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Mental Health Discussion

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Ok, so until my posts stop disappearing...

 

The tl;dr version was that mental illness isn't the same thing as undesirable behavior. People can and do behave in any number of ways for any number of reasons. There are so many of us, and there are so many ways to get through each individual environment, odds are there are going to be people who engage in behavior that others disagree with. Doesn't mean they are mentally ill. To clarify, mentally ill people can do awful things, but how a behavior presents is very complex and comes down to more than just mental health. Even with people who aren't mentally ill doing these things, it's too complex to just narrow it down to a single factor. There's a lot going on with literally everything a person does.

 

From my discussions with my doctors, it's widely believed that pathological mental health issues arise from neurological impairments, irregularities, or dysfunction. It's still difficult to study a live human brain, but there's some good research about it. Here are some good links:

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2570029/ < related to mood disorders (depression, bipolar)

 

https://neurology.duke.edu/about/news/research-finds-brain-receptor-acts-switch-ocd-symptoms < OCD

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK223456/ < Schizophrenia

 

I personally think mental illness is a stigmatizing term. People will treat those with the label like they are sick, rather than people who don't process information as efficiently or rationally. Also, medicine is a tricky issue. Some doctors prescribe it without a second thought, while others are a lot more practical about how they hand it out. It can have major side effects, the withdrawal is very dangerous, and often times people will report little to no change in symptoms. The key is that everyone has to find a way to cope with their experiences, and for a large enough amount of people, medicine is not the way. It irritates me to no end when people insist on others taking meds without any regard for how that medicine affects them or how it makes them feel. Sometimes, people's life circumstances can look like mental health issues, but there are none present, and they get stuck on medication patterns for extended periods of time. It also happens that someone with mental health issues doesn't benefit at all from medication.

 

Hope this helps. This is for general discussion, but if anyone has any questions, I'll do my best to answer them.

 

Edit2: I posted this and it also came as blank. I planned for that, and had ctrl+c'd everything, so editing the blank post and pasting this in worked. Still no idea what's going on.

 

Edit3: I don't know how many people even need to do this, but feel free to just vent (as I did). It's my experience that getting thoughts out of my head at all can completely disarm them and make me feel better, so maybe it'll work for others as well.

Edited by OSUViking
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This is just a rant. I'm going to preface this by saying that I have looked at my alternatives, and the best course of action (i.e., the one that gets me out of college and into the work force ASAP) is to be consistent with the path I'm on now. But I just need to vent. This may seem like an emotional rant (and may make you question why I say I'm not "emotional" down below), but truthfully if I don't vent this I would end up just making my sister cry by digging into whatever insecurity is bothering her the most this fine evening.

 

I'm visiting my dad and so is my sister. He had a major head injury and isn't the same, but it's almost pleasant because he is a lot less taxing to be around. He is a man of few words, not emotionally demanding, and my conversations with him are pleasant. Basically, he's low maintenance despite his impairments.

Edit: To clarify, I am pretty sure my dad has always been like this. I've had my suspicions for years now. I think that his head injury has A) made it more difficult for him to mask those aspects of him and B) given him an "excuse" to be more blunt, terse, etc. I don't mind it at all.

 

But my sister is a different story. We are worlds apart. I have told both of my sisters and my mom at this point that I'm not emotional, and that I'm not going to pretend to be because I don't have the energy. My dad is ok with this, and they all insist that they are as well, but their actions speak differently. I have a morbid sense of humor; it's one of the ways I cope with the barrage of disturbing thoughts I experience. I tried saying a few in my sister's presence, and she complained that they made her uncomfortable. I explained that they helped me a lot, and she did not care. I cannot say anything around her; literally every word that comes out around her has to be filtered because she's so goddamn sensitive. And she is very clearly upset that I am not an emotional person; she is very passive aggressive because she thinks I'm unappreciative towards my dad (though I've talked with my dad about his perception of the situation, and he could not care less).

 

I have been very paranoid and on edge the last few days. I am convinced she has been filtering information to my mom about my behavior, and that I am going to get "reprimanded" (whatever that means, but I'm convinced it will happen) by my mom as soon as I get home through some passive aggressive text message or phone call. I came into this expecting to enjoy seeing her, but at this point I'm wondering how I even lived with her for 15 or so years. It's walking on eggshells at every point when I'm around her. It's like this with my mom, and to a degree my other sister. They are going to be talking about how I'm an ungrateful, selfish piece of shit, I'm just sure of it. Like I said, my best course of action is to just stay on this path. I just need to vent. Because if I told them off, there goes any financial support. I have tried explaining myself to them before about how I'm not actually selfish, I have spent the last 10 or so years accommodating their emotional needs to avoid trouble, and that now I simply don't have the energy to do so. But despite their assurances, they clearly are offended by who I am naturally at this point.

 

I fucking hate holidays. I have never felt this tempted to go down the nearest and most potent bottle of liquor. I don't like drinking either, but it's so tempting. I have had a lot of thoughts about just jumping off the balcony or going onto the light rail track nearby and laying there just to get it fucking over with. No intent, but I usually only have thoughts like these when I'm stressed or having a really bad time. Outside of my dad at this point (mostly because he's just been very laid back), I could not care less about my family. I do not connect with them at all. I've spent most of my life shitting on myself for being ungrateful and selfish for not feeling a connection with them, but I think this trip has pushed me further towards "I do not give a fuck, it is what it is". Maybe I'll calm down, but honestly I was somewhat dreading that this would happen. It's nice having her because it gives my dad and his fiance someone to talk to when they are feeling talkative, but outside of that what could have been a relaxing trip to Dallas has basically been me putting in a large amount of energy just to keep her from being unpleasant.

 

Again, just a rant cause these thoughts have been troubling me.

Edited by OSUViking
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I plan on digging into this discussion tomorrow after festivities have died down. Thank you for starting this thread

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OSU, I'm in the same boat for different reasons and I made the decision not to go back for the holidays.

 

Just because your family is blood does not mean you owe them anything. Stay out of a toxic environment if its going to be that bad for you.

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OSU, I'm in the same boat for different reasons and I made the decision not to go back for the holidays.

 

Just because your family is blood does not mean you owe them anything. Stay out of a toxic environment if its going to be that bad for you.

 

That's the plan once I get out of college and my mom doesn't pay my rent. I only have three semesters left at most which is only a year and a half. Forgoing that assistance would push back my graduation at least two years (meaning, instead of a year and a half, it would probably be 3 and a half years building up enough funds for rent and tuition). Staying in college that long would be just as toxic as this, but would last longer. Unless it gets unbearably awful, as in I constantly think about killing myself around them and only want to scream at them, I think I can manage that. But afterwards? They'll see me on my terms. I 100% think my mom is petty enough to take away her financial support because I don't meet her or my sister's expectations for what a good son/brother is.

 

My sister was talking about her boyfriend popping the question once he gets more income with his new job and how she would have her wedding and shit. I was smiling and saying hopeful things for her, but internally it was just a bunch of "lol nope" about that situation. (At the same time, I'd imagine it would be funny seeing the BF's reaction upon realizing his GF's brother is as different from her as it can get... lol.)

Edited by OSUViking

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I'm alone on Christmas, so this is a perfect time for me to talk about 2 things that have really bothered me and made things difficult for me. One is fairly recent, the other is something I've dealt with my entire life. I'll start with that one.

 

I've never been able to figure out why, but I have this weird thing where I always want to be around other people... and then as soon as I am, I want to be alone again. I think this is why I like Kid Cudi's music so much. I've gathered from a lot of his lyrics and reading about his life that he has a similar thing that happens to him. I am not a 100% introvert... as I said, I long for the company of other people. But it's just exhausting. And there are some days when I really just can't or don't want to be around other people.

 

People in my life have seen this in me and how it affects me. Many do their best to understand, but it's hard for them. As you might imagine, the thought of being with someone else as in a serious girlfriend or wife kinda freaks me out. I've tried to get deep with girls before, but I always end up perceiving a lack of privacy and alone time. And nearly every time I would tell a girlfriend, "I just want to be alone... I'll see you tomorrow." They either think I am seeing someone else or that I'm not really into them at all. Both of those messages are false and not at all what I wish to communicate. And so the cycle continues. They usually lose interest, and I do nothing to try to keep them.

 

It's even worse for me as a teacher. I love teaching, and I wouldn't do it if I thought this thing hinders it. I am sure that it doesn't. Other teachers have described me as energetic and passionate. I'm glad it seems that way. What I usually do is teach all day and then run home and lock myself away in my apartment the rest of the day. That alone time is soothing. I spend all of my social power on teaching the lessons and answering questions. But when the bell rings, I'm cooked. I rarely make time to do things with my friends or girls after work. I just head home, make myself something to eat, and chill until the next day. I truly envy the people who can work all day and then go right to the bar or out to do something, even though I shouldn't.

 

I've gotten better at dealing with this as the years have passed. I think I started noticing this when I was about 14 or so. I'm 28 now... so I've had this for half of my life and all of my adult life. Sometimes it's easier, sometimes it's harder. I can have days or even weeks at a time when I'm an absolute social butterfly... but then in a moment's notice, I'm like... oh shit, I feel horrible, I need to be alone for a while. I hate always leaving parties early or making up excuses about why I have to go home.

 

It's been about 6 months since my last relationship. Here at the start of the New Year I'm going to give it another shot. Every time I do, I learn something about this and how to make it easier to deal with. One of these days I am going to nail it. I just have to find someone who is 100% supportive of my need to have time to myself. I think perhaps I'll have to find someone who also feels the need to have alone time. Then Ill never have to explain myself or give off the wrong ideas.

 

The 2nd thing is a lot less serious, and also a lot more recent. A lot of people have problems getting to sleep. I know I'm nothing special in that regard. But I really tried everything. I'm always an active person, so getting more exercise wasn't an option. I eat a way healthier diet now, and I've lost weight. I tried melatonin... it works for a lot of people, but it did nothing for me. I've tried herbal teas and reading and warm milk. Most things you could come up with, I've tried.

 

I got really desperate eventually and went to see a dr. here in Colombia. She told me I needed something to calm my mind before bed, and she told me to go to the drug store and buy Amitriptyline. She said I should start by cutting the 25mg tablet in half for a week before beginning to take the entire tablet. I thought what the heck, maybe she was just being too cautious. She wasn't. This stuff is strong as hell when you first start taking it.

 

I did sleep very well that first night... too well. I almost fell asleep standing up in class the next day. I went home to read about Amitriptyline and found that it is an old antidepressant, usually sold under the name Elavil. For the purposes of being an antidepressant, it is given in much larger doses, usually 150mg per night.

 

But I've been taking 25mg a night for the past 3 months, and I do feel a lot better overall. Not only do I sleep well now, but I also feel better all around. I find I'm less stressed out about small stuff, and it even helps me accept and work around the first issue I talked about more easily. It's amazing that you can buy this over the counter in Colombia. I've never tried it nor do I think I want to, but the 150mg dose sounds interesting.

 

And its super cheap. I get 30 tablets of 25mg Amitriptyline for 6.000 COP, which is $2.00 in U.S. money. 2 bucks for a month's supply of something that has really helped me out a lot. I'm pretty sure you need a prescription for this in the U.S. unfortunately, or I'd tell you guys to try it. At the dose I take, you don't feel any high really... ok maybe for the first few weeks. But it just helps take the edge off of the normal stress that happens in life, especially taken 2-3 hours before bed.

 

I don't have anything else to write for now... just venting, but I'm interested in any comments.

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I'm alone on Christmas, so this is a perfect time for me to talk about 2 things that have really bothered me and made things difficult for me. One is fairly recent, the other is something I've dealt with my entire life. I'll start with that one.

 

I've never been able to figure out why, but I have this weird thing where I always want to be around other people... and then as soon as I am, I want to be alone again. I think this is why I like Kid Cudi's music so much. I've gathered from a lot of his lyrics and reading about his life that he has a similar thing that happens to him. I am not a 100% introvert... as I said, I long for the company of other people. But it's just exhausting. And there are some days when I really just can't or don't want to be around other people.

 

People in my life have seen this in me and how it affects me. Many do their best to understand, but it's hard for them. As you might imagine, the thought of being with someone else as in a serious girlfriend or wife kinda freaks me out. I've tried to get deep with girls before, but I always end up perceiving a lack of privacy and alone time. And nearly every time I would tell a girlfriend, "I just want to be alone... I'll see you tomorrow." They either think I am seeing someone else or that I'm not really into them at all. Both of those messages are false and not at all what I wish to communicate. And so the cycle continues. They usually lose interest, and I do nothing to try to keep them.

 

It's even worse for me as a teacher. I love teaching, and I wouldn't do it if I thought this thing hinders it. I am sure that it doesn't. Other teachers have described me as energetic and passionate. I'm glad it seems that way. What I usually do is teach all day and then run home and lock myself away in my apartment the rest of the day. That alone time is soothing. I spend all of my social power on teaching the lessons and answering questions. But when the bell rings, I'm cooked. I rarely make time to do things with my friends or girls after work. I just head home, make myself something to eat, and chill until the next day. I truly envy the people who can work all day and then go right to the bar or out to do something, even though I shouldn't.

 

I've gotten better at dealing with this as the years have passed. I think I started noticing this when I was about 14 or so. I'm 28 now... so I've had this for half of my life and all of my adult life. Sometimes it's easier, sometimes it's harder. I can have days or even weeks at a time when I'm an absolute social butterfly... but then in a moment's notice, I'm like... oh shit, I feel horrible, I need to be alone for a while. I hate always leaving parties early or making up excuses about why I have to go home.

 

It's been about 6 months since my last relationship. Here at the start of the New Year I'm going to give it another shot. Every time I do, I learn something about this and how to make it easier to deal with. One of these days I am going to nail it. I just have to find someone who is 100% supportive of my need to have time to myself. I think perhaps I'll have to find someone who also feels the need to have alone time. Then Ill never have to explain myself or give off the wrong ideas.

 

I'm dealing with something similar with my girlfriend, though I don't have the urge to socialize with anyone (except for a select few friends and my girlfriend). I've tried to explain that some days I just can't be around anyone, else it'll end up being like the situation I described above where I'll get extremely impatient and testy with them. I don't enjoy this aspect of me, because it definitely makes it hard for me to relate to people and enjoy their company.

 

It's a struggle. Very few people understand. Thanks for sharing this.

 

The 2nd thing is a lot less serious, and also a lot more recent. A lot of people have problems getting to sleep. I know I'm nothing special in that regard. But I really tried everything. I'm always an active person, so getting more exercise wasn't an option. I eat a way healthier diet now, and I've lost weight. I tried melatonin... it works for a lot of people, but it did nothing for me. I've tried herbal teas and reading and warm milk. Most things you could come up with, I've tried.

 

I got really desperate eventually and went to see a dr. here in Colombia. She told me I needed something to calm my mind before bed, and she told me to go to the drug store and buy Amitriptyline. She said I should start by cutting the 25mg tablet in half for a week before beginning to take the entire tablet. I thought what the heck, maybe she was just being too cautious. She wasn't. This stuff is strong as hell when you first start taking it.

 

I did sleep very well that first night... too well. I almost fell asleep standing up in class the next day. I went home to read about Amitriptyline and found that it is an old antidepressant, usually sold under the name Elavil. For the purposes of being an antidepressant, it is given in much larger doses, usually 150mg per night.

 

But I've been taking 25mg a night for the past 3 months, and I do feel a lot better overall. Not only do I sleep well now, but I also feel better all around. I find I'm less stressed out about small stuff, and it even helps me accept and work around the first issue I talked about more easily. It's amazing that you can buy this over the counter in Colombia. I've never tried it nor do I think I want to, but the 150mg dose sounds interesting.

 

And its super cheap. I get 30 tablets of 25mg Amitriptyline for 6.000 COP, which is $2.00 in U.S. money. 2 bucks for a month's supply of something that has really helped me out a lot. I'm pretty sure you need a prescription for this in the U.S. unfortunately, or I'd tell you guys to try it. At the dose I take, you don't feel any high really... ok maybe for the first few weeks. But it just helps take the edge off of the normal stress that happens in life, especially taken 2-3 hours before bed.

 

I don't have anything else to write for now... just venting, but I'm interested in any comments.

 

Something similar happened when I was first prescribed anti-psychotics. They almost doubled as sleeping pills for me. But I'd be so damn tired throughout the day. I eventually got on a medication that was a lot easier for me to stay on without hating getting through the day. It's actually interesting that people (even in the US) give older generation psychiatric meds to help with things like this. Glad you found something that helped, though. Inconsistent sleep has been one of the main things that affects me.

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I'm dealing with something similar with my girlfriend, though I don't have the urge to socialize with anyone (except for a select few friends and my girlfriend). I've tried to explain that some days I just can't be around anyone, else it'll end up being like the situation I described above where I'll get extremely impatient and testy with them. I don't enjoy this aspect of me, because it definitely makes it hard for me to relate to people and enjoy their company.

 

It's a struggle. Very few people understand. Thanks for sharing this.

 

 

 

What happens to me is I get very quiet and just kinda of withdraw into a shell. Then someone inevitably asks me why I'm being so quiet or what's wrong. I usually tell them please don't take it personally, but I really just want to be alone. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just how I am. Many people understand when I choose my words well, but some don't.

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What happens to me is I get very quiet and just kinda of withdraw into a shell. Then someone inevitably asks me why I'm being so quiet or what's wrong. I usually tell them please don't take it personally, but I really just want to be alone. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just how I am. Many people understand when I choose my words well, but some don't.

 

Yeah, suppose it would have been more appropriate to say that's what happens on bad days. I do this as well. I went to get drinks with some people with work and it was all I did all day. I only stayed for two hours and left at 9:30, whereas they stayed until 1:30 AM. I was pretty involved at first, but shit got so loud at the bar and I got so detached that I stopped talking altogether. I still enjoyed myself.

 

Do you ever enjoy yourself despite being quiet? Sometimes I'll have to reassure people that I'm having a good time despite my body language not showing it.

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My girlfriend and I broke up. We hadn't seen each other for so long over break, we both realized we weren't invested anymore. It's unfortunate, but it is what it is.

 

On a somewhat related note, I have felt paranoid and somewhat delusional in general. It seems very easy for me to start getting into some suspect ideas. I've caught myself but these last few days have been difficult.

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If you have the knowledge that you can become paranoid and delusional, then you also have the knowledge that what you're perceiving isn't accurate, and therefore the power is in your hands. The best thing you can do for the foreseeable future here, in my opinion, is make sure you're getting enough sleep. In my opinion the vast majority of the issues we all suffer from upstairs, be they small things that are undiagnosed or known conditions, are mostly driven by our tendency to partake in perpetual exhaustion. Get some sleep. Read some books. Stay away from checking your phone too often.

As stoic philosophy mandates, control what you can control. And if you'll allow me to add something to those words of wisdom--control what you can control so you can gain control of the fact that there are things you can't control.

Head up, eyes forward, knowledge of your friends and their interest in your well being in mind, try to move forward.

Edited by BwareDWare94
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Appreciate the advice man. Uncharted waters for me.

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Hey OSU, sorry I'm so late on this stuff, but let me ust say one thing. I don't know if it will help but the blood of the covenant is strong than the water of the womb. If your family is grating on your nerves this much, let them know. Let them know and give them an ultimatum that their actions are causing you grief and if they don't adjust then you don't need them in your life.

 

Have you thought about working a part time job while you're in college? it may be tough and stressful, but building up a little nest egg for yourself in case something drastic happens with your family situation may not be a bad plan.

 

The path to happiness starts with a few simple words. "Fuck it, not my problem."

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I hope it doesn't seem that I'm posting here for nothing but attention. I stop myself from talking to people about this stuff outside of my doctors because I don't want it to seem like that, and basically I will shit on myself without mercy for days or weeks if I do open up. I do it here because there are few ramifications, outside of a few people possibly being able to expose these things to people I know. I'd imagine you guys aren't like that, hence why it feels safer here.

 

Things have been good. The managers at work think I'd be a great replacement when they graduate, so I applied. I've been doing well in classes and I actually enjoy all of them for once. I'm pretty far ahead in them.

 

Yet starting last night I've had horrible thoughts. Constantly thinking about killing myself. No intent, for now, but it's an endless barrage of thoughts of blowing my brains out or shoving a knife deep into my wrist and yanking it around. I can vividly imagine what that last one feels like. All these thoughts while I'm smiling and having conversations and whatnot.

 

These things happen. It's the way it is right now. In a week maybe I'll feel better, I don't know. For two days or so I genuinely felt gooood, but it was such a sudden drop off that it caught me off guard... In a major way. Disregard at will if you choose, feels better just getting this shit out of my head.

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I am glad you feel as though we are worthy of opening up too, and I am glad that class and work are going well. It is not good to hear about your suicidal thoughts though. I gave you an up rep for your honesty not approval of your thoughts. I hope you are feeling better. You are good kid/man and I think you have a lot to offer your community and it would terrible if you deprived the world of its most valuable resource. Young talent.

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If you haven't called them already, please notify your doctor right away that you are having these thoughts. He or she would want to know. Especially if there's a compulsive element to them. They might very well tell you to come in.

You can obviously control the compulsions and you ultimately decide what happens, but don't try to tell yourself that you can control the thoughts. There is something going on that you can't just shut off like a valve. The more you tell your doctor the more options they have for treatment. Please tell him or her, and please, please, please, keep us updated here on the site. You are scared of opening up about it because, like every other sufferer of depression, at your lowest points you are convinced you are a burden to others. That is simply not true.

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I hope it doesn't seem that I'm posting here for nothing but attention. I stop myself from talking to people about this stuff outside of my doctors because I don't want it to seem like that, and basically I will shit on myself without mercy for days or weeks if I do open up. I do it here because there are few ramifications, outside of a few people possibly being able to expose these things to people I know. I'd imagine you guys aren't like that, hence why it feels safer here.

 

Things have been good. The managers at work think I'd be a great replacement when they graduate, so I applied. I've been doing well in classes and I actually enjoy all of them for once. I'm pretty far ahead in them.

 

Yet starting last night I've had horrible thoughts. Constantly thinking about killing myself. No intent, for now, but it's an endless barrage of thoughts of blowing my brains out or shoving a knife deep into my wrist and yanking it around. I can vividly imagine what that last one feels like. All these thoughts while I'm smiling and having conversations and whatnot.

 

These things happen. It's the way it is right now. In a week maybe I'll feel better, I don't know. For two days or so I genuinely felt gooood, but it was such a sudden drop off that it caught me off guard... In a major way. Disregard at will if you choose, feels better just getting this shit out of my head.

I've been there man.

 

The saying an idle mind is the devil's playground is so true. I remember so many nights where I felt like killing myself or killing my ex fiance for all the shit that happened.

 

What I'm about to say is harder to actually execute but you have to do something to keep your mind remotely active. Whether it's playing playstation, going for a walk, talking to a person that's close to you in your life.

 

You are your own worst enemy and the only way out is to stay active. I was on the Paxil and Zoloft shit but at the end of the day those things fucked me up more than they helped me in the long run.

 

Finding new things to do was my sanity. It's tough, but you have to do it otherwise you're a severe detriment to yourself.

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I've been there man.

 

The saying an idle mind is the devil's playground is so true. I remember so many nights where I felt like killing myself or killing my ex fiance for all the shit that happened.

 

What I'm about to say is harder to actually execute but you have to do something to keep your mind remotely active. Whether it's playing playstation, going for a walk, talking to a person that's close to you in your life.

 

You are your own worst enemy and the only way out is to stay active. I was on the Paxil and Zoloft shit but at the end of the day those things fucked me up more than they helped me in the long run.

 

Finding new things to do was my sanity. It's tough, but you have to do it otherwise you're a severe detriment to yourself.

I was thinking this played a part. I am in several classes that are making me use creativity and problem solving skills on a daily basis. I have work to help keep me somewhat occupied for four hours.

 

Saturday I didn't have anything. I had nothing to do. Even playing Xbox I could feel those thoughts biting at the back of my head. I've been feeling good overall lately. I guess consistent is more appropriate. These last two days were a rough patch. All the positive things people said to me at work became fuel for paranoia and suspicion.

 

I appreciate the responses. I do have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow and was planning on sharing with them what I've shared now. There's something a bit different sharing these things with peers than doctors, if that makes sense, but I tell them everything that is relevant.

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Definitely do not follow PE's advice, which goes without saying.

 

Do go see a doctor or at least call them and see what they say.

 

If you ever need to talk to someone bro, you can send me a message, I'm around here a lot, even if not looking at the forums generally have a tab open.

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I am nothing but a severely flawed human being. What I have to offer though is this... Through experience, some of the wisest and most profound words are the simplest.

I would never pretend to know exactly how you are feeling -- and maybe it's hard to imagine today.... hard to imagine right now, in this moment... But you won't always feel this way. I believe that. Just know that we are all with you. You are never alone.

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You telling him not to go see a doctor is what is out of line. You can troll all you want, but you mess with someone on here by giving them horrible advice to deal with an actual problem, that's when you cross the line.

 

Fortunately, I am sure OSU is smart enough to know not to listen to people like you.

Edited by Thanatos
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My girlfriend and I broke up. We hadn't seen each other for so long over break, we both realized we weren't invested anymore. It's unfortunate, but it is what it is.

 

On a somewhat related note, I have felt paranoid and somewhat delusional in general. It seems very easy for me to start getting into some suspect ideas. I've caught myself but these last few days have been difficult.

 

I didn't see this til now but...

 

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You telling him not to go see a doctor is what is out of line. You can troll all you want, but you mess with someone on here by giving them horrible advice to deal with an actual problem, that's when you cross the line.

 

Fortunately, I am sure OSU is smart enough to know not to listen to people like you.

 

I interpreted it as him saying don't go to a doctor who will only push medicine on me, without concerning themselves with anything else. I do not have doctors like this, but I've read some horror stories about people with complex trauma from childhood who had to deal with anti-psychotics for years because their team thought their resistance was psychosis. It's a problem, but not one that I have.

 

I appreciate the support from everyone. I was venting that night, and it was particularly bad given that I'd been doing well at the time. I wasn't sure how low it would sink, and I was prepared to go to the hospital despite the fact that after a day it would be a giant waste of time. But even still, I think I am in a better place now. I am not quite as energetic as I was before this dip, but those disturbing thoughts are not bombarding me and I'm not as paranoid. I have work tomorrow, so let's see how that goes. Usually it is social circumstances that will trigger my symptoms.

Edited by OSUViking
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Surprise! This is not a post where I will be venting.

 

I read a lot on a site called Quora, and that is where I have discovered so much information about developmental trauma and the varying impacts it can have on a human's functionality. This is a great post that highlights how it develops; it focuses on narcissistic personality disorder, but as the post mentions this is a specific response to general complex trauma from childhood.

 

https://www.quora.com/What-causes-Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder/answer/Lydia-Colton-1

 

Edit:

 

https://www.hindawi.com/journals/drt/2015/650804/

 

This was one that I found today.

Edited by OSUViking

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