Confession Thread

[Vin+ 3,121]

The Net Force series was pretty good. But then, I only read three of them (been meaning to read more of them, but it seems I'm more interested in talking about reading things than actually reading them)

[DonovanMcnabb for H.O.F 2,241]

I hate reading. So much. Soooooo much. I just... It's really just the worst thing in the world. It's worst then all the bad things out there combined. And knowing I'll have to do this for the rest of my life makes me cry.

 

Neggers can get to negging, reading still and forever sucks. >_>

[Bay 2,003]

Wind freaks me out. When I start hearing it pick up outside I have paranoia that it's going to be so strong that it blows a window off or that it causes something to crash down on my house.

[Tridentdawgpound 1,043]

Fuck it, I'll say this here:

 

I've dealt with social anxiety and clinical depression for most of my life and it's never been worse than it is right now. Big reason why I've been so "emo" around here recently. My escapes (Sports and video games) aren't doing much to help me escape.

[SteVo+ 3,702]

Fuck it, I'll say this here:

 

I've dealt with social anxiety and clinical depression for most of my life and it's never been worse than it is right now. Big reason why I've been so "emo" around here recently. My escapes (Sports and video games) aren't doing much to help me escape.

 

Did your "escapes" used to do something to help you escape? If they did, what's changed recently?

[Tridentdawgpound 1,043]

 

Did your "escapes" used to do something to help you escape? If they did, what's changed recently?

 

Yeah, they did. They were things I could do for hours on end to forget all my shortcomings. I think the changes are twofold: Being away at school for the first time and just general frustration. I don't wanna say they're starting to bore me, but recently I'll be watching a game (usually on Saturday) and think "Fuck I wish I could go do something else" and that's where social anxiety comes in. I want friends but suck ass at making them.

 

All of this stuff brings back all my insecurities. So there's this girl who I've mentioned a few times in the shoutbox. Absolutely gorgeous, down to earth, all that jazz. I'll never have her though. Why? My own insecurities keep me from even holding a conversation with her when I do see her. Fuck.

 

I've always been the type who always cracks jokes and has a carefree attitude in person because I'm trying to mask all this shit. I haven't told this to anyone who's actually in my life (IE my immediate family and that's pretty much it). But never at any point has it been this bad before. Ever.

[RazorStar 4,025]

I was never a very social guy coming out of high school, I kind of hung out by myself, did whatever alone. When I went to the U of A, some good advice I got was just to leave your door open, and say yes to things you never thought you'd do. If there's an intramurals league where you're going, try that out. Is your dorm arrange a party or mixer, or whatever? Just try going to that. You'd be surprised how easy it is to make friends when you open your horizons. Don't let social anxiety take you, a little trick I learned about people is no one cares about the stuff you think about like "Oh man I'm so awkward, or I bet everyone judges me for my bad acne..." They don't. If you've worn the mask of a joker before, you can wear the mask of someone confident. And soon... you'll find it fits your face perfectly.

[SteVo+ 3,702]

 

Yeah, they did. They were things I could do for hours on end to forget all my shortcomings. I think the changes are twofold: Being away at school for the first time and just general frustration. I don't wanna say they're starting to bore me, but recently I'll be watching a game (usually on Saturday) and think "Fuck I wish I could go do something else" and that's where social anxiety comes in. I want friends but suck ass at making them.

 

All of this stuff brings back all my insecurities. So there's this girl who I've mentioned a few times in the shoutbox. Absolutely gorgeous, down to earth, all that jazz. I'll never have her though. Why? My own insecurities keep me from even holding a conversation with her when I do see her. Fuck.

 

I've always been the type who always cracks jokes and has a carefree attitude in person because I'm trying to mask all this shit. I haven't told this to anyone who's actually in my life (IE my immediate family and that's pretty much it). But never at any point has it been this bad before. Ever.

 

If you're at school, friends should be easy to make. Just strike up a conversation with someone. You'd be surprised how quickly a strategy like that can net some acquaintances, even if it's just a study group. And we all get rejected but beautiful girls from time to time. Just part of the package.

 

And as far as having friends, you know you've got all of us here at TGP. I know it's just the internet and some may not consider us all "real" friends, but I personally look forward to seeing you in the shoutbox, whether it's to bust your balls about the Barves, or to hear you bitch about the Browns. So don't think you're some hopeless loser who nobody likes, because that's not true.

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

Trident, you've always reminded me of my younger brother. He's your age, he's been extremely overweight his entire life, he went through the social anxiety and depression, he never thought he'd get a girlfriend, video games were his outlet...

 

He weighed ~310 as an 8th grader and was heavier than that at his worst. I took guardianship of him his last year and a half of high school and spent two years trying to help him through this. It's not easy and change comes incrementally, but my brother is now almost thinner than I am and he's had a cute little girlfriend for about 8 months. Even lost his virginity!

 

Jake stopped eating out and began eating less, started only drinking water (lots of it), and began walking or riding his bike to and from work, which is a few miles from our house. He didn't work out, he didn't run, but the weight fell off and his confidence skyrocketed. That lead to him getting a girlfriend and now he's really coming out of his shell, socially.

 

Before, he'd always stay cooped up in his room with the door shut. Now he actively asks to spend time with my girlfriend and I, reaches out to friends, talks to strangers when we're out, et cetera.

 

The main advice I can give you is to stay patient, stay as positive as possible, and to create a routine and stick to it. If you need support, you've got a ton of friends here.

 

Take care of yourself, man. You're a smart, funny guy.

[Crash3021 101]

The main advice I can give you is to stay patient, stay as positive as possible, and to create a routine and stick to it. If you need support, you've got a ton of friends here.

 

Cannot emphasize this enough Trident. Take it from someone who's been through too much shit that's taken its toll on me physically, mentally, and emotionally over the years. It's taken 9 years (long time I know) for me to get to this great point in my life after having to go through numerous physical and emotional struggles (pretty much from junior year of HS until this year and Bay knows a lot of what I'm talking about), but believe it or not Zack's advice is exactly what I did as well to improve myself as a person and finally be at a point where I'm truly happy with things. I'm almost certain life will reward you for your patience and positivity like it has me when the time is right, just keep your head up and keep trucking forward. The tough times aren't forever-lasting, they only make you stronger mentally in the end when you're able to figure out how to conquer them. With everything I've been through, I made it out alive and now I feel like nothing will be able to bring me down because I'm way too strong a person to let that happen because I have the most important person in my life and she gives me tremendous inner-strength.

 

No matter what do not give up, I was at the breaking point too many times to count during that 9-year stretch and knew I'd be letting down the people who cared about me if I resorted to doing something drastic due to how awful my emotional state was at the time. When I think about it I really should be dead and buried (3 near-death experiences from 2006-2012 before I was even 25), but I feel like I was kept around to end up together with the girl I'm with now who I'm going to marry in the near future and start a family. My girlfriend and I are very much alike having gone through a lot of the same physical and emotional struggles and have a chemistry that generally takes a long time to develop (been together a little less than a month even though we had been talking since last June), so we are perfect for each other. And no doubt that you'll eventually find someone like that for you, you're very young and when the right girl comes along you will know it immediately. Like Stevo said you've got us here at TGP as an outlet for support, which is important because sometimes it's hard to open up to those who are close to you.

[BJORN 679]

Wind freaks me out. When I start hearing it pick up outside I have paranoia that it's going to be so strong that it blows a window off or that it causes something to crash down on my house.

Same! So much that I recently switched rooms in my house out of fear that a tree from the woods behind my house would fall directly on my room. It's weird though, I never really thought or minded it for years. Sort of Inception-like once it was in my mind that I was probably within striking distance of a giant oak, I became paranoid about it if it was windy haha.Tornadoes are also my biggest fear.

[Favre4Ever+ 4,476]

Man, you've got some great advice here.

I was always more socially awkward in HS.. Had a small, really tight nit group of friends. It was more about the quality for me, and not the quantity. I just always kept to myself and honestly been overweight most of my life as most of you already know. I was pretty OK with that though, I genuinely still enjoyed my life and while it was quiet and I sometimes looked for a little more bang to my fizzle... I was in a solid spot.

That changed when I went to college for a year... Having to basically start over with my social awkwardness and what not as far as friends go really kind of put me into a bad place. I got really depressed.... Hated myself and what I was doing with my life. Had no one to talk to, even... My life at school was sad and I've only ever even mentioned one other place, and that was here on the interwebz.. I never told my parents or friends or anyone until fairly recently.. And we are like 5 years removed from it.

My 9 months or so at school consisted at first of me being in what seemed like solitary confinement. I would go to class (eventually stopped doing that), then go home and just sit there. I would watch TV, cook, play video games, talk to you guys.. All things I loved, but I was still really really alone. And when I wasn't doing those things, I would think about how badly I had it. Felt bad for myself, cursed myself for being a loser, cursed myself for being fat.. Eventually I stopped being alone.. because I would go out onto campus and bum my way into any small group of people listening to where to find my next buzz. Yup, alcohol was my answer... I dunno how I did it... but I did. Just randomly go up to people start talking, eventually started drinking... Would also be listening for anything resembling a party.. I would then randomly show up to different apartment buildings, dorms, frat houses.. anything where there was two things... 1) other people 2) alcohol.

Spent most of 2nd semester completely fucking wasted from start to finish. Did a bunch of other... things. That I won't go into detail about here. Only one person in the world actually knows that story from start to finish, and it gets a lot worse before it gets better.

But.. to cut that short and get back to the good advice stuff. I don't really know how to explain it.. but one day it kind of just hit me.. Like an epiphany.. I know it sounds corny as hell, but that's what happened. It just HIT me, that... I actually wasn't wrong about most of those things I felt about myself. But I came to the realization that it would never change if I stuck with what I was doing. I didn't really know what else to do at the time, so I dropped out of school. Moved back home and began a long recovery process.

I cut out a lot of really negative influences I had in life... People wise, that is. And started doing exactly the things that people have talked about already in this thread. Razor mentioned doing things you wouldn't normally do and sometimes just saying 'yes' to people. I don't do it nearly as often as Razor did or has, but when I did, I began to forge some of the strongest bonds I have ever had. I was always comfortable at work... I had been there for years, knew mostly everybody but didn't talk to half of them.. So I started to open up more in that setting (one that I was comfortable in). Randomly started talking to and doing things with people I would have never guessed I would have.

Hell, my best friend in the world... The best friend I have EVER had.. Probably ever will... Was thanks to me talking to people I hadn't before and hanging out with him (and others) when I normally wouldn't have. So... For that, listen to Razor.

Zack also talked about just changing up some of your habits... I can't even remember when it was now.. But 2+ years ago, I completely stopped drinking pop. I drink water, water, more water, and sometimes an iced tea or coffee. I don't want to over exaggerate, but I can't even tell you how much that alone helped my mindset. The.. er.. 'detox' or whatever you want to call it was insane for about a week or so IIRC. I craved that caffeine and sugar more than what should be tolerable, but I fought through. I still drink pop with alcohol on occasion, but bro.. The spike in energy levels was crazy... I was amazed at how much better I felt simply by cutting pop out of my diet. I was shocked I had so much ambition and energy for such a fat bastard.. lol.

 

I don't really exercise too much. I started walking, and that is it.. about a year or so ago... I still eat whatever the hell I want, but I cut portions way way way back. And eventually my body just stopped feeling like it needed so much. I don't run any kind of special diet at all. Still eat fried foods, some junk foods, etc... Again, energy spikes like crazy. I would have never thought doing so little would have made such a HUGE difference.

Went to the doctor just last week for an unrelated thing (ingrown toenail, ew.. gross)... Other than the doctor being a fucking psychopath and digging into my infected toe with a sharp pair of scissors, in which the pain was so intense I literally passed out.... The craziest thing about that trip was the nurse asking me to step on the scale... I was dreading it. I hate scales, haven't been on one or in a doctors office (not including dentist / eye doctor) in OVER A DECADE. But I got onto the scale anyway.. 232.8 pounds. I don't remember exactly, but last time I actually posted my weight around here, pretty sure it was in the 285-300+ range. Fucking crazy...

I am kind of hinting on a theme here.. I will save you some time and won't make you deciper this wall of text... I am amazed at how much life can change with so little relative effort. The changes I have made, while hard at times... Have been fairly simple. Nothing ridiculous or mind boggling, but definitely life altering.

So again... Zack gave you some great advice and you should listen to it.

As I've fought depression myself, and actually have some family history of depression... Being in the right set of mind for these changes is most important. I know it's hard, it seems impossible sometimes... But just THINKING positively changes the entire game. Thinking, living, and acting with a positive mindset is the key (for me, anyway) to all of the changes and success I feel as if I have had.

Now... I live on my own, work a full time job, have the best friends I have ever had, and feel better than I have ever felt. I am happier now, in this moment... Working as a waiter and a college drop out than I have ever been in my life before.

When I was in college, I dreaded going to sleep because I would torture myself in my dreams... And I would lay there trying to go to sleep, thinking about how miserable. I dreaded waking up because it meant I had to face the world on yet another day where I wasn't sure I was going to make it....

Now? I don't want the days to end... As I get older, the days and time go by faster than ever. It's flying and it makes me a little sad knowing how quickly life is going. But I want to cherish each and every moment of it. I still don't want to go to sleep, but for very different reasons. I wake up every morning (or the occasional afternoon.. ha) not being able to wait to see what is in store for the day, even when all I have planned for the day is a boring 8 hour shift at work.

I am not saying I live the most exciting life.. I still play video games, I still get on here and talk to ya'll wayyyy more than what is probably healthy. But I do go out more than I ever have, attend different events and what not (just went to Theresa Caputo Live.. Make fun if you want, but it was amazing). Hang otu with people more than ever.. it's my life, and i love it. No longer do I sit here just content, but actually happy.

Heck, you are a lot stronger than I was... I told nobody for YEARS. I never got help from anyone because I was stubborn and afraid (both of what people would think and do)... It probably slowed my progress 10x over. But I am a testament to the fact that it can be done.

You can make these same changes, Trident. I've known you for a long, long time... You've grown up here, in front of us and I couldn't be more proud to call you a friend. No matter how hard it seems, know that YOU control the changes you make or don't make. You CAN do it, you CAN overcome it.. I know you can, and believe in you.

I know I am not the most pleasant of people all the time, but that doesn't take away from how much I care about this community or the people in it.

You owe it to yourself to make these changes.

 

I love you buddy.

[AllYouNeedIsLovie 377]

Trident, I also have social anxiety so I know how shitty it is. Mine didn't develop until a few years ago, so I'm kind of lucky in that fact that I had friends and people to go to before I had to deal with this. It sucks being so anxious when you're in public and having no confidence, especially when you really have no control over it. It's just the way your mind is thinking and it is processing automatic negative thoughts through your brain that is determining the way you act and feel. The good thing is that you can get over Social Anxiety and get on to a better life through therapy. Check out the link below, I actually just bought the Disks, and started last week. Not sure if you have the money for this, but I would highly recommend it. If not, there's a lot of information on the website that I suggest you read and could help you out. Getting over your social anxiety will really help you out, and will lower your depression as well. If you need any help or want to talk more about it, shoot me a PM. Having Social Anxiety is an awful feeling and no one should go through it.

 

https://socialanxietyinstitute.org

[BwareDWare94 723]

I think social anxiety is a bit of running theme, here. I've dealt with it for quite a few years, too. My friends have it worse than I do, and they don't believe me when I say I deal with it, too, but it's really crippling. I can't stand crowds of people I don't know. I love things like concerts and sporting events but my skin crawls with so many people around me.

Are they looking at me?

 

Do I look stupid?

 

Don't smile, you've got a gap in your teeth but Be sure you're not scowling. You don't want to look mean.

 

This shirt is too tight. I must look like a refrigerator.

 

Anyway, typical thoughts that will go through my head, paraphrased. I'm sure most everybody here is familiar with things like this. Anyway, my point for you, Trident, is that it's not uncommon, so if I were you I'd try to remember that, in social situations, most everybody else is having your same troubles. There ain't a soul on this planet that shuts all of their thoughts and insecurities out. I'm not trying to downplay how much this affects you. I'm just saying that if you remember that you're in the same boat as a lot of people, it might not bother you so much.

 

As for clinical depression--I sought counseling two years ago in my final year at North Dakota, and it turned my life around. I told my counselor that I wasn't an individual who was dangerous to himself but that I wanted to learn some coping mechanisms. I have no doubt that Georgia Southern has a Counseling Center or some sort, as I don't think it's legal to not provide those services to students. Please, please, please look into it. Your social anxiety will make a chore that first phone call and appointment set-up, but you'll get through your first session and your burden will be lessened, and as you continue to meet with your counselor, you'll learn coping mechanisms, new ways of thinking about problems, and other things of the sort. You'll also slowly open up about things you never thought you could talk to another person about. Everything will be come easier. Small problems that seem big will be shrink, etc.

Perhaps the most useful thing my counselor did for me was make a classic psychology drawing on a piece of printer paper. I can't remember every last bit of it, but I'll give it a try. It's called something like "Two Sides of the Road."

SERENITY MISERY

 

What if?

I can only worry about |
the things I can control | If only...
during each day | I wish...

 

 

Anyway, it's essentially supposed to remind you that you should only worry about things within your control.

 

This community has unknowingly taken care of me on rotten days on many many occasions. I'm sure it does the same for you. One thing I love about this place is any two of us could have a vicious internet argument one minute but in a real life scenario we'd all be sitting somewhere, tipping 'em back, and enjoying the game. There's a security to belonging to a place. This is your house, too. Everybody is here for you.

If you decide you want to beat these issues head on, you will.

[BC 331]

Kinda feel like social anxiety isn't really a disease, its just you're thinking you have to meet someone's or even the world's expectations of a desirable person. You've got what it takes, and don't have to put yourself through being anybody's idea of anything. If you're struggling with buying into that mindset, then become someone who isn't picky about who you talk to and take genuine interest about what someone is about. This will help eliminate the illusion that nobody else out there cares either.

 

This all sounds like pretty normal stuff. Everyone always goes into transitions expecting the easiest most fun transition. Especially the going off to college thing. You're not the anomaly you think you are. Pretty insecure age for people in general across the board.

Edited November 3, 2014 by BC

[Zack_of_Steel+ 3,014]

Trident, I think you should take note of the fact that you've made such an impact, even through TGP, that many people jumped at the chance to reach out, share their problems with you, and attempt to lend a hand.

 

You've got a lot to offer, you just need the confidence to do so.

[RazorStar 4,025]

True Confession times... It's Nanowrimo, so the next chapter of The Exiled World is currently in progress.

[Sarge+ 3,436]

 

 

I know not everyone enjoys these sappy inspirational clips, but I still think they provide an important foundation. At one time or another, even the most confident people doubt themselves. Why should I be able to achieve greatness? What makes me special? Can I really do this even if I really want to? The realization becomes... yes, I am special. I can achieve that which I desire most.

 

It often happens that the hardest part of finding happiness is knowing what you truly want. Once you find out, the rest isn't so hard. So my advice to you is to figure out what it is that you most desire in life, and then go get it. You won't be able to do it all in one day. It may take weeks, months, maybe even years if it is something truly worthwhile to you. But the journey you will take to find it will change you, it will inspire you, and it will give you confidence. And then, everything else will fall into place.

 

Great things come from humble beginnings. You must start somewhere. Maybe your beginning is to realize that we are all just ordinary people in search of happiness in whatever way that makes the most sense to us in this life. And now it is your turn to join us. Today is the first day of your life. Enjoy it. Make the best of it.

[seanbrock 1,684]

This is what makes TGP such a special place. So many members feel comfortable opening up and sharing shit in this community. We bust balls but I can say that most of us truly care about one another for the most part lol.

 

As far as women go, you just have to keep in mind that they might be more attractive than you but chances are good you're smarter, funnier and more charming than they are because they don't really have to be any of those things to make it in life and get dick. A woman has the advantage of being a total fucking loser and still being able to find a man who is a winner.

 

As long as you shower, and in general make sure you don't smell bad or something or are wearing dirty clothes etc 10-1 you're a better and more interesting person than her, she just has tits and a pussy. If you can remember that, women won't scare you because you'll know you're worth more than they are most likely anyway as a person. Think about how many funny women you know vs. how many funny guys you know. Think about the people in your classes. What's the smart women to men ratio? You ever have to have a deep or intellectual conversation with a woman? Not all women are dumb or unfunny, but if you can find one who isn't, that's real keeper gf status.

 

Just love yourself, know what you bring to the table and exude it. A lot of the dudes on here that have lady troubles are smart, funny people who can carry conversations. Are pretty interesting etc. Don't try to be somebody else, that's too hard to realistically keep up and you don't need to lol. Just make sure that you look like you give a fuck about yourself and never fucking apologize. If she doesn't like what you have to say who the fuck cares? lol I mean, I guess if you do something really fucked up it's ok, but in general it's a no no.

[Favre4Ever+ 4,476]

Oh, and a few other things I wanted to hit on that I didn't before...

When Zack mentioned patience, be sure to have it in spades.... As I mentioned, I've been working on my own changes for YEARS now. Ya, there I things I did or could have done that would have sped things up a bit. But on the same token, I kind of like continually changing and continually having something to work at. Regardless, everything won't happen all at once. It's something you have to work at. This is about continually bettering yourself, not becoming a new person over night.

Also, this may not help AT ALL... I may be the only person in the world this helps, so take it for what it's worth. But when I was changing my eating habits. As a fatty, you of course feel like you need to eat all the time (or I did, anyway). And when I was depressed, I ate more... Something that helped me cut back on those cravings or my body pretending like it needed more food when I knew it didn't... Was actually picking up a new habit. I started chewing gum A LOT. For some reason, that really made a lot of the cravings and feeling like I was hungry go away or subside. Hard candies that take a while to get through helped too. I don't chew gum as much anymore because I think I mostly have it under control... but I always have jolly ranchers and werthers around, sometimes carrying them in my pocket.

What I found at my fattest, was that so often my body or brain would tell me to eat when I didn't need or sometimes even want to. I think there is something with keeping your mouth busy, almost mimicking the chewing motion with gum or hard candies that helped with that. Science or psychology or some shit, I don't know. Lol.

[BwareDWare94 723]

I think Taylor Swift has loads of potential as a singer/songwriter, and that some of her music is already great, considering her age when much of it was released.

Edited November 12, 2014 by BwareDWare94

[Bucman 891]

I use to have social anxiety really bad. It got to the point in HS where I wouldn't give speeches in front of my peers, I would just take the F and move on.

 

At work people though I was just some quiet kid who was too good for them. But in reality, I wanted to talk to them but was just scared that I would say something stupid that would offend them. Being moved to 3rd shift has really helped me come out my shell, I love the people I work with and I feel I can be myself around them.

 

I've learned its best to just say fuck it and not worry about what people think. Growing older has helped I suppose because most adults are less judgemental then kids in school.

[BwareDWare94 723]

Yeah. Maturing makes us think less and less about peoples' reactions. You eventually realize that most of the time, 100% of those surrounding you are irrelevant to your life, so you just go for it.

[CampinWithaMissingPerson 2,025]

I would never recommend this to someone who has never taken substances or is anti-drugs but if I'm gonna be honest psychedelics really did improve my anxiety issues that arose from ages 20-23. It sounds retarded, sounds like hippy bullshit, sounds like druggie talk but it honestly did. The reason being that anxiety is ego based. One thing psychedelics can do is detach yourself from your ego — quickly. This can be reached without drugs by other means like meditation and such but that takes much more work and practice. Once you step out of your own shoes you can look at yourself objectively, as well as the outside world objectively without the lens of your ego in the way.

 

What that meant for me was just realizing how ridiculous I was for taking the world and everything in general so serious. The funny part too is after this experience I actually stopped partying so much. Because I saw how much of a crutch my self medication was. A lot of my then-current friends I was only friends with because they had access to drugs and or/parties. I saw how much of a leech I was. It really gave me a big picture view of what really mattered, how silly us dumb little humans are and basically where I needed to improve. Since then I've had a much easier time in general with everything. I didn't become enlightened or anything. I didn't reach some apex of the mountain of life, but I did gain some insight on things that a puberty's worth of ego construction had clouded a bit. It honestly was like a bit of a restart button in terms of how I viewed the world, I view it much more playfully now. Less insidious.

 

Not recommending anything here, just sharing some life experience.

Edited November 19, 2014 by CampinWithGoatSampson

[Bucman 891]

I take this energy/fat burning pill that also seems to have calm me down in a way. Sometimes my mouth keeps going before my brain is ready though, so I end up saying stupid shit