Dating and Age Gaps

[Sarge+ 3,436]

This is a pretty interesting topic, and I don't think I've ever seen it discussed here. I think we're all plenty mature enough to add some insight to this.

 

My friends and I were talking the other night. One of them is 25 and is dating a 19 year old girl. Our one friend thinks it's a bit weird, but I don't really think so. First of all it is legal in the eyes of the law. As long as she is mature enough to handle an older guy, I don't see a problem with it at all. It really doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me. I don't really like the idea that people should always date other people right around their own age.

 

What do you guys think? Is 25-19 too much of an age gap? Is there such a thing as too much of an age gap?

[CampinWithaMissingPerson 2,025]

Legality and maturity are at the utmost importance on this subject, you've pretty much nailed it. Hell, it doesn't even have to be her that is mature enough — if the 25 year old is immature or as immature as the 19 year old it makes sense as well. Actually that's the way I usually look at it. Because in my personal experience that's what I've observed myself more so than the other way around. Six years isn't a huge gap though. My parents were 7 years apart and my dad was the younger one.

 

The only time that stuff is weird is if there's an obvious predatory type dynamic happening. If one or the other is that naive and you can tell the other is manipulating them and thus exploiting them.

Edited August 14, 2014 by CampinWithGoatSampson

[Sparty 110]

Well, I might be a little biased here considering I'm dating a 36 year old (I'm 22), but you really can't let an age gap bother you. 6 years isn't that much at all really. I mean the only way I can see it being a big deal is if the older one thinks they're dating someone too young or vice versa imo.

[Barracuda 629]

My parents were 9-10 years apart.

 

When your both adults it doesn't matter much. But that stance would probably change if I had a 19 year old daughter.

 

I would bet a majority of marriages average about a 3-4 year difference.

[JetsFan4Life 542]

I was just dating someone five years younger than me (I was 23 she was 18 when we started). I don't really see a problem with it. Like has been mentioned before maturity is a big part of it as long as no one is a child and capable of making adult decisions if it makes both people happy there's no problem.

 

I do think 36 and 22 is a little weird probably because I'm not used to it but if the circumstances make it work than why not?

[BwareDWare94 723]

I was pretty hardheaded about this until I dated a 32 year old this past spring (I was 24 and 25, at the time). Chemistry is chemistry--don't run away from it.

 

At the same time, I do feel that it's inappropriate, in some cases. 25 and 19 is fine, but when you get to that 35 and 17-22 range--that's fucking weird. There's definitely a line.

[CampinWithaMissingPerson 2,025]

Yeah after my parents got divorced my dad immediately scooped up some 19 year old girl who was at the bars where he played with his band at. He was around 37 or so. To make it even weirder looking was she was like 4'11". They used to joke with me around all the time that people would mistake her for his daughter. Hell, she was closer to my age than his. We were 7 years apart. Only reason it somewhat worked is my dad was and still is/always has been incredibly immature. To the point where by time I was 20 or so I was basically the only voice of reason for him, giving him advice and all around being a father to my own father. I'm not gonna derail this into a daddy issues thread though.

Edited August 14, 2014 by CampinWithGoatSampson

[Sparty 110]

Yeah after my parents got divorced my dad immediately scooped up some 19 year old girl who was at the bars where he played with his band at. He was around 37 or so. To make it even weirder looking was she was like 4'11". They used to joke with me around all the time that people would mistake her for his daughter. Hell, she was closer to my age than his. We were 7 years apart. Only reason it somewhat worked is my dad was and still is/always has been incredibly immature. To the point where by time I was 20 or so I was basically the only voice of reason for him, giving him advice and all around being a father to my own father. I'm not gonna derail this into a daddy issues thread though.

So you basically have Hank Moody as a father, lol.

[Bucman 891]

I think the lower age # gives people the wrong set mind. If they were 48 and 42 it would be perfectly normal. Age is really just a number. If the persons are of legal age it shouldn't matter.

[Bangy 19]

It's a funny subject really, when you are younger it always seems to be frowned upon but gets less and less important the older you get. It always seems worse when it's an older guy dating a younger woman in your late teens.

 

To me I don't see a problem with it so long as both are mature enough, of legal age and will understand that there will be points in their relationships where one is going to need something different than the other. Although I have never experienced an age gap of any real proportion, it is all about mental attitude and life experience of each individual to be honest.

[Maverick 791]

My parents are like 17 years apart. I'm going to assume that's the biggest gap on the forum lol. When my mom was graduating high school my dad was just being born.

 

[RazorStar 4,025]

My parents were 4 months apart. Talk about age gaps!

[Vin+ 3,121]

12+ is kinda weird, but it just depends on the ages/situations. I also think there's somewhat of a double standard, at least for me. Older woman/younger guy is fine, older guy/younger woman is weird (talking large age gaps, not just a few years).

Edited August 14, 2014 by Vin

[AL_Royalty 489]

I'm kinda-sorta talking to this chick right now who's 20. As many of you know, I'm 32. It's fucking weird. We went out to an outside thing downtown, and afterward there were these two guys playing some real jazzy shit in a bar right there. Had to stand on the sidewalk and listen for a bit, because she couldn't get into the bar.

 

Hooooowwwwwwwever, if I'm being honest—and I always am—there's a slight ego component involved in situations like this. It doesn't suck knowing you can still pull some fine young tail in your 30's. I was dating a girl that was 22-23 not too long ago, and that was a great time, except for the time we went to the bar and she got way more wasted than anyone should be in public. Inexperience was on display that day, but she didn't ever really drink outside of that time. I knew we weren't going to get married or anything, but I sure did enjoy my time spent with her.

 

So I guess in summation, Do what you do guys/girls. You only live once, and as long as nothing really morally compromising is going on, have A good time. That's really what it's all about.

[JetsFan4Life 542]

My parents were 4 months apart. Talk about age gaps!

 

My mom is older than my dad by 20 WHOLE DAYS. They both turn 50 this December.

 

And off of what Campin said that would be a little weird. Shit I was a little weirded out dating my ex at first because she was a year younger than my younger brother and right in between the age of me and my youngest brother (who is 14). I could only imagine throwing parents and shit into that .

Edited August 14, 2014 by JetsFan4Life

[BJORN 679]

Like most things, it depends. Maturity, personal preference, etc....I don't really think its that weird given the scenario you posted Sarge. My step brother had a 7 year age gap between him and his wife. He was 24 and she was 31. Most of our family took issue with it at the time. I personally didn't care. And it's clear now that they are perfect for each other.

 

Personally, I'm 21 and I'd hesitate to seriously date most 18 year olds, just going by stereotype and experience. Along with this it is a lot harder for me to see a 32 year old and a 18 year old in a serious relationship just because of how far apart they are not only in age but also career.

 

Vin, while I wouldn't complain about a older woman pursuing me....I would still find it a bit weird haha.

[Guest Phailadelphia]

How does a 25 year old even find stuff to do with a 19 year old? They can't do anything involving alcohol, which is almost everything there is to do in the mid-20s. That just seems boring to me.

[blotsfan 2,112]

I think the older you get, the less the age difference matters. A 31 to 25 year old isn't really weird to me. A 25-19 year old is.

[GA_Eagle 595]

How does a 25 year old even find stuff to do with a 19 year old? They can't do anything involving alcohol, which is almost everything there is to do in the mid-20s. That just seems boring to me.

 

I did that once for a month or so. We didn't have much in common but physical attraction. It mostly sucked but did have some bright spots. I have a low crazy tolerance and wasn't thinking too straight about the whole age gap / maturity thing going into it.

[JetsFan4Life 542]

How does a 25 year old even find stuff to do with a 19 year old? They can't do anything involving alcohol, which is almost everything there is to do in the mid-20s. That just seems boring to me.

 

I mean you can't go to bars and (some) clubs. How is that almost everything to do? Half of the stuff I do now doesn't involve alcohol and I'm 24.

 

And also you can still go to parties and stuff. Also I've noticed a lot of girls here under 21 have fakes.

Edited August 15, 2014 by JetsFan4Life

[Guest Phailadelphia]

Different lifestyles between us, I guess.

 

There's also the immaturity thing. I have no tolerance for immaturity anymore. Girls get crunk about stupid shit with me and I'm done. Can't imagine how terrible that is with a 19 year old. How often do you think she complains about her parents to him? lol

[Sarge+ 3,436]

I've met her, and she seems (keyword: seems, because I don't know her that well like he does) a lot more mature than other girls in her age group. But yea, when the shit hits the fan, who knows. All bets are probably off then. I'm going to be 25 next month. I could probably give a 19 year old a try, but I would probably get annoyed fast. She would have to be a lot different than the others to even have a chance with me.

[seanbrock 1,684]

It's more about maturity level, but there's a definite line. People say women married really young and with big age gaps years ago, but kids stay kids for way longer than they did back then too. Childhood is a luxury really. Life is much easier in a lot of ways now days. There are pretty much no 16 year old girls OR guys really who are ready for an adult relationship. Just because she has the body of a woman/man does not mean he/she has the mind of a woman/man...you get the point. It's wrong to take advantage of kid that way. Hell, some people are children well past 18 years old mentally so it's just creepy in general to be with somebody when there's a parent/offspring vibe.

 

Outside of that, do what makes you happy. If you feel that you're happy with somebody then fuck what anyone else has to say honestly.

[Duck Fallas 209]

I don't think it weird at all, though in my own life, dating anyone with 'teen' in their age is creepy. As the saying goes "the heart wants what the heart wants". My biological parents were 14 years(dad was 33, mom 19) apart when I was born. They got married a year prior to that, much to my grandparents chagrin.

Edited August 17, 2014 by Duck Fallas

[Shotgun 442]

It all depends on the mentality of the individual. There are a lot of people who get with someone older and are in a way taken advantage of. Not necessarily on purpose but people of different ages can often have different expectations of others. Some people who are mostly surrounded by people their own age don't really understand the way people think when they are a bit older. Personally there is a massive difference between me when I was 19 and me when I'm 26. Because I realize that, I would feel a bit odd about dating someone that young.

 

I have noticed though that people I know who are really close with their parents and older relatives typically have a higher maturity level and often have relationships with older people that work out fine.