Thanatos 2,847 Posted July 22, 2015 I don't have the faintest idea what to do in this situation. It involves a coworker of mine who is 17 years old. She is undergoing therapy for various mental reasons, and frankly never really seems to be very smart- ie I have to repeat things to her on a daily basis and she can't seem to remember things very long. She also smokes, which is of course illegal. Two days ago she told me her boyfriend was coming to see her on Wednesday. I was a little taken aback, wondering what on earth she was doing in a relationship with all of her issues, but still, not my place to judge. That changed today. She went on break and went up to an older man- and I mean old, as in silver hair, full beard, I'd say at *least* 45 years old if not older. At first, I thought her dad had come to visit her, but then I saw her give him a look that, lets just say we don't give our relatives. They went outside work and then right there on the sidewalk started making out. She then got in his car and they went somewhere for about half an hour, (breaks are only supposed to be 10-15 minutes for starters). I've looked up the law, and in Kentucky: "The general age of consent is 16 years old, but may be 18 years old for other circumstances." Is there anything I should say or do? Is it just completely none of my business? I feel like there's a crime going on, although its technically legal. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blotsfan 2,112 Posted July 22, 2015 Its probably not a crime. The "other circumstances" usually means some position of authority like a teacher. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
56AceInDaPlace 110 Posted July 22, 2015 I don't have the faintest idea what to do in this situation. It involves a coworker of mine who is 17 years old. She is undergoing therapy for various mental reasons, and frankly never really seems to be very smart- ie I have to repeat things to her on a daily basis and she can't seem to remember things very long. She also smokes, which is of course illegal. Two days ago she told me her boyfriend was coming to see her on Wednesday. I was a little taken aback, wondering what on earth she was doing in a relationship with all of her issues, but still, not my place to judge. That changed today. She went on break and went up to an older man- and I mean old, as in silver hair, full beard, I'd say at *least* 45 years old if not older. At first, I thought her dad had come to visit her, but then I saw her give him a look that, lets just say we don't give our relatives. They went outside work and then right there on the sidewalk started making out. She then got in his car and they went somewhere for about half an hour, (breaks are only supposed to be 10-15 minutes for starters). I've looked up the law, and in Kentucky: "The general age of consent is [/size]16 years old, but may be [/size]18 years old for other circumstances."[/size] Is there anything I should say or do? Is it just completely none of my business? I feel like there's a crime going on, although its technically legal.[/size] 1st off.. you live in Kentucky? What part? And 2nd, do you know if her parents know about this? If not I would talk to them about it and see what they would want to do. Are you a manager btw? If she is going through therapy she might struggle with memory and possibley confidence. That and smoking. Smoking would hurt her short term memory loss, and the lost confidence just adds to it. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sarge+ 3,436 Posted July 22, 2015 I agree with approaching her parents with your concerns, or, at the very least, does she have any friends you can reach out to? See if they know about the situation and what their thoughts are. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CampinWithaMissingPerson 2,025 Posted July 22, 2015 She's already broken, nothing you can do Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bangy 19 Posted July 22, 2015 Eh it's risky because obviously you care about her welfare with the problems you mentioned but then again your also potentially interfering with her personal life. If you really are that worried and you feel the parents wouldn't react badly to you airing your concerns then it may be the best option. Otherwise it might be worth keeping an eye on in case it goes bad. Wouldn't harm anyone to just keep an eye on her. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014 Posted July 22, 2015 She's being taken advantage of, no other way to look at it. Go to her parents. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos 2,847 Posted July 22, 2015 I have no idea where her dad is. Her birthmom came around for the first time in six years, according to her, last week, but she's in the foster system, or at least was in the foster system. I know she doesn't live with her parents, not sure what her situation is there. So I don't really think that's an option, unless her birth mom comes around again. I also remember she was telling me this morning she hadn't eaten in three days because she was feeling sick to her stomach and nauseous. It didn't click until just now what that could mean. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RazorStar 4,025 Posted July 22, 2015 (edited) Either don't get involved if you can deal with that weight on your conscious, or go to her legal guardians and let them know. It's always possible that her parents are total shitbags and this situation is at least partially their fault, but that would be something you'd need to play by ear. If they have any sense of decency, they have the right to know. See that changes things a good deal. Foster Kids often don't have any support system to latch onto so doing anything about this situation makes it a whole lot harder because there is nothing stopping her from being in the exact same situation again. I fear that you just have to let this go. Turn away and shut the door. Edited July 22, 2015 by RodgerStarr Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos 2,847 Posted July 22, 2015 I think that's the same conclusion I have come to, but dear God I hate it. This is a really shitty world sometimes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RazorStar 4,025 Posted July 22, 2015 The world is made of shit, everyone is full of shit, and everyone shits when they die. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry 1,302 Posted July 22, 2015 You could talk to her about it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos 2,847 Posted July 23, 2015 She's closed off completely about the subject. I tried that. As gentle as possible trying to tell her she is being taken advantage of and she shouldn't be letting him do anything. "I know what I'm doing, he loves me." Typical teenager. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Turry 755 Posted July 23, 2015 Gotta agree with camps. She is already broken nothing you can do. Sounds like her parents don't care to begin with. You can't save them all thanny. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BC 331 Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) If maybe you could somehow reach the therapist through the legal guardian, maybe even start off by seeing if the legal guardian stays in contact with the therapist? The therapist is the one who I would want knowing if it were my coworker. Other than that the only way to help is to try to be a friend to her, build rapport by sharing a sense of humor of some kind, and maybe over time she becomes more trusting? She's turned off to it now obviously because you questioned her logic, but maybe eventually she'll open up if she feels trusted and loved enough, which can take years for people in these circumstances unfortunately. Edited July 23, 2015 by BC Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Piggly Wiggly 960 Posted July 23, 2015 This is Kentucky? I wouldn't rule it out that it is her dad... 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos 2,847 Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) Wouldn't be surprised if it was a foster father in the slightest. Her dad is gone, no one knows where he is. Edited July 23, 2015 by Thanatos19 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
theMileHighGuy 656 Posted July 23, 2015 I'm well aware that 17 is not 18, but I think in this instance you should stay out of it. Especially since she's already shut down an attempt from you to help her once. You can't save everyone. In my experience with people in the foster system, I find it unlikely her guardians would do anything meaningful anyway. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BwareDWare94 723 Posted July 24, 2015 How very Woody Allen creepy. There's not much you can do if she doesn't have a family structure to lean on. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos 2,847 Posted July 24, 2015 It just got worse. Apparently, later that day, she walked out of work because the manager wouldn't let her go early to spend time with her "boyfriend." (That wasn't one of the three lies she came up with, but we knew what was really going on.) And then this morning her birthmom comes back in and says no one has seen or heard from her since she walked out. I gave the guys' description to her and the cops, but man oh man. I still don't see what else I could have done, I couldn't have physically restrained her from leaving or anything. Just an all-round shitty situation. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FartWaffles 1,857 Posted July 24, 2015 Wow that's just crazy man... But like what has already been mentioned before, I don't think there was anything you could've done. Hopefully she pops back up on the grid... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bangy 19 Posted July 24, 2015 Yea you have the guys description to the police. I think that really is the best you could of done. Hopefully she does reappear and gets the help she needs. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos 2,847 Posted August 21, 2015 Just an update to this. They found her yesterday. Or rather she turned herself in at a police station... in Florida. At least she isn't dead though. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
theMileHighGuy 656 Posted August 21, 2015 Is it terrible that I was definitely expecting dead? That's cool tho... 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
