Vikings Punter Chris Kluwe Sends Epic Letter To Anti-Gay Politician

[RANGA+ 1,210]

Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo has spoken out in favor of a Maryland ballot initiative that would legalize gay marriage. Yahoo has published a letter that Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr. wrote last week to Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti, urging him to "inhibit such expressions from your employee." This is Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe's response to Burns.

 

Dear Emmett C. Burns Jr.,

 

I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland's state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail (you may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words):

 

1. As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you that the very first, the VERY FIRST Amendment in this founding document deals with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents so as to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to state that the Ravens should "inhibit such expressions from your employees," more specifically Brendon Ayanbadejo, not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, you also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain. What on earth would possess you to be so mind-boggingly stupid? It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person's right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindfucking obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.

 

2. "Many of your fans are opposed to such a view and feel it has no place in a sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment, and excitement." Holy fucking shitballs. Did you seriously just say that, as someone who's "deeply involved in government task forces on the legacy of slavery in Maryland"? Have you not heard of Kenny Washington? Jackie Robinson? As recently as 1962 the NFL still had segregation, which was only done away with by brave athletes and coaches daring to speak their mind and do the right thing, and you're going to say that political views have "no place in a sport"? I can't even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled mind right now; the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a 10 for "beautiful oppressionism").

 

3. This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different than you, or act different than you? How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you'll start thinking about penis? "Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!" Will all of your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely, since gay people enjoy watching football too.)

 

I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won't even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you?

 

In closing, I would like to say that I hope this letter, in some small way, causes you to reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in mouth clusterfuck you so brazenly unleashed on a man whose only crime was speaking out for something he believed in. Best of luck in the next election; I'm fairly certain you might need it.

 

Sincerely,

Chris Kluwe

 

P.S. I've also been vocal as hell about the issue of gay marriage so you can take your "I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing" and shove it in your close-minded, totally lacking in empathy piehole and choke on it. Asshole.

 

 

 

 

[Barracuda 629]

Awesome.

[RazorStar 4,025]

Chris Kluwe is probably one of the coolest guys in the NFL, no lie. Ripping into peter King and now this.

 

[oochymp 2,393]

"why do you hate freedom?"

 

fucking amazing

[Guest Phailadelphia]

Awesome.

[BucD+ 648]

Win.

 

Chris Kluwe

[BwareDWare94 723]

The thing here is...he's just right. Absolutely, positively, 100% right. So many people assume their right to oppose gay marriage is their right to oppose the legality of gay marriage, which is not the case because withholding that right is a violation of our Constitution.

 

Well done, Mr. Kluwe. I applaud your character.

 

You can be opposed to the idea of gay marriage, but you can't oppose their right to get married.

[seanbrock 1,684]

14th amendment comes to mind. Kluwe is correct.

[Sarge+ 3,436]

In other words he is saying that our government needs to get a Kluwe.

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

He used "cockmonster" I made that up and none of you can tell me otherwise.

[Omerta+ 1,206]

Listen to Chris for Christ sake(weak I know, way to set the bar Sarge). In all serious though I am usually not a fan of player speaking to the media because some have a tendency to put their foot in their mouth. Although with this, I like they are unafraid to step up and put their names to the support.

 

SIDE NOTE: The Ravens organization is writing a letter in return to express their backing for Ayenbedajo in his comments.

[WindyCitySports 407]

Awesome, although leaving "Holy fucking shitballs" out of it may have made it more of a professional-sounding letter.

[oochymp 2,393]

Awesome, although leaving "Holy fucking shitballs" out of it may have made it more of a professional-sounding letter.

So that's the phrase that makes this not sound professional? So "gotta get me some of that hot dong action," "lustful cockmonster," "foot in mouth clusterfuck," or, my personal favorite, "narcissistic fromunda stain" all sound professional to you? I'm not doing this entirely to poke at you, more to point out that he really doesn't seem to care how professional this sounds, and why should he? We're talking about a guy who gets paid to kick a football, how professional does he really need to sound? And really, the no fucks given attitude that permeates this letter is really what makes it so great.

[Phins4life 271]

The first time I read this, I literally had to stop reading long enough to catch my breath from laughing so hard. This guy is now one of my heroes. One of the greatest intellectual beatdowns of all time. Some of my personal favorites...

 

not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, you also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain.

 

the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a 10 for "beautiful oppressionism").

 

If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you'll start thinking about penis?

 

shove it in your close-minded, totally lacking in empathy piehole and choke on it. Asshole.

[RANGA+ 1,210]

In other words he is saying that our government needs to get a Kluwe.

 

I normally can't stand puns...but that was great hahaha