MVP: Your Daddy Drew Brees
The league fucking owes him for Peyton stealing it... wait no they don't
The actual MVP Winner: Patrick Mahomes
BUT MY COMPILER STATS, they claim as I own the libs. 😛 I don't even know, but writers are gonna latch onto to Mahomies 50 TD's, 5000 yards, and incredible streak of scoring 26+ points in every game this season. Brees was the more efficient passer with lesser weapons, but people love those volume stats.
OPOTY: Christian McCaffery
Perhaps not the conventional choice, since I'm sure the voters will split the Brees Mahomes vote like the OPOTY is a pity prize. McCaffery is a god damn weapon, and made a case for being the best back in football this year. He's just difficult to stop no matter what situation you put him in, and the threat he creates opened up the Panthers offense greatly, even when their QB was playing with a missing arm.
DPOTY: Aaron Donald
This would be the conventional choice. Despite all the money they poured into the defense, it felt like Donald was the only guy doing things that matter. Suh and Brockers were invisible most of the season, the defensive backfield was banged up early, and their linebackers are still pretty raw, though I liked what I saw out of a few of them. Donald is a real force of nature and worth every penny of his contract.
OROTY: Quenton Nelson
They don't give these awards to guards, pick someone else named Baker or Saquon... but seriously, the Colts built an identity on strong line play and it's working wonders. Marlon Mack goes from an average bargain bin running back to one of the top producers in the league and it's all because of the fire and intensity put in by this kid. Colts really nailed their rookie class this year, which is a big reason why they're in the divisional round right now. So fuck all y'all haters, Baker and Saquon are sippin Pina Coladas on the beach right now.
DROTY: Derwin James
The eraser, the beast, the demon who lives in the shadows. Don't blink or you'll miss him making a key tackle, or a turnover, or a pass breakup. He's anywhere and everywhere and the Chargers maximized what they got out of this kid. There were a lot of great rookies this year on defense, but Derwin is definitely the highlighter right now. Small props to Darius Leonard, Leighton Vander Esch, Fred Warner, Minkah Fitzpatrick, Denzel Ward and Bradley Chubb for their work this year, as well as anyone else I may have missed.
Comeback Player J.J. Watt
I bet 31 teams wished he had just retired after his injury and went back to chopping wood, or fucking bears in the mountain or whatever this football robot does for fun. After notching 1.5 sacks in the past two years combined, he's come back in force and finished with 16 sacks, 7 forced fumbles, 61 tackles and 18 TFL's. Dude is back, and the league needs to watch out because he takes over games, and was just a few spots out of consideration for defensive player of the year this year.
Coach of the Year: Anthony Lynn
I know what the popular choice is, and the popular choice is wrong. Nagy did a great job of game preparation and scripting early drives, but he couldn't make Trubisky a miracle worker like the media seems to believe he has, and poor decisions during gametime are at his feet for every one of the Bears losses this year. Anthony Lynn is my choice, and it's in large part because he's made the decisions to put his team in position to win the game. Sure, he's dealing with a cursed franchise who can't help but stumble over their own dicks in clutch situations, but he's got them keeping a level head and putting his team in the best position possible. I think in terms of actively detrimental calls, he's probably near the bottom of the list, but he's giving Ringless Rivers a chance at Redemption which is more than most coaches can say.