Should you be able to spank your children ?

[Omerta+ 1,206]

So last night me and the old lady are at some super swanky restaurant because I am trying to convince her into letting me by a 1969 Camaro SS/RS and putting off the retirement for a couple of year with the understanding I would do most of the maintenance myself. So anyway to the point, we are sitting there and actually enjoying ourselves and talking about all the random shit that popped into our head, and this kid is running in between tables like he has lost his rabbit ass mind. he yelling and his parents are just sitting their watching him admiring what a precocious child they have. Then the kids starts yelling and throws a dinner roll across the restaurant and hit a guy sitting at the table next to me. I overhear him say, "my parents would have whooped my ass as a kid...thanks tree huggers." Before I noticed it I said, " No shit right." He laughed and I bought the fellow a beer for his outstanding self control.

 

Anyway me and my wife were talking it over and was wondering what is the deal with spanking your kids. I understand there is a fine line between a good ass whoopini and abuse and in todays society they are interchangeable. I have always been a muscular cat so at about the age of 16 it was not the belt that did the trick anymore it was my old man taking me behind the old proverbial woodshed and kicking my ass. It was nothing super serious like kicking me when I was down but enough to where I got his point.

 

I am not saying all kids need that but I was a hard headed little prick and it honestly taught me a few things and I think had served me well in my military career because of the personal responsibility factor. Now there are psychologists on the TV all the time saying it mentally scars kids and so on and so on, but I guess I am the exception because I hold no ill will and am far from scarred and if he hadn't have whooped my ass and I had ever won one I might be able to admit I appreciate it.

 

So the question folks is, do you think it is right or wrong? I would like to give some differing viewpoints to try and understand another side. Is it something I am missing. Was my Dad to old school ? Am I just fucked in the head ? Or is it in fact true that from time to time a kid just needs an ass whoopin ?

 

Now if you do people can call SRS, you can be arrested, you can have your kids taken, I mean it is just a lot of the government trying to raise your kids now.

 

My mom's saying was, "I brought you into this world and I can take you out." I threatened to call the cops once and she said it will give me a good 20 minutes to whoop your ass until they get here and believe I will make the jail time worth it. That quickly quelled my cleverly thought out rebellion.

Edited May 25, 2012 by Ngata_Chance

[Sarge+ 3,436]

I could go into more details later, but I voted yes. However, another poll option should be "it depends on the child." I think you could try spanking a few times and see how the kid reacts to it. If there's a severe negative reaction then spanking is probably not good for that child. I was spanked when I was younger and I turned out just fine, but some other kids might not. It's all about parental discretion.

[Omerta+ 1,206]

I could go into more details later, but I voted yes. However, another poll option should be "it depends on the child." I think you could try spanking a few times and see how the kid reacts to it. If there's a severe negative reaction then spanking is probably not good for that child. I was spanked when I was younger and I turned out just fine, but some other kids might not. It's all about parental discretion.

 

I added the question. I at first did not because I thought many people would just go that route instead of answering it as a general principle. I know some parents who are not opposed to it but just never needed to. I wanted to get a concise view of where people stood.

 

As far as the sever negative reactions, what were you talking about ? I dont know many kids who enjoy it but I am assuming you have a more sever consequence in mind perhaps estrangement or irreparably damaging them or something of that nature.

 

And if you have time constraints that cool but when you get the chance please elaborate, or where you testing the waters on it ? Just so I can see other points of view even if they are the same they may bring a different perspective to a question people are usually pretty set in stone about.

[seanbrock 1,684]

Nobody should be able to tell you how to raise your kids.

[ATL_Predator+ 1,196]

What sean said. If I feel the need to spank my child I will. If someone else doesn't think I should...they can raise my damn kid. It's my kid, his life...what happens in my household is my business and it's fucking retarded to say what I can and can't do.

[Shotgun 442]

I think spanking gives some children the planted idea that hitting to stop people from doing what you don't want is an okay thing, but I don't think it's going to decide what kind of kid they are. I was spanked a few times as a kid and turned out fine but I also have a very different personality from most. In my experience parents who spank tend to be shitty, impatient parents in a lot of other ways so a lot of anti-spanking people see kids that get spanked and how crappy they end up and think there's a correlation, but I don't think their necessarily is. The same goes for the tree-hugger type parents in your story. That kid isn't like that because he isn't getting spanked, his parents just don't know what the fuck they're doing. I don't think parents should be allowed to use paddles, switch, or any other object to spank though. If you can't get the point across with your hand you're fucking up in some other way and need to figure something else out, beating a kid with an object and leaving behind marks just means you prefer to raise a child through fear and that's just retarded.

[badgers 380]

I say yes but there are definitely some limits you know with child abuse and what not.

 

Basically what sean said though. Only the parent knows how to raise and discipline their kid. Parents obviously spend so much time with their children that they know what gets to them and what teaches them proper behavior. For some kids, spanking them or slapping them etc. might be the only thing that teaches them a lesson.

[blotsfan 2,112]

I never was spanked. I was hit when I misbehaved, but I've always thought spanking is just creepy.

[Milla4Prez63 678]

Yes, if done properly. I mean if you're spanking your child for dumb reasons, then it is child abuse, but if you do it when they do something wrong to let them know that there is consequences for their actions, it is just fine.

[NaTaS+ 958]

I think everyone has echoed this sentiment. I have 3 kids and I only had to spank one of them. I HATED to spank --smack on the thigh-- him but there was no other way to get him to listen, I waiting until he was about 3 so I knew he understood why he was getting spanked. The others we just had to talk to them.

 

You should always be able to spank your child, if it calls for it. Never abusiveness and they should always understand why. I dont agree with spanking a 1 1/2 year old for not eating his veggies, that's retarded.

 

TL;DR: Yes but never abusively and only when the child is able to understand the reason.

Edited May 25, 2012 by NaTaS

[Favre4Ever+ 4,476]

I think a lot of it depends on the situation, the child, and the environment you are in.

 

Obviously, you don't (imo) want to start spanking your child(ren) over petty things to the point where it becomes routine that they get hit for just about any misstep they take. This devalues the "punishment" that comes out of being spanked and the child will just get so used to it that it won't phase them anymore. It loses its purpose and the child is probably going to escalate their naughty behavior.

 

I also think something Natas said is very important. I don't think you can spank them when they are still extremely young. They need to be able to comprehend what they are doing is wrong, and that because of their actions, you have to do what you are about to do.

 

And lastly, I don't think a parent can ever just go up to their child and just go to town. There has to be some kind of discussion... You have to tell your child why it is that they are getting punished. Explain to them that that isn't behavior that is accepted, and that you are very disappointed in them.

 

I may have other things to add later... but... I will leave it there for now.

 

Oh, I just thought of something else.

 

As far as where you are when your child is acting up. I really don't think it is appropriate for parents to spank their children just out in public. For example, pertaining to the OP, I would not approve of the parents spanking the kids at the table. Get their attention, take them somewhere (remotely) private. The bathroom, outside the establishment, out by the car, and do it there. The point of the punishment is not to embarrass your child in front of tens of hundreds of people (depending on where you are). It's nobody elses business, quite frankly.

Edited May 25, 2012 by Favre4Ever

[.AirMcNair. 1,232]

Yeah, my father always punished me in private, never in front of anyone. And he only ever had to spank me 3 or 4 times in my entire childhood because he raised me right and I was more worried about disappointing/upsetting my father than I was about the physical repercussions of it.

 

If you raise your children correctly you'll very rarely have to physically punish them.

[BwareDWare94 723]

I'm not even opposed to a light slap across the face. I deserved it every time my mother did it, and it's done me no wrong.

 

Abuse is unfair or unnecessary physical discipline, and unnecessary includes objects. Belts and wooden spoons and rulers--abuse.

[Vin+ 3,121]

Should I be able to? Yeah. However, I hope it won't be necessary during my parenting career.

[RazorStar 4,025]

As long as one of your wrists work, I don't see why you'd be unable to spank your child...

 

Oh, ethically. I think most of the board covered it but spanking or smacking or whatever is only necessary if words don't work. When I see kids who causing a distrubance, I don't think spanking will help, I often see the parents just plain not caring about what their child is doing, like they themselves don't realize the kid is doing wrong. which is fucked up, but I'm not a parent, and I don't plan to be one.

[funnygunny 521]

Yep. Teach them right from wrong early on, or you'll become one of those bitch parents buying their kids iPads when they're 5.

[Favre4Ever+ 4,476]

Yep. Teach them right from wrong early on, or you'll become one of those bitch parents buying their kids iPads when they're 5.

 

 

True story... At the restaurant, there was a family that I waited on that had a really young daughter. She couldn't have been older than like 3, IMO. She still had to sit in a high chair... And she knew how to use an iPad better than I do. She was clicking around checking out different videos and tv shows or something.

 

I was like.... wow.

[WindyCitySports 407]

Yep. Teach them right from wrong early on, or you'll become one of those bitch parents buying their kids iPads when they're 5.

At the beach, I once saw a little kid (maybe 5) slap his mother across the face and she did NOTHING. She didn't even tell him he was wrong. My parents would have packed up, brought me home, and punished me.

 

Anyway, as far as spanking, it is okay. Society is getting way too loose on the discipline of children. I get that it's difficult to punish because you feel bad, but if you don't, that kid may turn out like the one I described above.

 

I personally believe in spanking (hand to butt/thigh) for children ages 4-10. Under four seems too young an fragile and over 10 is too old. Hopefully they've learned by 10. I also think that a light slap on the face is fine.

 

Legally, I believe you should be able to spank (hand to butt/theigh) any age between 2-18. It's your kid and as long as you aren't abusing them, raise them how you'd like. The government has no place in discipline as long as you aren't physically abusing the kid. Even a light slap across the face is fine if it isn't hard enough to knock the kid down or injure him. Im fine with wooden spoons, too. Those hurt less than a hand. Punching, kicking, belts, and other objects are wrong and I would consider all of that abuse. I know that a lot of parents use those methods when their kids get older and it's wrong.

[Barracuda 629]

When I was a kid and did stupid shit in school or whatever my dad would usually give me a couple open palms across the side of the head and that was usually enough for me. I have one kid now and he's 5-6 years old now. I've never spanked or hit him but that's because raising my voice works. However, I have no problem with doing so if it's required.

 

For the most part my kid is behaved when we go to restaurants, or stores, in the car or what have you. Hopefully I won't ever have to but I will if I have to.

[Duck Fallas 209]

Pain is a great teaching tool.

 

How do most children learn that touching a hot stove is a bad idea? They touch it and get burned, right? I feel that lesson can be applied to many other situations in life.

 

With my children it works like this:

 

1. Verbal warning to stop the unwanted behavior.

 

2. They get spanked.

 

At their ages now (11 and 4) they pretty much know that when daddy says to stop something, they had better do it immediately. I rarely have to tell my 11 year old more than once to do anything that I ask of her.

 

Things are a bit different with them when it comes to things that can get them seriously injured. They get their backsides swatted 3 times automatically, as well as having me yell at them. I would much rather have my child with a sore butt than a broken limb (or body) from running into the street and getting hit by a car, or pulling a pot full of boiling water down onto their heads and being severely burned.

 

I love my kids,and I feel as though simply lecturing them when they do something wrong will do them more harm than good. I know that lectures NEVER worked with me, I still did a ton of bad shit, had my parents used their hands every once in a while instead of their words, I likely would never have been arrested when I was 18.

[oochymp 2,393]

I think everyone has echoed this sentiment. I have 3 kids and I only had to spank one of them. I HATED to spank --smack on the thigh-- him but there was no other way to get him to listen, I waiting until he was about 3 so I knew he understood why he was getting spanked. The others we just had to talk to them.

 

You should always be able to spank your child, if it calls for it. Never abusiveness and they should always understand why. I dont agree with spanking a 1 1/2 year old for not eating his veggies, that's retarded.

 

TL;DR: Yes but never abusively and only when the child is able to understand the reason.

This is actually pretty much exactly what I was going to say, it's okay but as an absolute last resort, as Shotgun said you don't want kids to get the idea that violence is the answer especially for little shit, but at a certain point kids have to get a meaningful punishment, sometimes that can be done by limiting privileges (take away that iPad for a day or so) or a good yelling, but at a certain point a good spanking can be necessary, now I don't think taking them behind the woodshed like Ngata talked about in the OP is ever appropriate, if a kid gets big enough that you have go that far and he doesn't respect you then more often than not a beating won't help at all