Husband Sends Spreadsheet to Wife for Wife's Lack of Spreading

[seanbrock 1,684]

If you want to get married you should honestly be willing to have sex every day.

 

Pros to sex

1. It's good for you

2. Have a headache? After intercourse you won't anymore. Unless you like getting jackhammered into the headboard.

3. Best way to stay in shape

 

Cons to sex

1. There are no cons to sex.

lol epic

[southgadawg 52]

I seriously debated about whether to respond to this post or not...but being I am tired but still opinionated I figured I would just go ahead and post lol.

 

As one of the older posters on these forums and having been married for 12 years to my first wife and then 14 more to my second wife (and hopefully many many more) and knowing several couples in their 30's, 40's and 50's I can speak from experience when I say that sexual frequency can vary greatly in relationships. In fact even within the same relationship you may have a perfectly happy marriage but because of outside factors it might drop off from a few times a day to just a handful of times a month. But like I said those lulls in good relationships seem to be because of outside circumstances (such as too much work, too much stress etc). In a good relationship both parties have their own turns in initiating lovemaking (in other words it shouldn't be just the man starting things off). In a good relationship each person WANTS to please the other. It isn't so much about seek self satisfaction.

 

I will say three things though about the guy posting the spreadsheet:

1. he was not the smartest cookie for doing things that way.

2. he sure struck out a lot.

3. he seriously needs to learn to communicate in a positive manner with his spouse.

 

Hopefully all of you who are married have a great relationship with your spouse.

[Cherry 1,302]

 

Since I just found out that you're 15, I'm just not going to respond, lol. No offense to you, but you can't really accurately comment on this discussion.

Just because I'm 15 doesn't mean I don't know the effects of sex on a relationship. Edited July 20, 2014 by Chernobyl426

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

Just because I'm 15 doesn't mean I don't know the effects of sex on a relationship.

Yes, it most certainly does, haha. I'd have likely said the same thing at your age, so I understand feeling slighted at the notion that you're not old/experienced enough to contribute to a conversation. I wouldn't have guessed you're as young as you are, though, so that's something.

 

 

 

 

Reid's got it all figured out.

[seanbrock 1,684]

Honestly, if I don't get some head it's a problem and I put legit effort into pussy eating so idgf what anyone thinks about that point.If I didm't get some head in a month I'd definitely bring that shit up.

[Thanatos 2,847]

 

Fuck off, lol.

 

Dead serious. A friend of mine identifies as such. Sex is not the be-all and end-all of a relationship's healthiness.

 

Now in this case, when one party clearly wanted more sex than was being had, the simple answer is communication. And I don't mean by spreadsheet.

 

Honestly and openness are how you should, ideally, run a relationship, and honestly if you don't feel comfortable talking openly with your lady about the frequency of your sexy times, but you do think that the frequency is a problem, then that right there is an issue to me.

 

Be open and honest with your partner. If you can't, there are most likely more issues at play here.

[BwareDWare94 723]

In my experience, even though I've never been married, frequency of sex is most often tied to whether or not the man is willing to make sure his girl comes, too.

 

If you just want to get your rocks off, she's going to get frustrated. Why some men don't put this together is beyond me. If you make sure she orgasms, too, you'll probably get laid plenty. Maybe you don't last long enough to get it done in the actual act--that's why you have a tongue and fingers. Get that shit done. Take care of her, and she'll probably take care of you.

[seanbrock 1,684]

In my experience, even though I've never been married, frequency of sex is most often tied to whether or not the man is willing to make sure his girl comes, too.

 

If you just want to get your rocks off, she's going to get frustrated. Why some men don't put this together is beyond me. If you make sure she orgasms, too, you'll probably get laid plenty. Maybe you don't last long enough to get it done in the actual act--that's why you have a tongue and fingers. Get that shit done. Take care of her, and she'll probably take care of you.

Good point. Sometimes it's on the woman too because a lot of women are afraid to let guys know what the like, but a lot of times the guy really just wants to get his nut off.

[BC 331]

I don't think anyone has an obligation to have any amount of sex at any rate. When I get to marriage 3 times a month probably wouldn't be my ideal choice either if we're both healthy and young and stuff. I don't think the number can be dictated. Everything else in marriage is a compromise and there is no set proper or improper way to decide about all the other loving choices married couples make either. They all have to be decided upon with respectful regard for each other or the love isn't staying true, imo.

[ATL_Predator+ 1,196]

I feel like all the non-verbal times should also be a Yes.

[BwareDWare94 723]

I don't think anyone has an obligation to have any amount of sex at any rate. When I get to marriage 3 times a month probably wouldn't be my ideal choice either if we're both healthy and young and stuff. I don't think the number can be dictated. Everything else in marriage is a compromise and there is no set proper or improper way to decide about all the other loving choices married couples make either. They all have to be decided upon with respectful regard for each other or the love isn't staying true, imo.

Sure, but should sex be a compromise? I would assume that two people who get married want to have sex with each other...

 

Don't let her hold it over your head. Put forth your best effort and make sure she enjoys it every time. If it gets to the point where it's just you getting off, it's going to go south to 3 out of 27 territory.

[Omerta+ 1,206]

Sex is a pleasure, not a duty. If he has a legitimate issue with how often him and his wife have it, he needs to put more effort in or talk to her face to face.

 

Unfortunately, I am nowhere near as nice as Zack.

 

This is the kind of bullshit Zack, Sean, and now myself are talking about. I like how you used the word HE needs to put more effort in. Well fuck, it looked like he put in effort 27 times and she reciprocated 11 % of the time. Who really needs to put in more effort ? That whole statement was stupid from start to finish.

 

Now to the rest of TGP with an active sex life and who have been in relationships. I wont say it is a duty necessarily, more of an implied task. When you get into a serious relationship and have had either enough time or experience to have learned what you want from it, sex is usually pretty high up there. I have never personally met a couple that was in a decent relationship that did not have sex often.

 

Now as to the whole "which came first" thing, nobody knows with these two. I will say from experience and watching others the two biggest detriments to things in a relationship is usually sex and money. So to withhold one of those while your partner is still holding up there end of the deal is wrong. What I meant by holding up their end of the deal is apparently they are still making you feel desirable, and that you are loved. To shut that down and wonder why someone would become pissed is stupidity on the other persons fault.

 

Call me crazy but I think she is the one in the wrong here, I know I am a terrible misogynist. He was being a dufus when sending her something like that, because honestly if she isn't putting out that isn't helping your cause. That said she posted it ON THE FUCKING INTERNET. I mean she is probably the bitch that airs her dirty laundry on Facebook to get group support from all of the chicks who will blindly support her instead of calling bullshit on her.

 

This whole situation is stupid but it was precipitated by her and thanks to Chernobyl we all got a pretty good glance at what the fuck baseless gender bias looks like. He has the excuse of being young and not knowing what he is talking about. The excuses for the rest of the country is not so easy to come by.

[Favre4Ever+ 4,476]

Lmao at telling somebody you want to have sex constituting as 'putting in effort'.

[Omerta+ 1,206]

Lmao at telling somebody you want to have sex constituting as 'putting in effort'.

 

She knows she is desirable and that he still wants her. Most women I know and have been with say that having a man that wants them and makes them feel sexy is key.

 

Then take into account that they both have professional careers and he is trying to make time and get her off the couch is putting in effort to keep intimacy alive is effort imo. And looking at the log off when he asked he did not ask everyday, which could mean they were either both busy or he himself.so yeah I think he showed more effort than she did.

[Cherry 1,302]

 

Unfortunately, I am nowhere near as nice as Zack.

 

This is the kind of bullshit Zack, Sean, and now myself are talking about. I like how you used the word HE needs to put more effort in. Well fuck, it looked like he put in effort 27 times and she reciprocated 11 % of the time. Who really needs to put in more effort ? That whole statement was stupid from start to finish.

 

Now to the rest of TGP with an active sex life and who have been in relationships. I wont say it is a duty necessarily, more of an implied task. When you get into a serious relationship and have had either enough time or experience to have learned what you want from it, sex is usually pretty high up there. I have never personally met a couple that was in a decent relationship that did not have sex often.

 

Now as to the whole "which came first" thing, nobody knows with these two. I will say from experience and watching others the two biggest detriments to things in a relationship is usually sex and money. So to withhold one of those while your partner is still holding up there end of the deal is wrong. What I meant by holding up their end of the deal is apparently they are still making you feel desirable, and that you are loved. To shut that down and wonder why someone would become pissed is stupidity on the other persons fault.

 

Call me crazy but I think she is the one in the wrong here, I know I am a terrible misogynist. He was being a dufus when sending her something like that, because honestly if she isn't putting out that isn't helping your cause. That said she posted it ON THE FUCKING INTERNET. I mean she is probably the bitch that airs her dirty laundry on Facebook to get group support from all of the chicks who will blindly support her instead of calling bullshit on her.

 

This whole situation is stupid but it was precipitated by her and thanks to Chernobyl we all got a pretty good glance at what the fuck baseless gender bias looks like. He has the excuse of being young and not knowing what he is talking about. The excuses for the rest of the country is not so easy to come by.

I'm not blindly supporting her. She was in the wrong to post the spreadsheet online and make it public knowledge. The guy was in the wrong to be an asshole going about approaching his wife that they hadn't had sex lately. Both parties are at fault, but for different things.

 

When I said that HE needs to put more effort in, I mean that he should do more than simply, "Hey..How about tonight?" Women usually want to see effort, and you can play the age card but the same shit applies here. If a guy isn't actively trying to make the woman happy too, she'll say fuck off to your happiness.

 

We don't know the exact amount of "effort" he put into each of the 27 times, so we can't tell exactly when he "should've" had sex. It's all about the right situation at the right time, not every night, like some of you would like.

 

Say the situation is reversed. The woman is pissed that the man won't have sex, but he might be tired or busy all of the time. You'd defend saying shit like, "Oh he has to put food on the table," and, "he is working hard and when he gets home he is exhausted." You are a misogynist. If you believe she is in the wrong because she shared the spreadsheet, fine. If you believe she is in the wrong because she won't fuck her husband more often? You are exactly what you sarcastically claimed yourself to be.

 

It was precipitated by her? If you mean the ENTIRE situation including the lack of sex between her and her husband, you've really gone off the deep end. The couples who see sex as a job already have some issues going on. That's when it wouldn't be enjoyable for both parties, and that's a problem. Instead of talking it out and finding a good medium, he sends her a passive-aggressive spreadsheet because he doesn't know how to handle his relationship maturely.

 

Baseless gender bias? Is that you claiming that I'm wrong because you think I'm biased towards women or because you just don't agree with me? Age card again! Yes, I don't have the same relationship experience as most of you but what I do have I understand that a relationship needs both parties to agree and meet at a happy in between spot. It's the same concept on a larger scale. If the woman were to do the same as the guy, I'd back the guy.

[Omerta+ 1,206]

I'm not blindly supporting her. She was in the wrong to post the spreadsheet online and make it public knowledge. The guy was in the wrong to be an asshole going about approaching his wife that they hadn't had sex lately. Both parties are at fault, but for different things.

 

When I said that HE needs to put more effort in, I mean that he should do more than simply, "Hey..How about tonight?" Women usually want to see effort, and you can play the age card but the same shit applies here. If a guy isn't actively trying to make the woman happy too, she'll say fuck off to your happiness.

 

We don't know the exact amount of "effort" he put into each of the 27 times, so we can't tell exactly when he "should've" had sex. It's all about the right situation at the right time, not every night, like some of you would like.

 

Say the situation is reversed. The woman is pissed that the man won't have sex, but he might be tired or busy all of the time. You'd defend saying shit like, "Oh he has to put food on the table," and, "he is working hard and when he gets home he is exhausted." You are a misogynist. If you believe she is in the wrong because she shared the spreadsheet, fine. If you believe she is in the wrong because she won't fuck her husband more often? You are exactly what you sarcastically claimed yourself to be.

 

It was precipitated by her? If you mean the ENTIRE situation including the lack of sex between her and her husband, you've really gone off the deep end. The couples who see sex as a job already have some issues going on. That's when it wouldn't be enjoyable for both parties, and that's a problem. Instead of talking it out and finding a good medium, he sends her a passive-aggressive spreadsheet because he doesn't know how to handle his relationship maturely.

 

Baseless gender bias? Is that you claiming that I'm wrong because you think I'm biased towards women or because you just don't agree with me? Age card again! Yes, I don't have the same relationship experience as most of you but what I do have I understand that a relationship needs both parties to agree and meet at a happy in between spot. It's the same concept on a larger scale. If the woman were to do the same as the guy, I'd back the guy.

 

Exactly, we dont know how much effort he put into it, so why does she get the benefit of the doubt that he put in none ? Lets say he put in effort just half the time and the other half he didn't. Seeing as there is two people I am just going to assume that the truth is in the middle. He would probably say he did she would probably say that he never did. If he put in effort half of a month for 15 times and is still walking away with only getting nookie 3 times, that says a lot about her. I just think it crazy that in a story with few facts she is the one that gets the benefit of the doubt. I haven't read anybody but 2 other people who think there might actually be some credibility to his side of the story as well.

 

The guy is an asshole for approaching his wife for not having sex ? I think he has a reason to ask a few questions, how do you not ? Now if you mean the way he went about it then yes. The way he went about it was dumb. Now considering he kept it between him and his wife, he is still dumb. That said, posting this on the internet was not even more dumb ? I think it is infinitely more stupid because things like that are things that can only be solved by the two people in the relationship. Why the need to involve more people.

 

I would actually be far more critical on a man if he were the one denying sex. So now I would not make those excuses for him like he is the bread winner or what have you. I would probably wonder if he was crazy.

 

No the sex thing I don't think was COMPLETELY precipitated by her. I think she shoulders a lot of it if we are assuming the blame should be 50/50 and why should it not ? I think the fact that this went viral and that people are talking about this is completely precipitated by her, because she was the one who decided this could only be fixed on the interwebs.

 

Yes it was a baseless gender bias. Why is it you gave her the benefit of the doubt that he put in no effort ? Why do we just immediately assume that ? Have you read the comments ? Hardly anybody stops and thinks well this could be both of their faults on why there not having sex ? No, they just assume that he is some prick (which he could be) that expects a throwback relationship in the 40's and 50's where the man called the shots. They never stop to think maybe she actually is frigid. Then you say she is frigid and people automatically say, "Oh, well he made her that way!" Again, lets just go ahead and assume its his fault.

 

I am no misogynist. I just think that if we are trying to achieve equality among everyone ( I fully support the notion) then why is it we are still unequally assigning blame to him ? Anybody ?

 

If you are in a relationship then as it has been said by Southgadawg, both people should WANT to do it as often as time really permits to please their partner. Great post by the way dawg. Again I am only going to give him half credit saying he put in effort half the time. If both were putting in effort then at least a 1/3rd to 1/2th the time they should be wearing out the box springs. I mean, am I really out of line saying that once every few days if they are in a relationship she is willing to cry over that they should be having sex ? God forbid someone say that though. I also agree with the fact that if he were to end it over this, or her, I would think it is probably the best course of action. To be honest, neither are impressing me with how intelligent they are so making babies is maybe something they should both find smarter partners for.

[southgadawg 52]

The truth is we don't know all the details and in all likely hood there are issues with both partners in this example. However one of the things I would like to expand on is the communication issue that appears to be lacking and a possible idea on how to approach it.

 

Way back to the second denial where she said she wanted to take a shower but didn't. Some possible responses would to be actual volunteer to shower with her and soap her body....not necessarily even saying it, but getting the towels and washcloths ready and running the shower before he suggested it. Actions often speak louder with a woman than words (but actions they should be comfortable with). Another response could had been telling her that she is sexy when she is sweating. Ways that give her a positive reinforcements that she is desirable and wanted go way more than just saying something about 'hey baby, you want to have sex tonight?" (not saying that is what he did, just giving an example).

 

After a couple of denials at night then greet her the next day with gentle kisses and tell her how much she means to him before approaching the subject without being accusing. If it is important to a person then it shouldn't take several days of an issue to at least gently bringing the topic up (and again we don't know all the factors or what happened.).

 

I just think that there were so many things wrong in the situation that were given that both people needed to devote themselves to each other more. Even if you are married doesn't mean that a woman doesn't want to be courted and wooed. They like being the center of attention and although some might not admit it there are times us men like for a woman to do the same for us.