left of my virginity. She was also one of the few girls who actually a real liberal arts student (or at least thought like one). Anyway, I could go on for days listing off reasons she was close to perfect, but that'd be a digression. Nobody really knows even now that it's over outside of my and her siblings, close friends, and TGP now.

 

Its weird though because I always ran away from commitments in College, but now being graduated, and being with someone for so long, IDK how I am supposed to move on. I don't miss her or anything, at least yet. But I hear about how some of my friends have gone all "Draking", or developing light-skinned tendencies (I kid I kid) after long relationship breakups and its got me tweaking at the thought of that happening to me.

 

 

Anyway, there's another confession from yours truly.

Edited December 17, 2014 by DonovanMcnabb for H.O.F

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

That preface made it sound like you knocked her up. Disappointed.

[Favre4Ever+ 4,476]

Why does it have to be over? You seem to really like her, and being with her, etc... Going opposite directions or did something else happen or... ?

[JetsFan4Life 542]

That preface made it sound like you knocked her up. Disappointed.

 

Yeah I was definitely expecting some sort of abortion story or something.

[BwareDWare94 723]

Yeah, it sounded like a knocked up kind of story and then there was the line about "preserving my virginity" and my first thought was, "well, that's a twist."

 

If you two make sense, why is it ending? I'm with these guys. At the same time, we obviously haven't heard all of the details.

 

The only thing that heals breakups is time, my friend. Be patient and just put forth a conscious effort to go about your day by day life.

[DonovanMcnabb for H.O.F 2,241]

We aren't dating anymore cause she doesn't want to hide it from her sisters anymore. Granted, I don't really think any of them don't already know... Anyway I don't blame her. And who am I kidding? I miss her- a lot. Lol. I don't know how y'all do it with this relationships stuff. >_>

[RazorStar 4,025]

relationships are for hopeless romantics.

 

Forever alone!

Edited December 20, 2014 by Favre4Ever

[Bucman 891]

Money over bitches

 

RazorStar USED A BANNED WORD AND FAVRE LIKED IT. WHY IS HE NOT BANNED! THE DOUBLE STANDARD IS REAL! Edited December 19, 2014 by Bucman

[BwareDWare94 723]

We aren't dating anymore cause she doesn't want to hide it from her sisters anymore. Granted, I don't really think any of them don't already know... Anyway I don't blame her. And who am I kidding? I miss her- a lot. Lol. I don't know how y'all do it with this relationships stuff. >_>

 

A lot of us don't. Every time I get into something that seems good, the reg flags start sprouting out of the girl's skin. My friends never like her, etc, etc. I've dated a grand total of maybe 4 months out of the last six and a half years.

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

relationships are for hopeless romantics.

 

Forever alone!

So we're doing this now?

Edited December 20, 2014 by Favre4Ever